


Of Gilded Cages

by LelianasSong



Series: Of Gilded Cages [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: AU, Bard!Leliana, F/F, Noblewoman!Elsa, Non-Warden, additional characters left off because spoilers, compulsory heterosexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 14:52:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 61,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4923829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LelianasSong/pseuds/LelianasSong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuck in her duty as a noblewoman, Elsa Cousland finds herself in a marriage she never wanted and in a life where she feels trapped. She has spent far too long playing the part, constantly regretting the fact that she was forced into a loveless marriage and a life where she has to hide some of the most important aspects of who she is. That is until her husband hires an Orlesian archer, Leliana to train her in the skill of archery and hopefully pull her out of her obvious misery.</p><p>Things however are not as they seem, with secrets abound and schemes underfoot, will Elsa and Leliana truly help each other to escape the lives they lead, or will any possibility for love crash and burn?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, yes, I decided to write a multichapter fic! YAY!
> 
> So here's the drill and perhaps a warning? This fic involves issues such as compulsory heterosexuality and delving into issues about what that would mean to a woman born into a noble house whose duty was that she was expected to get married and produce children. I have tried to deal with it as best as I can, but if you would rather not, then that is fine.
> 
> In terms of AU, this is an exploration that hinges on two major changes to the canon world in which 1) The Fifth Blight did not happen and 2) Leliana was not betrayed by Marjolaine quite in the same way, though that will be touched upon later. 
> 
> Now those introductory notes and scene settings are out of the way, I hope you enjoy this fic! Honestly, I'm having fun writing it so I hope you like reading it! Enjoy~

**I**

 

The sun broke through the trees, casting a beam of light onto the forest floor below, where a young woman lay upon the leafy ground. The sunlight danced directly onto her face as a small smile broke out across pink lips. It was not uncommon to find the woman here, her riding leathers covering her body and her mabari hound resting its head upon her stomach.

"My lady!" Came a concerned voice, faltering the smile upon the young woman's face. "We must return to the estate! Your husband will be ever so worried! It is well past the time for lunch."

"If we are already late, then I see no sense in hurrying back."

"Lady Howe..."

The woman cringed, her nose wrinkling at the very sound of the name. It was her title and yet she loathed it more than anything. She missed the days when she had worn her own family name with pride, when she had been a Cousland and not a Howe. The moment she had donned her new name, it had felt like a change had occurred, however unlike many a blushing bride, the woman had never thought that it would be a particularly good one.

"Elsa, up with you. I will not let Evelyn ask you again," said a sterner and older voice, cutting through the air and destroying whatever peace that Elsa had found.

"Fine! I am coming!" Elsa shouted back, pushing Titus' head off of her stomach and gingerly getting to her feet.

Running a hand through her hair she rolled her eyes as her servant, Freya, looked at her with impatience. The woman had known Elsa since she was but a teenager and had been one of the only servants that Elsa had brought with her to the estate in the Bannorn that she now shared with her husband. She shivered slightly, drawing her coat tighter around her despite the sun, a chilled southern breeze creeping into her bones.

“My lady, we will all be dead by the time we get home if you do not hurry yourself,” Freya said, narrowing her shrewd, grey eyes at the young noble before her.

Elsa chuckled at that, finally stepping towards her horse and stroking its head softly. She barely took notice when she heard Freya huff and her and Evelyn mounted their own steeds. The noble woman wished to waste as much time as possible, eager to stay out in the forests rather than return home. These excursions, no matter how few and far between, made her feel safe and free, a luxury so seldom experienced within the walls of the estate.

“ _Elsa_!” Freya hissed, breaking Elsa out of her reverie.

“If I did not know you so well, I could have you fired for such rudeness, Freya,” Elsa said smoothly, moving on to stroke her horse’s mane as she did so. “You are surely teaching your colleagues some terrible manners.”

“And were you not intent on keeping around at least one person from your old life…” Freya replied, rolling her eyes as Elsa finally mounted her horse.

A small giggle left Evelyn’s lips, only to be silenced when Elsa shook her head, shrugging gently as she sat atop her horse. There was silence for a moment, before Freya seemed to take Elsa’s lack of comeback as an opportunity to press on with the day ahead. It was just after noon after all and Elsa had been expected for lunch at noon precisely. The servant started off on the trail back to the estate, her noble employer following right behind, with Evelyn taking up the rear.

Not one of them spoke on the way back, much to Elsa’s relief. She needed time to settle her thoughts again and prepare for the performance she would once again have to play. The smiles and touches and kisses that would be expected of her. The way she would have to laugh at all of her lord husband’s jokes, no matter how ignorant or simply ridiculous such jokes ended up being. It was a performance she knew well, no matter how much the ease at which she pulled it off seemed to make her sick to her stomach.

The trees began to thin and Elsa’s heart began to pound in her chest, her stomach twisting as the group finally left the forest behind. The estate could be seen in the horizon, no longer locked away in the back of Elsa’s mind but a real and physical thing. Taking a deep breath, she urged her horse into a gallop, thundering passed Freya who seemed to curse as soon as her employer stormed on ahead. She needed to get this over with.

 

*******

 

It did not take long between her pulling up into the stables and a group of servants descending down upon her. Helping her down and straightening her black hair against her head, throwing her a dress that she would be expected to change into quickly and without fuss or complaint. It was a flurry of activity, a far cry from the moment of peace that she had been allowed within the forest. Sighing, she merely allowed herself to be pulled from the stables and towards the estate, bustled into rooms where maids could undress her and redress her, primping her up like a doll ready to be presented to its owner.

Bile rose to the back of her throat at that image, a feeling she had to clamp down as she was finally pushed into the dining hall of the estate. The table was set only for two, the places set at the head of the table and to the right, a setting meant for talking, unlike the silence that Elsa truly desired.

“There you are!” rang Thomas Howe’s voice throughout the dining hall, as he strode over to meet her.

“Yes, I am here, my husband,” Elsa replied, smiling tightly up at Thomas as the man finally stopped in front of her.

He looked as if he was about to say something else, but he merely cupped Elsa’s face, kissing her lips gently as he greeted her. A few of the servants who were still present tittered a bit, swooning at the sight of their employers before them. It was for them that Elsa closed her eyes, and pushed forward slightly into the kiss, even if she could feel the stiffness in her back and the roiling in her stomach.

Thomas broke away, beaming down at her before kissing her forehead and leading her over to her seat. Dutifully, she followed, allowing herself to be seated with an attentive touch from Thomas, before he finally took his seat at the head of the table. Within seconds, a plate of cheese, grapes and sweet meats was placed before them, an empty goblet speedily topped up with red wine.

“I had them prepare your favourite meal! I had the cheeses imported from Orlais and the meat is from Antiva, as is your usual preference,” Thomas said, smiling as he took a sip from his own goblet.

“I… thank you. This was very thoughtful of you, my lord,” Elsa said, smiling slightly at Thomas and picking up her goblet and taking a generous sip.

“It is a good thing that I did not ask for your other favourite, of pork. Otherwise, it might have gone cold, given that you are… hmm, over two hours late,” Thomas said, his eyes narrowing coldly over the edge of his glass. “Is there any reason as to why you are so late?”

For a moment, Elsa merely studied him, her ice blue eyes taking in the stiffness of his back and the way his hand seemed to involuntarily clench around the stem of his goblet. There was a flicker of anger behind those eyes, an annoyance for the fact that this had perhaps been the tenth time within the past month that Elsa had turned up late to a pre planned meal for for the two of them to spend time together. His jaw seemed to tense as well, as Elsa surveyed him, clearly uncomfortable by the silence that had fallen between them.

“We were delayed in the forest. You know how my mind wanders so in there,” Elsa replied finally, looking away from blue eyes and picking up a grape before popping it into her mouth. “It was completely my fault.”

“Yes, well that is increasingly evident every time this occurs, isn’t it?” Thomas sighed, placing his goblet down. “I was thinking… you miss training, don’t you?”

Elsa narrowed her eyes slightly, wary of where this conversation may take them. “Yes… what of it?”

“I was thinking, that perhaps you could learn archery instead? It is perhaps more befitting of your stature and you could go on hunts? What do you think?”

Thomas’ eyes softened a bit as he spoke, a hand reaching out to caress Elsa’s softly. She resisted the urge to pull her hand away, instead letting the man who had loved her for so long smile at her, as though he wanted nothing more than to get through to the woman he had married. Sighing softly, Elsa nodded, much to Thomas’ delight. An excited smile pulled at his lips, his blue eyes lighting up with excitement as he ran his hand through his dark brown hair. Elsa smiled weakly in return, watching as the man actually seemed to appear the two years her junior that he actually was, rather than the tired lord that he had appeared as of late.

“Excellent! I took it upon myself to hire you a trainer! I thought you would prefer that rather than using some of the guards to teach you. I hired a woman from Orlais, she should be here… well any minute now! I suppose that it is fortunate that you were late, seeing as she happened to be waylaid in Denerim as I understand it!” Thomas said, rambling away in his enthusiasm.

Thomas continued to talk, his eyes brightening up as Elsa smiled and listened to him gush about how he had found such a woman to train his wife. Apparently, she deserved the best of the best and so on and so forth, someone whom Elsa could perhaps talk to and understand better than the burly captain of the guard, et cetera, et cetera.

Suddenly, some movement at the door caught Elsa’s eye, drawing her attention away from Thomas entirely. Slipping in, as though meaning to go unnoticed was a woman dressed in travelling clothes, her long pale fingers pulling her hood down and revealing a head of fiery red hair. Even as she could hear Thomas continuing to talk, all Elsa could concentrate on was the new arrival, whom she presumed was her archery trainer. Indeed, the first thing Elsa noticed was that she was gorgeous, a small smile pulling at her lips as she seemed to finally meet with Elsa’s gaze. A small flutter danced within Elsa’s chest and she found herself blushing slightly, before returning her gaze back to Thomas.

“What’s the matter? Is something wrong?” Thomas asked suddenly, his brow furrowing as he did so.

“Oh no, nothing is wrong. We simply have a visitor,” Elsa replied, pushing her chair out from the table and standing to greet the new arrival.

Hastily, Thomas followed suit, a large smile spreading across his face as he saw who it was who was stood at the door. The woman walked over to the both of them, her smile warm and her sparkling blue eyes stealing Elsa’s breath away for a moment. She moved with a grace that seemed practiced and purposeful, as though she had spent a great deal of time perfecting her movements until they seemed to flow effortlessly. Everything from the way she bowed was smooth, not a single moment passed that Elsa could not see that this woman was incredibly practiced in meetings with the nobility.

“My Lord and Lady Howe,” the woman spoke, her accented voice lilting in a melodious fashion. “It is an honour to be granted this opportunity.”

“Welcome Leliana,” Thomas greeted, smiling expectantly between the two women. “Elsa, this is Leliana, she will be your tutor!”

“It is a pleasure, my lady,” Leliana said, smiling at directly at Elsa now, with a warmth that made Elsa’s stomach flip slightly.

“I… the pleasure is all mine, Leliana. I trust your journey was pleasant?” Elsa managed to say, her eyes taking in the contours of Leliana’s bright features before settling on even brighter eyes.

“Indeed it was, my lady. Though it was long and tiring, as I am certain you know well,” the woman replied, giggling softly.

There was nothing Elsa could do but nod at the statement, her eyes still watching the woman carefully. She barely heard Thomas speak until she felt a hand on her back, leading her back to the table. Returning to her previous seat, Elsa watched as one of her servants hurried into the hall with an extra plate of food and placed it in front of Leliana, who had sat down opposite her.

It was strange, how intrigued Elsa had become by this woman in only a simple meeting. Even as she ate, she did so with the same practiced grace from before. A stark contrast against Thomas who seemed to wolf his food down, engaging their guest in conversation in between mouthfuls. He had always been so very over excitable, Elsa wondered if he would ever take the time to actually chew his food and if Leliana would ever mention it.

She frowned slightly as her thoughts wandered, lost in her own world of pensive consideration for the situation at hand. Suddenly, she felt something prod against her foot repeatedly until she finally looked up. Whilst Thomas was busied with his plate of food, Leliana was looking directly at her, her eyes crinkled in concern and her head tilted inquiringly. Elsa smiled back, shaking her head at the silent question before finally attending to the food in front of her.

The woman merely smiled back at her, although her eyes never seemed to leave Elsa, apparently watching her as intently as Elsa had watched her. Well, whatever was going to happen, at least Elsa knew that it would be an interesting change of pace from her usually repetitive and stifling life. It seemed as if this woman almost demanded it.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is chapter two! It's a little later than I had originally planned as the past week has been just a joke really. Weekly updates do seem the most logical thing though, so I may just keep it weekly and yeah, we'll see how things go, shall we?
> 
> Anyways, thank you to everyone who has read and given kudos so far! Comments would be much appreciated if you have the time and to any new people, welcome and enjoy! ~

**II**

 

“So, Lord Thomas tells me that you wish to learn archery?”

Elsa’s head snapped up, pulling her attention suddenly away from the book in her lap at the sound of the new voice. A low whine sounded from beside her as Titus’ ears perked up, the dog taking a moment to whine at the person who had interrupted Elsa’s thoughts. Of course, the person who had interrupted her was Leliana, who was stood in the library, looking down at where Elsa was curled into her favourite, plush armchair. A small smirk pulled at the Orlesian’s lips as Elsa stared at her, wide-eyed.

“I am sorry, if I disturbed you, my Lady and… what is this handsome boy’s name?” Leliana said, bending down and scratching Titus behind the ears.

The dog stopped whining as he closed his eyes and began to wag his tail instead, enjoying the attentions that Leliana had bestowed upon him.

“His name is Titus. He’s my best friend… unfortunately his best friend happens to be whoever gives him the most attention. I guess that means you for the time being,” Elsa replied, stretching her legs as she unfurled herself and set her book aside.

“Oh I am sure that he’s not that fickle! You’re still your Mistress’ best friend, aren’t you boy?” Leliana cooed, earning herself a bark in assent from Titus and an eager lick.

Leliana giggled at that, patting Titus’ head again before straightening up and looking at Elsa with a smile. Her blue eyes were sparkling keenly, as if they were assessing Elsa whilst trying to seem warm and inviting. Her skin itched a little under the veiled scrutiny but she smiled back nonetheless.

They had not spoken since dinner and even then the words had been scarce. It had been spent merely watching as Thomas spoke to Leliana, asking her about Orlais and providing commentary that made Elsa's body tighten and clench with embarrassment. She wondered whether he would stop making flippant comments about Orlais, or whether he would ever notice the slight tightness that had pulled at Leliana's smile. He was usually oblivious to such things, however. He did not watch as carefully as he should.

Still, Leliana was here now, taking the nearest seat to Elsa's and giggling as her hound placed his head in her lap, begging for more head scratches. Elsa watched her, smiling slightly as she took in how beautiful the woman looked today. Her red hair framed her face so perfectly, highlighting the contours of her cheekbones and the pout of her lips. It was perhaps dangerous, this continual fluttering within Elsa's chest, as she appreciated the woman sat before her.

"Is this how you usually spend your time, my lady?" Leliana asked, tilting her head curiously.

"Yes, I suppose that it is," Elsa sighed, closing the book and placing it on table to the side of her.

"Forgive me if this is too bold, but you do not seem happy doing this."

"I prefer for people to speak their mind with me," Elsa replied, smiling reassuringly. "I enjoy the reading, however it lacks the draw that reading once had for me."

"And what is that?"

"That it be done without being watched and that maybe it could be done in a secret place. This estate lacks the ability for me to even find those secret places, let alone to use them!" Elsa sighed, shaking her head.

"Secret places? What kinds of secret places?"

"Trees, rafters, behind a wall with a concealed entrance that many had forgotten about or simply never needed. Back where I grew up, there was a wide range of such places and I made use of every single one I could find!" Elsa laughed, smiling fondly at the memories of her childhood. "Maker, I drove my parents mad. Not to mention Nan... but then she always did make a fuss when I didn't behave as well as she'd like."

"I see! You sound like a tricky person to keep an eye on," Leliana said, smiling in amusement. "Will I have as much trouble now?"

"Not if you know how to keep a hold on me. I suspect it will be difficult to get away from you."

"Elsa, I am here to provide more freedom for you, not take it away."

"Then we can climb up trees?"

"Perhaps... once you have mastered the basics of what I am actually here to teach you. I do not wish to have my reputation sullied because you could not even nock a bow within a week. Although, tree climbing is a useful skill, yes? I suspect you would be tutoring me in it."

Elsa considered Leliana again, remaining silent as she watched the woman who was playing along with her. It had been so long since anyone had humoured her or even taken the time to speak with her so openly. Thomas tried, but he was clumsy and ended up taking things far too seriously, as was the Howe way. This however, felt good. To have someone who did not wave off her interests. It was a welcome change, training or no.

"So what exactly are you here to provide? What purpose did my husband hire you for? I doubt it was simply to talk to me whilst petting my dog," Elsa asked.

"I am here to train you in the skill of archery, yes?"

"That cannot have been the whole reason that he presented to you. The man rarely keeps quiet and would likely tell you why he needed such a trainer. So tell me, what were his goals for you? To lengthen my leash? To give me company? Or did he perchance blurt out that he wished for you to also provide him with a new body to warm his bed?" Elsa said, her words short and curt as she felt her suspicion rise.

Leliana's eyes hardened at the change of tone; a dangerous look that sent a shiver down Elsa's spine.

"You assume that I was taken in by the chance to keep Lord Howe company?"

"He does seem to have started looking for new people to take to his bed."

"And that troubles you?"

"It troubles me that _I_ am not the one lucky enough to indulge in new lovers, yet that is not the point here, is it?"

"No, I suppose it is not. I was hired for you. Lord Howe has seen you retreat into yourself and believed you needed someone to stimulate you again, lest you become far too reclusive. He also shared something else, but I do not think you wish to talk about it."

"Oh? You are right. I would not."

"Then shall we get started on the training? Or do you wish to sit here and accuse me of more ulterior motives?" Leliana asked, her smile and eyes tightening as she surveyed Elsa. She was not happy and honestly, Elsa could not blame her.

"Yes, that would be best," Elsa said, standing up and straightening the creases in the shirt she wore. "And Leliana?"

"Yes, my lady?"

"I am truly sorry. I did not mean to offend. I am simply... I am sorry."

"It is quite alright, my lady. Although, I do question why you would think that your husband is the sort of company I wish to keep. After all, you know nothing of me and my tastes."

Leliana smiled slyly, her eyes flickering up and down Elsa before finally meeting her eyes. It seemed deliberate at this point and yet Elsa could not help the tiny leap in her chest as she gaped at Leliana. The Orlesian simply stood, giving Elsa one last smirk over her shoulder before giggling and walking out of the room.

"Meet me by the armoury, my lady. I believe I have something to show you," Leliana spoke over her shoulder as she walked away.

Elsa could not help but follow the swaying of her hips or the strength of each stride she took. Maker, this woman was doing it on purpose, Elsa was certain of it. Although whether she was simply playing along with her or being entirely serious, the noble had no idea. Either way, she wondered what exactly the woman would be giving her... indeed, she wondered exactly where her presence would lead.

 

*******

 

The surprise that Leliana had presented to her was in fact, a bow. She should have suspected as much, but she did not expect the weapon to look so exquisite. It was carved out of what appeared to be sylvanwood, from the Bracilian Forest, bearing delicate designs and swirls that seemed to cut so easily into the wood. Elsa picked it up, feeling the weight of it in her hands and turning it over.

"What do you think, my lady?" Leliana asked, smiling expectantly at her.

"It's beautiful..."

If only Elsa knew of its quality. Had she been presented with daggers or various knives, she could have determined its quality easily. From the sharpness of the blade to the way it sliced through the air, or material or flesh. The gentle weight within her palm and the ease of movement that she had with them. This however? This was an entirely different instrument altogether and one that Elsa had little knowledge in.

"Shall we?" Leliana asked, motioning over to the training grounds where many of the archer guards were already training with their bows and arrows.

Elsa bit her lip slightly, nodding even as she felt a wash of anxiety fill her. There was something about training in front of her trained professionals that set her on edge. They would know of her skill, or more precisely, her lack of it and that was going to be entirely too embarrassing.

It seemed that Leliana has sensed her trepidation as she placed a hand on her bicep, squeezing gently and smiling warmly.

"You will be fine, I promise. If it troubles you, we can set up a private training ground for you when we are able?" Leliana said, her touch and warmth easing Elsa somewhat.

"Okay, I will trust you on this."

Leliana nodded, leading Elsa over to the spare area on the far side of the grounds. They stood behind the marked place on the ground, looking at the target that sat far away from them. Pursing her lips slightly, Elsa looked from her bow to the arrows that sat within the quiver that she noticed that Leliana carried. It felt different from when she had eagerly picked up a sword as a child and almost dropped it from the weight. Or when her father had given her daggers instead and she had moved with them and leapt into the thick of training with no fear whatsoever.

Now? Well now, she could feel her palms begin to sweat as she looked between the soldiers and Leliana who was examining the arrows and setting things down and picking up a pair of gloves with certain fingers missing. Perhaps it was the atmosphere? She had been safe in Castle Cousland and had been surrounded by her brother's laughter and her father's encouragements. Even her mother had shown her a few things, being far more skilled than Elsa had ever believed her mother to be until that point.

Right now, the most comforting presence was still a stranger to her and once more, Elsa felt the sense of isolation in this damned estate. She glanced around, wishing she was allowed to keep daggers on her. At least she would feel safer then.

"My lady, are you alright?" Leliana asked in concern.

"I... yes. Yes, I am quite alright," Elsa spoke quickly, turning her attention back to the bow. "So, I've seen how people shoot... but just how terrible am I going to be at doing this?"

"That depends on how quick of a study you are, does it not?" Leliana giggled, standing in front of Elsa as she awkwardly set herself up from the knowledge she had recieved by watching and reading. "Lower your shoulders, they are far too tense. Also your feet need to be parallel... like so. Yes, that is far better than I expected you to be, you have a strength in your arms that is preferable. Tell me, do you have other experience in using weapons?"

"Oh, but that's a secret! How will I amaze you with hidden talents if I just tell you about them?"

"That is if you have such talents at all," Leliana laughed, rolling her eyes as Elsa grinned at her.

"You would dare doubt me?"

"Perhaps, my lady."

"Please, call me Elsa. I would rather we remain on a first name basis. I truly despise being referred to by my titles all the time. I hear my name far too scarcely."

"I think that I may be able to manage that, Elsa," Leliana smiled as she moved to stand behind Elsa.

For a moment, the woman merely shifted Elsa's stance slightly, moving her feet on either side of the shooting line and forcing her shoulders down more. She grabbed Elsa's hips, angling them beneath her body and straightening her lower back.

"There! Perhaps your arrows will not fly around so willy nilly as I had thought."

"Willy nilly? _Really_?" Elsa laughed, smirking at Leliana as she moved back to face Elsa.

"Are you mocking me?"

"Who? Me? Absolutely not! Whatever would make you say that?!" Elsa exclaimed, grinning as Leliana rolled her eyes.

"Yes well, perh not be laughing so much when you actually nock the arrow," Leliana laughed, passing her an arrow. "Now this should be amusing."

 


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for this chapter's late arrival. My old laptop was fucked, life has been stressful, here's a long chain of excuses I am certain you have no interest in hearing. Anyways, without further ado and even more profuse apologies, here is chapter 3!! I hope you enjoy it~

A mere week had past since they had begun Elsa’s training and frankly, things had gone far better than expected. Her arrows were actually reaching the target, her stance needing only occasional adjustments and Leliana had continually heaped both praise and constructive criticism on her throughout. It was helpful, even as she knew the captain of the estate’s guards would have likely shouted at her long before now.

Each time Elsa would make a joke, Leliana would return in kind, smirking and rolling her eyes as if genuinely amused by Elsa’s sense of humour, rather than brushing it off or actively telling her to be quiet. It was new. Something she had not experienced since she had been Elsa Cousland; Pup and Terror. It was welcome, exceedingly so. She felt almost like herself again, rather than just an outsider within her own home.

“My lady, are you alright?” One of her servants, Nora, asked, her brown eyes wide as if she feared that Elsa would snap at her for prying.

The girl was new to the household and had not spent a lot of time talking to her employer. Elsa could hardly blame her for her reticence, especially when she had most likely had to deal with other nobles who had been far less adverse to their own community and far more vocal in their grievances.

“Yes, I am fine, Nora,” Elsa replied, smiling gently as she noticed Nora’s surprise at her even knowing her name. “Thank you for asking. I was simply thinking.”

“Miss Freya did mention that you often retreat into yourself…” Nora said.

“Freya does have a lot of experience with me doing that. Tell me, are you happy here, Nora?” Elsa asked, her curiosity piquing as the girl started to be a little more adventurous in their conversation.

“It is a good household to work in, my lady. I have not yet been beaten… I… I’m sorry, I should not have brought such things up!”

Elsa sighed, placing down the tea she held in her hand and reaching for Nora’s hand. The serving girl flinched slightly as Elsa touched her, even though she did not entirely pull away. The girl had obviously learnt that shying away from her employers was a bad idea, a fact that angered Elsa. No one’s first reaction to this should be to expect punishment. Ensuring that she was slow and deliberate, Elsa stood up, holding onto Nora’s hand as delicately as if she had been a precious jewel.

“I would not hurt you, Nora,” Elsa said, caressing the back of Nora’s hand.

For a moment, Elsa was surprised when she noticed the girl’s eyes flicker down to her lips. It had been for a fraction of a second, quick enough for anyone to miss and yet Elsa had not. She bit her lip, trying to ignore the voice that sometimes arose in her head. It would be so simple… to lower her voice to a whisper and ask for a kiss. To feel lips that she wanted to feel upon her’s once more, rather than lips so carelessly placed and so devoid of any attraction or passion. Blinking, she looked up at Nora, whose eyes seemed to swim in uncertainty and trepidation, an emotion that vastly seemed to override any of the feelings that had arisen when she had glanced to Elsa’s lips.

Sighing, Elsa dropped Nora’s hand and turned abruptly, walking over to the desk in the study and leaning heavily upon its mahogany surface.

“You may go, Nora. I wish to be alone, if that is alright?” Elsa said, the weariness of her being seeming to wash over her as it so often seemed to do.

“My lady… I… I apologise for any issues that I may have caused,” Nora said softly. “I will leave you in peace.”

It did not take long before Elsa heard the telltale sound of the door being opened and closed heavily behind her. Scrunching her face up, she found herself grabbing an inkwell, a sudden surge of frustration and rage forcing her to throw the object bitterly against the wall. She knew what she wanted, what she needed. She had figured it out too long ago to be confused by these feelings now.

Oh, but duty had to come first, didn’t it? No noble lady could have been allowed to remain unmarried past her twentieth year for too long and she had been twenty-two when the match had finally been made. Three years it had been, since she had indulged herself in the type of company she wished to keep. Three years spent living this lie that came with being married to a man. It was alright for some; they relished in it. Some would find good husbands, as her mother had done, and fall in love with them. Some were far less lucky and found themselves with tyrants. Elsa supposed, at least she had not found the latter. Though her circumstances still sickened her.

Thomas was a good man, despite the fact that no matter how hard he tried, he would still sometimes appear to be a little too much like his father, Arl Howe. Elsa did not trust the man, even if they were now family and he had been friends with her father for longer than she had been alive. Still, Thomas was better and yet not, all at the same time. A man who had been sold so much on the fairytales of love that he had sought out the woman that he had desired most of all. It was a pity for him, that that woman had desired him not at all.

Elsa laughed bitterly, balling her hands into fists so as to not break anymore stationary. She wished that she had gotten out! Where was a Blight when you needed it? A Grey Warden to take her away and into their ranks? Perhaps a mercenary band who needed more rogues, a band she could run away with and meet a woman with whom she could find companionship and love. Perhaps she could run to a University even, the one in Orlais that she had heard so much about? She could sit amongst her books and talk to those with similar minds. Theorising and philosophising long into the night, until dawn broke and told them that they had once again forgotten to sleep in their excitement of the world.

These were the things she wanted. The things she would never have, stuck in this estate as a nobleman’s wife. Not to mention the fact that the guards treated her as a lesser than her lord husband. Blood and damnation, she was higher born than he was and yet they treated her as nothing more than his trophy wife! An unwanted guest! A leech!

Without thinking, Elsa delved beneath her long dress, grasping at the cold metal of the knife that sat permanently at her thigh in secret. With a furious growl, she removed it, stabbing it into the desk, once, twice and thrice, forcing it deeper and deeper with each impact.

“Elsa?! What in the Maker’s name has that desk ever done to you?”

Startled, Elsa spun around, still gripping the knife tightly in her hands as she turned to face the person who had interrupted her thoughts and eventual act of violence. She was relieved when she saw Leliana, carrying a bag and looking rather surprised as her keen eyes darted from the snarl on Elsa’s lips to the knife that remained poised in her hand. Slowly, Leliana placed the bag down and shut the door behind her, locking it so as to ensure that no one would disturb them.

It took awhile for Elsa’s chest to stop heaving and for her face to drop from the anguish that had plastered itself so forcefully upon it. Sighing in exhaustion, Elsa threw the knife at the wall, hitting a shelf precisely upon the space she had aimed, lodged so as not to harm any of the books that surrounded it. The young woman, walked over to the chair she had once occupied, collapsing heavily and pinching the bridge of her nose.

“What do you want, Leliana?” Elsa asked, refusing to look at the woman.

“I came to ask if you wished to take a ride this afternoon. I managed to convince Lord Howe that it was something that you needed, despite the fact that you did not return on time the last ride you took, or so I was told,” Leliana said, pulling the chair on the other side of the room so that she could sit opposite Elsa, their knees almost touching.

“Oh? I don’t know if I can really bring myself to,” Elsa sighed, sinking further into her armchair.

“We can throw some daggers, if you wish?” Leliana added, placing a comforting hand on Elsa’s knee. “You could show me the skills you have rather than the ones that they’re trying to force you into? Would that not be preferable to sitting in this room and thinking of ways to explain the holes in the desk?”

Elsa shrugged, once again refusing to meet Leliana’s eyes. Finally, the Orlesian sighed, tucking her fingers gently underneath Elsa’s chin and guiding it upwards. The young noble took in a deep breath, slightly perturbed by just how soft Leliana’s fingers felt against her chin. That wave of familiar need arose once more, twisting inside of her until she wanted to scream again. Elsa looked at Leliana, this woman who had been her mentor for the past week and who seemed so concerned with her current wellbeing. She took in those sky blue eyes and that soft smile, wishing that her heart would stop skipping beats and that she would stop reacting whenever the woman spoke. Her voice was so soft, like a melodious song and it calmed her, it soothed her and she wanted to hear more and more. But it was hopeless, was it not? Her husband did not appreciate the thought of another touching her and she did not want him to show any of the wrath or lack of compassion that his father sometimes showed.

“Elsa, what is the matter?” Leliana asked, her voice hardening slightly, turning more worried and insistent.

“We can talk about it on the ride,” Elsa finally replied, unconsciously grabbing Leliana’s wrist and gently stroking the skin beneath her fingers. “I promise…”

Leliana nodded, her eyes glancing to where Elsa seemed to be stroking her wrist, a curious expression forming on her lips.

“Prepare yourself, then. I will meet you out by the stables when you are ready.”

 

*******

 

As soon as the estate had disappeared from view, Elsa felt like she could breathe again. The chilled air seemed only to breathe life into her as she felt the wind rush through her hair as they rode. She was thankful that her hair had grown out a little, enjoying the way it flew behind her, merely adding to the freedom she felt as she galloped across the fields upon her mare, enjoying every moment even as the clouds seemed to block out whatever rays of sun there might be.

Elsa had not stopped galloping since they had had the opportunity to start and she could hear Leliana just behind her, keeping up with her and giggling softly as Elsa would laugh joyously in her excitement. It felt nice, having someone with her who would allow her this freedom. Usually she was forced to make ‘good progress’ but without this much freedom or fun attached to it.

The moment that they finally reached the edge of the forest, Elsa slowed down, bringing her mare down to a canter and then a trot, allowing her to navigate the roots and leaves of the forest floor.

“This was a good idea, yes?” Leliana said as she pulled up beside her, matching her pace with ease.

“Yes, it was. Thank you for convincing me to come,” Elsa replied, smiling at the woman beside her. “You are a good friend, Leliana.”

“We are friends now? But it has only been a week?” Leliana giggled, feigning surprise.

“What can I say? It’s been a good week, hasn’t it?” Elsa chuckled, grinning widely at her new friend.

“Has it? You did not seem as content when I found you earlier?” Leliana said, tilting her head slightly.

“This looks like a great place to stop, doesn’t it?! I say that we tie our horses up here and I can show you what I can do!”

“Elsa…”

“Look, I will talk about it, but later, okay? I just want to climb something right now, alright?” Elsa sighed, as she got off of her horse.

Leliana giggled, shaking her head as she dismounted as well, tying her horse to the tree as Elsa did and following her deeper into the woods. It had been so long since Elsa had been allowed to explore the woods like this, having only been allowed a few times in the forests in the vicinity of Highever. She looked around cautiously, making sure she kept an eye on landmarks so that they could find their horses afterwards, even if they were not roaming particularly far.

Suddenly, Elsa stopped in her tracks, looking up at a large oak tree with low branches. A smirk pulled at her lips as she looked at it, quickly mapping out her route and reaching for the daggers she had retrieved from a safe within her bedroom. She flexed her hands on them, feeling the familiar weight and allowing those old movements and habits to flow within her once more.

“Are you ready?”

“Of course,” Leliana giggled, crossing her arms as she surveyed the woman. “Do try to impress me.”

“I don’t think I need to try, Leliana. You’ll be impressed anyway. Oh and do not stare at me when I do this. I know my backside is great but it’s a bit distracting whenever anyone stares at it for too long,” Elsa said, grinning cheekily.

“Oh however will I live, Elsa?” Leliana sighed in feigned upset. “Go on then!”

“As you wish, my lady.”

Elsa chuckled and returned her gaze to the tree, placing the daggers back in their holders until the time would come to actually use them. Swiftly, she made her way to the first branch, swinging herself up with far greater ease than she had expected. She was thankful that she had kept her old leathers, as they still allowed her the same movement they always had. Thank the Maker she could still fit in them, considering the lack of training she had been doing.

The first branch was simple, as was the second and third, reaching higher into the canopy of the trees with each one taken. Finally, she saw that the next one would be a bit of a leap and she closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the strength of the muted wind and the listening for the rustling of leaves from Leliana’s own climb.

“Try not to kill yourself!” Leliana called up, bringing a smile to Elsa’s face.

“Worried about me?”

“I am worried about what I will have to say to your husband! He will not appreciate finding out that we have been climbing trees, nor that I allowed you to fall to your death!”

“Have a little faith, Leliana!”

Elsa only heard an exasperated sigh before she opened her eyes and prepared to make her leap. She wasted no time, making the leap as agilely as she had once done so many times before. Making sure that she took hold of the branch, she wrapped her arms around it, allowing herself to swing slightly before pulling herself up.

“Can you wait on that branch please?” Leliana asked, watching as Elsa took a seat near the trunk. “We can talk up here.”

“Of course. Need any help?”

“No, I am perfectly capable of doing it myself!”

“Alright, just make sure that you… _nice jump_! Are you certain you are not the one hiding a secret life?” Elsa laughed, watching as Leliana pulled herself expertly onto the tree and settled herself down so that she could speak to Elsa.

Watching carefully, Elsa took in the way Leliana sat expectantly, waiting for Elsa to begin speaking as they perched upon their branch. Sighing gently, Elsa looked down at her hands, clenching them within her riding gloves and unfurling them gently as if she were trying to use them to focus her thoughts, using the action to give her something to do as her mind figured out what best to say.

“You are not happy, are you Elsa?” Leliana asked, smiling sadly as she reached forward and placed a hand over Elsa’s knee.

“I… am fine. I just…”

“Elsa… if you were fine, you would not have stabbed that table so mercilessly. Please, you can talk to me, it will never leave us two,” Leliana added, squeezing her knee gently.

There was no hint of deception in Leliana’s face as Elsa looked at her, no inkling that she was being anything other than honest and acting out of concern for her. It was a novel idea, especially in recent years. Elsa felt herself struggle for a moment as her throat tightened, tears threatening to prick at the corners of her eyes.

“I… when I was younger, I came to a realisation and now… well now I feel trapped in that realisation because the very thing that I never wanted to happen, happened. All in the name of duty. So now, I am stuck living a lie, in a house where I can never be the person that anyone wants me to be and unable to be the person that I truly am. I’m trapped, Leliana. I want to get out, but I can’t,” Elsa sighed, looking down at her hands once more.

“You feel trapped in your marriage?”

“ _Yes_. I… don’t like men? I never have. I never will. They just do not appeal to me and yet I have had to bottle all of that inside and lie down and just wait to be impregnated with a child so that maybe my duty will finally be done. Perhaps he would feel less possessive over me if I had already given him what he wanted, but I haven’t. It’s been years and… nothing. I cannot tell at this point whether that is a blessing or a curse.

To be trapped with his child, or to be trapped in the uncertainty of not fulfilling my duty. That is a dangerous situation to be in for a noblewoman, unless they are truly happy. Unless love supersedes all of those issues, but how can it? How can it when even when he kisses me, I just want to run?”

Leliana considered her for a moment, her eyes softening as she took Elsa’s hands into her own, squeezing gently as the tears scoured tracks down Elsa’s cheeks. They stayed in silence for a moment, as Elsa cried and Leliana stayed with her, focused on providing the silent support that Elsa had been craving for so long. She had not told anyone else this. She had not even spoken of it as a girl, locked in a Castle with no real hope that she would end up in any other situation. This had been her destiny when she had been born with her blood and it seemed as though it would always be so.

“I believe… I have felt trapped myself. I cannot conceive of the pain you must be feeling but I understand to a degree. You are not alone, Elsa. You do not need to fight through this by yourself,” Leliana said, rubbing her fingers across the back of Elsa’s hands.

“Thank you, Leliana,” Elsa sighed, smiling weakly. “I am grateful for what you have done for me. It has only been a week and yet… I feel like I have known you for much longer than that.”

“As do I, my friend,” Leliana said, scooting forward a bit more. “You… Thomas mentioned the fact that you had been unable to conceive.”

“I thought as much. He tells more people than he has business telling. It is my issue, not anyone else’s. Still… he believes that it pains me greatly. That, that is the reason for my withdrawal and my reluctance for him to touch me,” Elsa laughed bitterly. “He could not conceive of the fact that I might just be more interested in women. That foolish boy.”

“Many people have mistresses, could you not reach that form of agreement?” Leliana asked.

“Why, are you offering?” Elsa asked, smirking as Leliana sighed and rolled her eyes.

The Orlesian was smiling however, a smirk that matched Elsa’s nicely. “You would have to woo me first, perhaps? Catch me off-guard and surprise me?”

“I might consider it then,” Elsa chuckled, winking at Leliana and causing the woman to giggle again. “On a serious note though, I do not think he would be open to allowing me the same freedom that he allows himself. I imagine it is born from the love he holds for me. Allowing me that freedom would mean admitting that love is not something that I will probably return to him and he is intent on holding onto that.”

“But you mentioned that he sleeps with other women?”

“Hypocrisy is just so rife in the world, is it not?” Elsa replied wryly, rolling her eyes. “Oh sure, he can take Evelyn to bed or Hannah or Camilla and I can’t? I’d probably actually be able to please them rather than just myself!”

“Oh?”

“Look, I know how Thomas has sex and it is possibly the most boring experience anyone could subject themselves to.”

Leliana laughed, a bright sound that meant that Elsa could not help but laugh along with her. Her bright eyes were twinkling in amusement as they laughed and Elsa could not help but feel as though this may have been the first time she had laughed so openly with someone in years. As though her worries seemed to be melting away at the very sound of Leliana’s voice.

There was something so beautiful about her, something that seemed to draw Elsa to her as if she were this beacon of light and comfort that she could not seem to get enough of. Perhaps it was simply because it had been so long since she had been able to connect to anyone, or simply because Leliana’s personality was actually that dynamic and enchanting that Elsa could not help but look at her as if she were a magical being, come to save her from herself.

It was foolish of course. But perhaps… well perhaps life would take enjoyable and positive turns. At any rate, Elsa found herself wishing and hoping that Leliana’s appointment at the estate would not be short lived.

“It is getting late,” Leliana finally said, breaking them out of their laughter. “Perhaps we should return?”

“Can’t we just stay in the forest forever? We could do it!” Elsa exclaimed, stretching her arms as she yawned.

“Really? We would be found in no time, I am certain!” Leliana laughed. “We do not have the supplies and the forests are treacherous for those who do not know the way. I have heard of many tales of the Ferelden forests and Wilds. Do those not scare you?”

“You’ve heard of many?”

“What can I say? I do love stories and I have filled my life with many of them. They add new perspectives on the world, do they not?”

“Yes… they do. Perhaps you should tell me some stories sometime? I would like to hear them,” Elsa said, smiling.

“Oh, I think I could find some time to share them with you. I do so love them far too much to keep to myself!”

“That’s settled then! Alright, you’ve convinced me, we will go back. But first…”

Before Leliana could speak, Elsa moved forward, pulling Leliana closer to the trunk and enveloping her in a hug. The young noble buried her face into Leliana’s shoulder, snuggling into her as she felt the Orlesian balance herself on the tree with one hand, bringing the other to cling to Elsa’s waist.

It felt warm. A source of comfort and safety that Elsa had missed dearly. She could hear Leliana’s gentle breathing against her ear, could feel the way her hand slowly rubbed her lower back. Elsa giggled softly, enjoying the hold far too much.

When she let go, she found herself regretting that action immensely, even as Leliana looked at her with a bemused expression.

“What was that for?” Leliana asked, tilting her head slightly.

“A thank you. Now come on, it is time to go. Last one down has to tell the first story!” Elsa laughed, as she scrambled up and began her hasty descent down the tree.

She could hear Leliana laugh behind her as she followed Elsa’s path, always keeping behind as if she was planning on losing the race on purpose. For the first time, Elsa found that the dread of going back to the estate was lessened somewhat. Leliana would still be there when they arrived after all. She would still be there in the morning and whilst Elsa knew that none of her problems were solved, she at least felt as if she were not alone anymore. She had to cherish such a thing, for it was the only light that she had.

 


	4. IV

The estate was silent, another night where Elsa wished that there had been something other than the sounds of Thomas’ steady snoring in her ear. She hated these nights, where she had to share her bed with her husband, rather than enjoying the luxury of having her own space in which to sleep. She had asked for it, stating that she was used to sleeping alone and therefore required the space in which to do that. As such, her bed was her own, until such a time that she was joined by Thomas in another futile attempt at producing an heir.

She closed her eyes, wishing that he would stop falling asleep after he was spent and would perhaps one day return to his own bed. Maybe he would find it inhabited by someone else, who could sate desire rather than merely duty.

Elsa waited for a mere moment, intent on listening out for the gentle snores and whether Thomas was deep enough in sleep that she had a chance of escaping her bed for the night. Slowly, she eased herself out, covering herself quickly with new small clothes and pulling on her soft breeches and a shirt. She needn’t look particularly proper, she simply needed enough clothes to sneak over to the study, so that she could drown herself in fictional worlds or in tomes of dragon or griffon lore. Perhaps she would read what little they had on the Grey Wardens again, dreaming of a life where she could be one of them; wondrous heroes and defeaters of the Blights!

Hastily, Elsa pulled on some slippers and padded her way through the quiet, keeping to the shadows as best as she could. There were servant hanging around and a few guards, keeping their watchful eyes out for intruders and not once noticing the shadow that slipped beneath their noses. She was thankful that she had always been talented at keeping out of harm’s way and she could not help but breathe out a sigh of relief as she finally entered the study and closed the door.

The woman ran her hands through her ebony hair, pulling it so she could see just how long it had grown. Thomas liked her hair long, so managed to distract her whenever she claimed that she wished to have it cut. It was infuriating, a tactic he probably did not even think was wrong and yet Elsa could see it as plain as day. Just another aspect of her life that was unknowingly controlled.

As Elsa sat down, she surveyed the papers, picking up one in particularly. It bore the Howe crest, a crest that she loathed to think was hers now and seemed rather urgent. It had been opened, something that she supposed Thomas had done, as she certainly had not seen the letter before. Her curiosity was piqued, as she carefully unfolded the parchment, stretching it out across the table so she could read it comfortably:

_My dear son,_

_I trust all is well with you and Elsa. You have not complained recently so that tells me that things are better or you have followed my earlier advice and given up trying to win her affections._

_You will be glad to know that I will be visiting you and your wife on the first of Harvestmere, for the duration of the month. I expect things to be running smoothly, you must remember that one day you will take over the running of our Arling and the way in which you run your household should reflect how you would run the City._

_There is much to say, my son, but I shall not waste time divulging it here. I will look forward to seeing just how much you have grown._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Arl Rendon Howe of Amaranthine_

Elsa scrunched up her nose, scoffing as she placed the paper down. It was dated a month ago, meaning that the infernal letter had been sat there for most of that time, without her knowledge. She growled, clenching her fist as she realised that Thomas must have kept this from her for all this time. This was her estate too! Did she not have a right to know when they would be entertaining visitors? Or was her opinion or comfort so low down on the list of priorities that she would have perhaps only found out when it had been convenient? Perhaps when Howe’s carriages had been halfway up the drive?

There was nothing more infuriating than having to share a space with someone with whom she had formed such a sense of distrust. Arl Howe had been a common placement in her life, as he and her father would see each other often, mostly over drinks and with war stories. Those had been the times when she had met Thomas too, who had started off scowling and pulling her hair and had apparently ended up infatuated enough to ask for her hand.

Still, there was a vibe that surrounded Howe, an inkling that he was not to be trusted and that Elsa would need to watch her back around him. Her father would have laughed and waved her suspicions away, chalking it up to Elsa’s wild imagination and tendency to see patterns where none existed. She hated to bring up the fact that she was rarely wrong… mostly because her father would not hear of it.

Oh _Maker_ , this was going to be terrible. Perhaps it would be made easier by Leliana’s presence. Her smile had managed to do wonders in the past month. Her friendship meant more to Elsa than words could describe, her laughter making her chest brim with an emotion that felt too strong to even name. Perhaps it was just the connection they had, the understanding and support that they gave to each other or maybe… to hope for something more felt foolish. It meant hoping for something that could not be anyway, for even if those feelings developed, there would be nothing but secrecy and lies. Maker, how Elsa hated secrecy and lies. She lived in a world of one, there was no use adding more. Or was there?

Suddenly, the door of the study slammed open, bringing Elsa abruptly out of her thoughts. She had not even heard anyone approach and now she was faced with the angry expression of her husband, who was glowering down at her from where he stood.

It was supposed to be intimidating, but Elsa honestly could not care for his childishness at this point. She refused to be bullied by a man, especially someone who had been so insistent in his proposals that he really ought to have shown her a little respect. Sadly, that didn’t seem to be the case.

“Is this where you came? You sneak away from me, once again I might add, and come to hide in the study amongst all of your books again? Do you hate me? Is that it?” Thomas hissed, clearly ignoring the completely exasperated look Elsa was giving him and continuing in his rage.

“It’s a miracle I managed to come somewhere…” Elsa retorted, trying not to laugh at her own pun and schooling her features.

Thomas’s face turned an impressive shade of scarlet as he stood there, crossing his arms defensively. “You did not answer my question.”

“I couldn't sleep, Thomas. I found it preferable to sit here and read rather than lie in bed, achieving nothing. I found some particularly interesting reading, I might add,” Elsa said, brandishing the letter she had just read. “So nice to have been informed.”

“I do not need to inform you of these things!”

“This is my house, my life. I deserve to be made aware of these things!”

“Oh? Well your _life_ seems to consist of not including me within it, so why should I include you?”

“You are being childish!”

“And I have to put up with you being rude and ignoring me every single day! Do you think I do not notice that you keep your eyes open when we kiss? Or that, unless anyone else is around, you act indifferent at best?”

“I apologise if you thought marriage would be a fairytale, Thomas! Have you seen your own parents?”

Thomas slammed his hand down on the table hard, his eyes harder than Elsa had ever seen them and his chest heaving in his rage. For the first time, Elsa felt a spark of fear, as large hands clenched into fists and the room seemed to roil in the waves of anger that emanated from the man. She had obviously pushed too far. Although, at least she knew where his limits lay, at least she knew what to do and say to avoid this again. Maker knows, she was too tired for these continual arguments.

“All you do, is lie there and accept the love I pour into you without giving anything in return…” Thomas hissed, his nose wrinkling.

“Thomas, I am merely tired. It has been a tiring day!”

“You are always tired!”

“ _Enough_!” Elsa said, standing up and holding a hand to silence Thomas.

Thankfully, the man seemed to shrink back, despite being over a foot taller than Elsa was, heeding the ice that laced her deadly tone. The man looked far more like a boy now, shrinking back sheepishly as he realised that he would not be winning this argument.

“I am sorry…” Thomas finally said, wringing his hands slightly as he took a seat. “I should not bother you with this. It has been far too long and you… do you feel well? After our times together? Do you ever feel as though, you may at last bear a child for us both to cherish?”

Elsa considered him for a moment, debating whether to give him the truth for the first time in their marriage, or to continue with her charade. The lie that she used to protect herself in these arguments. The one that meant that Thomas would leave her alone and once again respect whatever boundaries she set.

She sighed, perhaps a little too much, and looked up at her husband with watery eyes. “At times, I feel as though the Maker may finally be on our side… that perhaps we may finally have what we so desire in this world. A child. But I… no matter how many times I may feel as such, the growth of my stomach never occurs. I bleed just as I have always done and I am left with the knowledge that I have failed once more…”

“No. No, my love, you have not failed!” Thomas exclaimed, hurrying over to Elsa’s side and enveloping her in a warm embrace. It would have felt nice, Elsa thought, if not dripping in emotions that she wished he did not have. “I am sorry that you must go through this! I promise you, we will figure this out. We will visit all the healers in the land to give us a solution! This must wear on you so terribly and here I am… not helping at all.”

“You do better than most…” Elsa sighed, allowing Thomas to kiss her forehead.

“I shall do better. What is it that you require? Would you prefer it if I left you alone for the night? I apologise for not telling you about my father’s visit any sooner. He will be here in two weeks hence… I will handle everything, you do not need to lift a finger except perhaps when Leliana takes you out to train. I promise you, things will be alright.”

With that, Thomas kissed her cheek, leaving the room behind and closing the door gently so as to afford Elsa some privacy. Sighing, the woman sagged back into her chair, shaking her head as she felt the weariness creep up on her once more.

“That was... impressive.”

Perking her head up, Elsa looked once more at the door and was thankful to have been greeted with a far more pleasing sight. Leliana was stood there, her eyebrows arched slightly and her hands fastened behind her back. The Orlesian did not wait for Elsa to invite her in, but instead closed the door once more, locking it securely behind her as she often seemed to do.

Elsa watched as the woman moved across the room with that practiced grace that she had often admired. Enjoying the soft footfalls that seemed as though she had been trained to tread so lightly, as if it had been a necessity that had simply followed through into her everyday life. Smiling, Elsa felt the tension in the air ease somewhat, although she could not help but notice that some remained, as it usually did when Elsa was caught in a room with her friend.

She stepped back as her friend leaned against the back of the desk, looking at her with sympathetic eyes and reaching out a hand to squeeze Elsa’s arm.

“How long were you out there for?” Elsa asked, looking down at something particularly interesting on the desk.

“Long enough. I had not realised how adept you were at diffusing those situations. This is why he has no clue, is it not?”

“Because I make him feel as though he is in the wrong? Yes. I know it is perhaps manipulative and wrong of me, but at this point, I just wish he would leave me alone regardless. I have had this argument too many times. What should it matter if I leave bed without express permission? Or if I simply do not wish to be touched? Why must I lie in order for him to leave me alone?” Elsa said, her voice straining as she felt tears pushing at her eyes once more.

Leliana effortlessly wrapped Elsa into her arms, cradling the woman and whispering calming words as the younger woman clutched on. The tears began to fall freely, as Elsa felt the weariness from before seem to wash over her and threaten to drown her amongst it all. She was so tired. So very tired. If only she could run. If only there had been somewhere to run to, then perhaps she would feel better.

Softly, Leliana began to hum, lulling Elsa into a peaceful trance as she swayed them gently. It was soothing, a calming sensation that Elsa never wanted to end. She wished that she could stay within Leliana’s arms for hours, simply enjoying the gentleness and care that the Orlesian was displaying to her.

“May I sleep with you?” Elsa whimpered, burying her face in Leliana’s neck.

“I… Elsa? What are you asking me?” Leliana asked, laughing slightly as she stroked her friend’s hair gently.

“Would you please stay with me, in my room, and fall asleep with me? I do not wish to be alone,” Elsa reiterated, chuckling softly as she realised how her first question had sounded.

Leliana laughed, shaking her head before leaning backwards and taking Elsa’s chin between her fingers. “Well, since you asked so nicely, I do not see why not. Although, we need to work on how you proposition people.”

“I wasn’t propositioning you!” Elsa whined, nudging Leliana playfully as the woman laughed.

“Thankfully so! It was so clunky!”

“Clunky? Not cute? Endearing? Irresistible?” Elsa replied, biting her lip and looking up at Leliana through her eyelashes.

“You aren’t getting any better!” Leliana giggled, letting go of Elsa’s chin and ruffling her hair. “Come, or did you intend on staying awake for the entirety of the night?”

“It would not be the first time…”

“Of that, I have no doubt,” Leliana smiled, taking Elsa’s hand within her own. “Shall we?”

Elsa nodded, allowing Leliana to lead her out of the study and back to her room. They still kept to the shadows, something that Elsa was infinitely grateful for. It perhaps would not be safe to allow anyone to see Leliana spending the night in her chambers, even if the plan was to do little more than sleep. Knowing that no one would know set Elsa at ease, perhaps because secrecy was far harder to resist than Elsa had thought.

As they finally arrived, Elsa was also glad to see that Thomas had gone back to his own bed, even though he had left evidence of his presence around the room. The sheets were in a messy heap on the bed, exposing areas that Elsa would rather not think about. Wrinkling her nose, she strode over, hastily ripping the sheets off and retrieving the spare ones that she always kept in her room. She busied herself, aware of the fact that Leliana was watching her, those sky blue eyes never leaving her as she flittered around to all sides of the grand bed, getting rid of any evidence of what had happened earlier.

“How do you stand it, Elsa?” Leliana asked, her voice tinged with sadness as Elsa finally placed the pillows back into place and folded down the corners to allow them to get in.

“Stand what?”

“This?” Leliana said, waving her hand to the bed as if it elaborated the point.

“Oh? Just… doing my duty.”

“But…”

“Life could be worse, Leliana. I try not to dwell on how it could be worse, but it most certainly could be. It’s the only thing that helps take my mind off of it. This does not happen too often, thankfully.”

“What would you do if you had a chance to escape?” Leliana asked, her voice sounding slightly distant, as though she were musing on something rather than actually expecting Elsa’s reply.

“I would take it,” Elsa replied, shrugging gently. “No more duty, no more men. I could be the woman I want to be, not the woman I allowed myself to become. I do not know when such a chance would arise though.”

“You would take it? Despite knowing that you would no longer have the life you were accustomed to? You could hardly return home…”

“I would make do. Leliana, if I could take that chance, I would find a way. My family would perhaps be disappointed, but they would see me again. I would merely hide for most of the time!” Elsa said, smiling slightly. “Hey, I could even live on a farm? Titus and I could run the fields and look after sheep!”

“I was under the impression that Titus was a war dog and not a sheep dog,” Leliana laughed, shaking her head in bemusement.

“He’s adaptable! Gets that from his master, after all! Why… if you had a chance to run from something, would you?” Elsa asked, tilting her head slightly.

Leliana was silent for a moment, picking at a loose thread on her shirt and frowning at it slightly. Elsa watched as the woman seemed to think on the question, her eyes closing as if trying to restrain herself from something, although what that was, Elsa did not know. It did not take long however, for Leliana to finally nod, giving her answer in a curt fashion that could have easily been missed but held no doubt as to what the answer had been.

There was something about the silence that said that something was wrong. Words left unsaid, perhaps a secret hidden beneath the seemingly flawless surface of the woman before her. Her questioning was perhaps not odd in and of itself, but Elsa felt as though it were strange. As if an underlying meaning had laced all of the words, as if each answer were the answer to a test and Elsa was not entirely certain whether she had passed it.

“Leliana…?” Elsa implored, stepping forward and pulling Leliana out of the trance she seemed to be slipping into.

The young noblewoman, did not think when she cupped her friend’s cheek gently in her palm, nor did she think when she tucked a strand of red hair neatly behind her ear. It was only when she felt Leliana shiver, that she realised that her fingers were slowly caressing down her jaw. Elsa was transfixed by her own movements, watching where her fingers gently pressed against skin and moved so graceful across the softness of Leliana’s cheek.

“Elsa…” Leliana breathed, wrapping an arm effortlessly around her waist and pulling her against her. Elsa gasped slightly, her breath deepening as the air around her seemed far too heavy.

Her icy eyes met with Leliana’s, staring and studying, trying to gauge whether they had always been so blue or whether it was simply the lack of air filling Elsa’s lungs. Elsa wet her lips, an action that seemed to elicit a soft laugh from Leliana, a sound that seemed to make it even harder for Elsa to breathe. Those lips that she had seen so many times before seemed to become far more enticing than they had ever been. So soft and delicate, as if waiting for Elsa to claim them with her own.

It was foolish. It could ruin them both and the shaky happiness that Elsa had finally gained and yet, as she took in Leliana’s heavy-lidded eyes and the soft, knowing smile that spread across her lips, she found it so very hard to resist. Impossible even, to pull away from the alluring presence that was Leliana.

Perhaps it was time to take a chance. To stop following what her mind and duty told and her to follow the truth of herself that she had been concealing and suppressing for far too long. Elsa moved the hand on Leliana’s cheek to the back of her neck, pulling the woman down to meet her lips in one effortless movement.

It felt as if a spell had been broken, as if all the tension had burst, surging them forward as Leliana gripped onto her hips tightly, kissing her far more deeply and passionately than Elsa had experienced in years. It took her breath away, as she found herself practically clawing to Leliana, pulling her as close as seemed humanly possible. She felt herself relax into the sensations, allowing herself to be engulfed in emotions she had long since forgotten, as a soft and experienced tongue caressed over her own.

She moaned, fisting her hand in Leliana’s hair as she pulled them backwards, not stopping until she felt her knees hit the bed and she fell, pulling Leliana with her. They broke apart then, their breaths deep as they tried to catch themselves.

“Are you certain you want to do this, Elsa?” Leliana asked, lowering her lips to Elsa’s ear and slowly nibbling upon the lobe. “This will not be easy.”

“I… yes. Leliana, I just need to feel your lips on mine.”

Leliana’s breath tickled against her neck for a moment, as the woman appeared to take a moment to think. The young woman almost feared that she would pull back, making the decision for her. Her hesitation did not seem to last long, as her lips returned to her skin with renewed vigor. Making up her mind to seize the opening given to her.

“We’ll take this slowly then. I believe that would be for the best, no?” Leliana asked, dropping her trail of kisses to Elsa’s neck and humming in approval. “This is quite enjoyable as it is.”

“You can say that again,” Elsa giggled, wrapping her arms around Leliana’s neck as her lips found hers once more.

For once, Elsa felt blissful, as if her problems had simply melted away with Leliana’s lips. As if her worries had dissipated, replaced with the excitement and anticipation that she had missed so very dearly. Each moan felt beautiful, coaxed from her lips and met with a resounding and pleased hum, a sound so genuine that it scared herself. She had become too used to the artificial, the moans that hid lie upon lie, an entirely different beast from the way that Leliana seemed to cause hers so easily. Her fingers danced across her collarbone, her own moans permeating the air as Elsa dipped her hands down to pull her ever closer, squeezing her firm backside in a way that she had not realised she had missed entirely too much.

This was reckless, it was foolish and yet Elsa did not care. For the bliss was far more important and the opportunity was too great not to seize. It was like a shift, as though Elsa knew that whatever came after, things had changed. Although, those were thoughts for another day, as they simply drifted into the intoxicating taste of strawberries on Leliana’s tongue and the sweet embrace of someone who actually cared.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So theeeerreee we go. Anyone wondering why this occurred so soon... well we'll just have to see where things go for these two from here, won't we? ;)


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's another chapter for you all! Honestly, the reaction I have gotten for this fic is more than I ever could have ever hoped for! So thank you for everyone for reading, leaving kudos and comments. They mean the world to me! So I hope you all enjoy this~

For the first time in a long time, Elsa actually enjoyed the process of waking up. She could feel the warmth of Leliana beside her, the woman’s arms wrapped around her waist, her front pressed to Elsa’s back so snuggly that the younger woman wondered whether they had almost been made to fit so perfectly. She giggled at that, such a silly and overly romantic thing to think. Since when had she been the girl to come up with ideas of soulmates or fate? Still, if those things truly did exist, Elsa wondered whether they would feel like this.

The sun was beginning to stream in through the window, the birds singing their morning tune in a way that Elsa could not have appreciated until now. It felt like a renewed hope. A new tomorrow, with Leliana’s soft breathing tickling her neck and her arm tightening sub-consciously around her. Elsa wanted nothing more than to stay like this, but she knew that they couldn’t. Someone would be in soon enough to change the chamber pots and to see if she had arisen for the day, meaning that they could not relish in this lest they wanted to be discovered so early on.

Reluctantly, Elsa elbowed Leliana, trying to get her to wake up as gently as possible. A soft huff blew against her neck and lips pressed against her a second later.

“Good morning,” Leliana whispered drowsily, nuzzling into Elsa’s neck slightly. “Did you sleep well?”

“Better than I have in years.”

“That is good to hear,” Leliana giggled, maneuvering Elsa so that she could pull her onto her back.

Elsa took a second to merely look up at Leliana, her hand reaching to cup her cheek as the woman leant in and kissed her lips softly. It almost felt as if Elsa had not been kissing those lips for hours during the night, as if this were the first time that she was feeling the way Leliana’s lips curved into a smile as she ran her hand down Elsa’s waist. It was peaceful and serene, a wake up like Elsa had never experienced before. Her chest simply brimmed with joy, her arms wrapping around Leliana’s neck once more and pulling her flush against her.

“Maybe we should run away into the forests?” Elsa said, sighing in contentment. “Just you and I? Running away from whatever life has thrown at us.”

Unexpectedly, Leliana pulled away, looking down at Elsa with a mix of curiosity and guilt. She bit her lip and shook her head, as though waking herself up from the spell she was under and pulling her back into a reality where Elsa did not wish to follow her. The woman sighed sadly before sitting up, moving quickly off of the bed and retrieving the breeches she had taken off to sleep.

Her body seemed stiff, as though she was forcing herself through the motions rather than engaging in anything she truly wanted to do, her back constantly to Elsa’s as she checked the mirrors and readied herself.

“Leliana…?” Elsa called, drawing Leliana’s attention reluctantly back to her. “Did I do something wrong?”

Leliana’s face softened at the words, the smile that graced her lips turning sad rather than its previous contentment. It seemed to have done the trick though, as the archer returned to the bed, stroking Elsa’s hair gently and moving to cup her cheek.

“You did absolutely nothing wrong, Elsa. I am merely concerned that we moved too quickly.”

“Too quickly? All we did was kiss?”

“And even a simple kiss could earn you far more trouble than it is worth. I do not wish to see you hurt, you are dear to me. A dear friend…”

“ _Friends_ whisper dirty things in Orlesian to each other then?” Elsa scoffed, folding her arms across her chest. “I thought we were taking things slowly?”

“We… you have not been with someone for a long time. You have been trapped and…”

“And maybe it’s time I wasn’t?”

“Maybe you are jumping into things without truly thinking things over,” Leliana corrected, placing a kiss to Elsa’s forehead. “You need to think on this. Carefully.”

“Think on what? I care for you. I want you. What else is there to think of?”

“ _Elsa_!”

“What?!” The woman snapped, huffing and angrily throwing her legs over the side of the bed and turning to make the bed, despite her obvious annoyance.

“Please, look at me…”

“No.”

“Do not act like a child, Elsa,” Leliana sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as Elsa brushed past her to look into her vanity.

“Why not? Everyone treats me as one. You’re treating me like one. I can make my own decisions Leliana and I do not need people to make them for me. I’m a big girl, I can dress myself and everything!” Elsa snapped, shoving her arm into the neck hole of the dress rather than the sleeve.

Leliana giggled, shaking her head and earning herself a glare as Elsa shoved her arm back through the sleeve hole and repeated the correct exercise with the other. She rolled her eyes as Leliana moved over to straighten the garment, her fingers instantly going to Elsa’s hair and pulling it back. Elsa reluctantly watched as Leliana picked up the brush and began to see to Elsa’s hair, gently stroking her in ways that were frustratingly pleasant to feel. Sighing, Elsa let herself relax as Leliana pulled her hair up into a ponytail and allowed two tendrils to fall on either side of her face.

Once she was done, Elsa turned around, arching her eyebrow at Leliana and placing her hands on her hips. “What was that for? I’m mad at you, you don’t get to calm me down when I’m mad at you!”

“I am sorry. Would you prefer I listen to you talk about how much of a big girl you are? Believe me Elsa, I know you can make your own decisions. I know you are not a child, I just think that we should be far more cautious,” Leliana implored, placing her hand on Elsa’s arm and squeezing gently.

“Cautious, how?”

“Perhaps I should not spend the night? We should be as discreet as possible and we should take this slowly. Kissing for hours on end was not truly the definition of taking it slowly,” Leliana giggled, shaking her head as Elsa pouted.

“So what? We go about our lives as before, only this time with stolen kisses and witty banter?”

“If you are involved, the banter will not be _that_ witty,” Leliana said, smirking slightly.

“You are a horrible person!” Elsa exclaimed, pushing Leliana playfully. “Every inch of you is horrible and you mask it with your pretty face! How could I be so blind?!”

Leliana’s wry smile seemed to tighten, her eyes taking on that slightly guilty expression that Elsa had dismissed earlier. Something did seem to be wrong, something that seemed to linger within these moments. It was frustrating, yet in a mere second, it was gone. It made Elsa wonder whether she was imaging that look in Leliana’s eye, or whether she was far more observant than even she wanted to give herself credit for.

Shrugging, Elsa leant against the table, crossing her arms and tilting her head as she surveyed the woman before her. “So, I suppose you will be leaving now then? You are usually in the training grounds by this time and dropping out of routine will look incredibly suspicious. Besides, what do you do all day when you’re not with me?”

“That is my little secret, ma chérie,” Leliana said, kissing Elsa gently on the lips once more. “Au revoir.”

With that, Leliana moved to the door, creaking it open a fraction and peering out into the halls of the estate. It did not take long before she turned back and blew Elsa a kiss before disappearing out of the door and into the rest of the building. Sighing heavily, Elsa pressed her fingers to her lips, smiling despite her mixed emotions as she felt them tingle beneath her touch.

Despite the issues, that hope still remained. Something good had to become of this. It simply had to.

“Well Elsa, there’s no use standing around here talking to yourself! It’s time to see how Titus is doing!” Elsa said, clapping her hands together as if trying to motivate herself to carry on with the rest of her day.

She finished getting ready, changing her mind and replacing the dress she wore with some comfortable breeches, a shirt and a leather jerkin. Elsa tired of wearing dresses all of the time. She did not mind them at balls and other gatherings, but the blighted things always seemed to catch her legs and hinder her whenever she tried to sit, crossed-legged and read within her armchair.

As she left the room that morning, she could not help but smile to herself. Whatever happened, it was certainly going to be interesting.

 

*******

 

There was nothing more frustrating than listening as Thomas once again complained about the state of the household as well as the accounts from Amaranthine that it had been his job to take care of. It was far duller than Elsa would have liked, instead hoping that perhaps one day they could discuss something more exciting, like history!

They had been friends once after all, when despite not loving him, he had been an entertaining person to be around. They had laughed and enjoyed their time together, Maker, Elsa would have even said that he was her friend. Yet times changes and so inevitably do people. Luckily for her, Titus never changed, as the dog looked up at her with large pleading eyes, eyeing up the cheese that Elsa was holding.

Looking down, Elsa playfully glared at her dog, scrunching her nose and shaking her head. Titus merely huffed, placing his head onto her lap and continuing to stare up at her. Sighing, the woman took another piece of cheese from her plate and handed it to Titus. The mabari barked happily before eagerly extracting the food from his mistress’ fingers and demolishing any evidence of the exchange. Titus nudged his nose against Elsa’s hand in thanks, demanding that he pet her now that she had shared her meal with him.

“Elsa? Are you even paying any attention to me?” Thomas sighed, his exasperated voice pulling her away from what she was doing.

“Hmm? I apologise, my son needed me,” Elsa replied, smiling down at Titus and scratching behind his ear.

“You Fereldens, do you always keep your dogs at the table?” Interjected a second voice, this one belonging to Leliana, who entered the room from behind Elsa.

“We’re eating cheese together, Leliana! Does that not pique your Orlesian interest?”

Leliana laughed, shaking her head as Elsa smirked at her. The woman seemed to be wearing riding clothes, yet she had never mentioned anything about taking a ride to Elsa. The noble tilted her head curiously, trying to figure out just what the woman was up to.

“Anyway, as I was saying, as you are both aware, my father will be visiting us within two weeks and I would like for you to be present, Leliana. You have become somewhat of a friend to my wife and I believe she has too few of those and father would be happy to see that the daughter of his dearest friend is happy once more,” Thomas said, leaning back in his chair.

“As you wish, my lord,” Leliana said, bowing slightly.

“Elsa, my love…” Thomas said, forcing Elsa to mask the cringe that threatened to take ahold of her. “He wishes you to join us on the hunt we have organised. Do you think that your archery is up to standard? I believe my father wishes to know how your skills have improved.”

Odd, Arl Howe had never wanted her around on hunts before. They had been reserved for him to talk business with his son and as such, anything seemed far too confidential for them to let Elsa in on the discussions. Never mind the fact that Elsa probably had more than enough capacity to help or surpass anything added by Thomas. Still, she nodded, agreeing despite the surprise of it all.

“Excellent! Then, Leliana, I suggest you train with her everyday so that she does not accidentally kill any of us!” Thomas laughed, smiling at Elsa.

“I do not know whether there are enough hours in the day for that, Lord Howe,” Leliana said, giggling as Elsa shot her a dirty look.

“Then perhaps reduce the likelihood of injuries to a minimum, hmm? I must make some preparations, so you two should get to work.”

With that, Thomas excused himself from the table, motioning for one of the serving girls to come and take their plates away. He bent over and kissed Elsa on the cheek before flashing a smile and a nod to Leliana. With that, he was gone, once again leaving Elsa to her own devices. At least Leliana’s presence meant that she was no longer immensely lonely, that was something at least.

As Elsa turned to Leliana, she noticed that her body seemed tense, as if she had been put off by something that had occurred. She had witnessed Thomas kiss Elsa before so that could not be the reason why she stared into the distance as she did, only truly shaking herself once she heard the sound of Elsa’s chair scrape across the floor of the room. The Orlesian shook her head, replacing her lost expression with a smile and raising her eyebrow at Elsa.

“Did you have something else planned?” Elsa asked, trying to resist the urge to reach out and link hands with the woman she had spent the night cuddling into.

“No… nothing that was pressing. We have a father-in-law to impress, do we not?” Leliana said, laughing softly and turning to walk towards the armoury, where Elsa’s bow was being stored.

“Oh yes, because impressing people such as him has always been my goal,” Elsa scoffed. “If only father was here, he’d be proud that I’d even managed to pick the bow up without scrunching my nose up at it.”

“Your father was kind to you then?”

“He still is. I do not see him often and I wonder why that is, but I do get letters from my family and they worry about me,” Elsa sighed, wringing her hands. “My nephew is learning to sword-fight now and I wish I was there to help him. Fergus should be doing a good job, but I wanted to see if I could persuade Oren that he should be a rogue like me. His mother would be angry but I could teach him how to climb trees!”

“You care deeply for him then?”

“I care deeply for all of my family!” Elsa said, her eyes lighting up as she spoke of the family she had left at home. “I miss Fergus’ teasing and Nan’s admonishments! I miss when Mother was berating me about not finding a good husband or when she would tell me to pursue lady-like pursuits, even though we both know what she did in the rebellion. I miss… feeling at home.”

A bark broke Elsa from her speech as Titus trotted beside them both, his head turned up to his mistress as they walked.

“I think Titus agrees with you,” Leliana said, smiling warmly at them both.

“He just misses terrorising Nan, don’t you boy?”

Titus barked happily, wagging his tail as he nudged Elsa’s hand with his snout. The young woman chuckled, scratching Titus behind the ears, grateful that he was still by her side, after all this time. Humming gently, Elsa followed Leliana, grinning as she managed to trail behind a little, her eyes drifting down to the sway of Leliana’s hips as she walked. It was perhaps not the most appropriate of things to do, but it had been so long since Elsa had felt confident enough to even watch anyone like that, let alone someone who had been so intent on making her moan through their kisses last night.

“I hope you are having fun back there,” Leliana said, looking over her shoulder and rolling her eyes as Elsa merely smiled innocently back at her.

“I have no idea what you are referring to!”

“Oh Maker’s breath, Elsa!”

Elsa chuckled, speeding up to walk beside Leliana once more and gently nudging her hand with hers. It was a slight movement, as Elsa linked her pinkie finger with Leliana’s for a second, smiling contentedly as she wondered what it would be like to actually hold onto her hand properly. It was a silly impulse, one she had never expected herself to want to indulge in and yet she found herself wanting to do nothing but.

The risks she wanted to take did not seem entirely logical. They were dangerous, this whole situation could be dangerous and yet somehow, she managed to ignore the usually prevalent part of her mind. No, the danger was worth it. Looking at Leliana now, who wore an exasperated smile, her eyes twinkling with amusement, Elsa knew that no matter what, this woman seemed to be worth following any form of reckless behaviour she wanted to engage in.

At least there were some positives in Arl Howe coming to visit, as it seemed that now they would have even more excuses to spend time together and as they went through the estate, picking up the equipment and finally heading out to the training field, Elsa could not help but feel truly happy.

“Elsa, you are not focusing!” Leliana snapped, bringing Elsa out of her thoughts finally as she sighed and stood behind her to straighten her stance again.

“Sorry!” Elsa replied sheepishly, trying not to get distracted again as Leliana positioned her hand on her stomach in order to force her to think about her posture once more. “Perhaps if you did not stand so close…”

“There will be more factors when you are hunting. If you cannot concentrate with me at your back, then how will you concentrate on moving targets? Or on the rest of your hunting party?” Leliana replied, her breath feeling far too close to Elsa’s ear to actually help.

Closing her eyes, Elsa tried to focus once more, raising her bow, without its arrow and holding it so that Leliana could check her stance once more. She could still feel Leliana’s hands on her waist, moving around to grasp onto her sides and up to fix where Elsa’s hand should be at her chin.

“Will people not notice how close you are?” Elsa asked, her eyes flickering over to where some others were training.

“Only if you act as if it is affecting you, Elsa,” Leliana laughed, replacing her hand on her stomach once more. “I think you can hold this without me now.”

Stepping away, Leliana moved to hand her an arrow and stepped back as Elsa nocked it upon her bow. Elsa found herself missing the warmth at her back, yet she focused once more, raising her bow and aiming. At least it was easier aiming, with her knowledge of knife throwing, even if this was an entirely different instrument altogether. She had perhaps been better at aiming than getting into her stance in the first place. Taking a deep breath, Elsa let the arrow loose, watching as it arched through the air and hit the target closer to the bullseye than she had ever gotten it before.

“YES!” Elsa called, raising her hands into the air in celebration.

“Well done!” Leliana laughed, shaking her head. “Although, please watch where you put that bow! It would be awkward if you took someone’s eye out, yes?”

Giggling, Elsa nodded, lowering the bow and her hand. “Perhaps I won’t find myself dead at the end of this hunting trip like I thought!”

“I would not joke about that if I were you, Elsa,” Leliana said, frowning slightly.

“Why? Do you know something that I don’t?” Elsa asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously as Leliana seemed to look away.

The woman shook her head, placing her hands on her hips and looking pointedly at the bow. “We have some work to do. Please, nock another arrow.”

“Leliana… are you feeling okay?” Elsa asked, bemused at the sudden change in Leliana’s demeanor.

“Yes, I am just fine, Elsa. Now, please, we have much to do and far little time to do it in.”

Nodding, Elsa did as she was told, raising the bow to ready herself for another shot. She managed to focus, despite the way her mind was processing all of what was happening. There was no mistaking it, Leliana was acting strange and perhaps that was because she cared for her. But how did that explain all the other times? When Leliana had felt off, in ways that no one else seemed to notice. It could not be ignored anymore, that was for certain, but what it meant, Elsa had no idea yet.

As she let another arrow loose, hitting the target even closer to the bullseye than before to a round of applause from Leliana, she stored the observation away for another day. Whatever was happening, she needed to be at her best and she was certain that something would make everything clearer in the weeks to come. With Arl Howe arriving, it felt inevitable.

 


	6. VI

There was a bitter wind that seemed to assault them all as they stood, awaiting Rendon Howe’s carriage as it made its way down the track towards the estate. Elsa smoothed out the creases in her dress as she stood next to Thomas, trying to pass the time in whatever way she could so that perhaps her anxiety would ease. She could not believe that time had gone so quickly and that Howe would be staying with them for a month. There was something in the pit of her stomach, a sinking feeling that she could not even begin to place.

She wished she actually believed in the Maker, as praying to him to help her through this would have been an excellent idea. Alas, she would have to weather this herself, especially as Leliana had begun to feel so distant as of late. It felt like a dance of sorts, where Leliana would be kissing her one moment, her hands cupping her cheeks or running through her hair, but the next, she would be avoiding her and not speaking to her unless they had to train. It was strange, yet Elsa could not help but feel as if those moments when they were together, were the happiest she had been. Maker, even the times when she was avoiding her, Elsa still thought about her and that was enough to bring a smile to her face. It was pathetic, she should be feeling sad but in all honesty, she knew Leliana would return to her later, with those kisses and that laughter that she adored so much.

“Are you feeling okay, Elsa?” Thomas asked, breaking Elsa out of her thoughts.

“What?” Elsa asked, looking up at where her husband was looking down at her with concern etched onto his face. “Oh, yes, yes, I am fine. Do not worry about me, Thomas.”

“You know that I always do…”

Elsa smiled up at Thomas at that, patting his arm before facing forward again, her hands clasped in front of her. At least things would be easier now that Thomas had been taking a renewed interest in making sure that she felt as comfortable as possible. It was kind of him, although Elsa still wished his intent was merely friendly. It would have been nice to have him back as a friend, rather than whatever strange thing had occurred between them.

Still, Elsa could not dwell, particularly as the large carriage, followed by a numerous procession of others finally pulled up in front of the estate. Smiling tightly, Elsa watched as Rendon Howe descended from the first carriage, wearing his travelling leathers and smiling in that sneering fashion that always reminded her of a weasel. Not that she would ever say as such, Maker knows those poor weasels didn’t deserve that comparison. Elsa tried hard not to smirk at that, intent on schooling her features so that no one would ask her what was so amusing to her.

“Thomas, it is good to see you,” Howe said, moving forward and shaking his son’s hand. Thomas smiled broadly, returning the handshake with vigor. “Ah and Elsa, your father has been asking for your health.”

Elsa curtsied to Howe, as was her expected greeting and smiled at him, despite the unease in her stomach.

“Welcome to our home, Arl Howe,” Elsa said, as she straightened up again. “I hope everything is to your liking.”

“I am certain that it will be,” Howe said, smiling that uneasy smile again. “I feel as if I am forever hearing your name within my son’s letters. He never stops talking about you, even now.”

“Only good things, I hope,” Elsa laughed, trying to act as naturally as possible.

Howe merely smiled, his eyes glinting and his laughter hollow as he did not even respond to the comment. Instead, he turned back to his son, as if purposefully ignoring Elsa from that moment on. This was not good. She knew that his response was an answer of sorts and she knew that most of Thomas’ letters had perhaps held less than the original praise that he used to heap upon her.

She wished Leliana was stood beside her right now, but as an employee of the house, she had not been invited to greet the visiting Arl. That was not her job after all and whilst she was treated far more like a guest than any other employee of the estate, Howe would have found such an invitation to be unusual. At least they would get to talk later, Elsa had made Leliana promise that they would.

“Come this way, father, I shall show you to your chambers,” Thomas said, bowing graciously to his father.

“You mean the chambers in the house that I bought for you?” Howe laughed, shaking his head. “Very well, lead the way. I trust that we will meet later, Elsa? Perhaps in the study.”

“Certainly, my lord,” Elsa replied, curtsying once more as both Thomas and Howe walked back towards the estate.

Suddenly, as they disappeared through the doors, she felt a hand on the small of her back. Turning around, she smiled as she saw Nora stood there, who was shyly standing there. Elsa had not forgotten their moment in the study and it seemed that neither had she, even if such a thing would never happen again. Not whilst Elsa’s mind was preoccupied with a certain Orlesian anyway.

“Would you like some tea to be brought to your study?” Nora asked.

“If you would be so kind, that would be lovely,” Elsa replied, placing a hand on Nora’s arm. “Now, please, it is time we all returned inside before the wind chills us all to our bones.”

Nodding gratefully, Nora unconsciously put a hand to her reddened cheeks. The chill had not been kind to any of them and Elsa could not help but chuckle as Nora experimentally blew into the air and her breath escaped in a puff of smoke. Shaking her head, Elsa smiled and moved onwards, seeking the warmth of the estate and wanting to be anywhere but looking across the farmland that surrounded the estate.

“It’s so cold in the south,” Elsa grumbled, earning herself a mutter of accordance from Nora. “I miss Highever.”

Moving out of the cold felt less like an escape from the elements and more of a surrender to the warmth. After all, how could she escape when her home was nothing more than a gilded cage. The walls seemed to offer no more sense of comfort than the cold did, especially now as unease ran within it, setting Elsa on edge. At least when it was simply Thomas and their staff, she knew how to act. She knew what to avoid and she knew where to find her solitude. But now? She could not shake the feeling that she had let a spectre in, watching and waiting, a constant threat to the uneasy and circumstantial peace that was difficult to obtain anyways.

She found herself escaping to the study quickly, hoping that the tea that would soon arrive would help calm her mind from foolish notions. Yes, Thomas’ letters had apparently divulged some of her less than positive attributes or even her distance from himself, but that did not mean that she was in any danger. Howe was her father’s friend, was he not? They had been through a war together, through trials and tribulations, through having children and seeing them marry. It was not a bond that someone could simply betray. It was unthinkable.

No, she would be safe, no matter how uncomfortable she felt, it was something she could get through. The worst that could happen would be a series of awkward dinners and that infernally awkward hunting trip that was going to happen. She needed to stop worrying, she had to.

Finally, the door opened and Elsa looked up quickly, eager to see Nora and her cup of tea enter the room. However, she soon found that, that simply was not the case, as Leliana appeared, with the tea tray in hand and two cups of tea sat upon it.

“Do I get to drink from a cup at a time, or are you joining me today?” Elsa asked, chuckling as Leliana closed the door with her hip and move to set the tray down.

Smiling, Leliana placed her fingers beneath Elsa’s chin and tilted her head up a little. The air seemed to escape from her lungs then as Elsa found it difficult to concentrate on anything other than the soft breaths that tickled across her lips or the way Leliana’s presence seemed to inevitably affect her again.

“I missed you,” Leliana hummed, finally kissing Elsa softly. She smiled into the kiss, which made Elsa’s heart skip within her chest as she wrapped her arms around Leliana’s shoulders and pulled her in.

Leliana seemed to enjoy the moment, caressing Elsa’s jaw with her fingers as she deepened the kiss. It was the first kiss that had felt this indulgent in a a few days, where they simply had the opportunity to enjoy it. Without thinking, Elsa pulled Leliana down into her lap, nuzzling her face into her neck and softly kissing her, smiling as the woman sighed happily. Fingers brushed Elsa’s hair back, stroking along the side of her face and tucking tendrils behind her ear.

“We shouldn’t do this here,” Leliana sighed, even as her grip tightened as Elsa stroked her hand along her thigh,

“Mmm, but I’ve missed you too,” Elsa purred, nipping Leliana slightly.

Giggling, Leliana pushed her away, getting to her feet quickly and brushing her shirt down. Elsa could not help but laugh too, as the woman fixed her hair, trying to remove all evidence of what they had been doing, even though her cheeks were slightly flushed and her lips were curled into an infectious smile.

“I came to join you for tea, my lady,” Leliana said, moving to pour the drinks as Elsa watched her in amusement. “I did not come here for… that.”

“You’re the one who kissed me, Leliana. Or am I a secret blood mage would forced you to do it?”

“If you were a blood mage, I doubt you’d be stupid enough to let anyone know you were one. Even me.”

“So are you saying that I _could_ be a blood mage?”

“You’d be far less skilled with those daggers of yours if you could wield magic, Elsa.”

“Oh? Have you known many mages then? I have only met a few, but they have always been in service of some lord or other. Painfully stuffy some of them, but I suppose that’s what happens when you’re locked up in a Circle Tower, I’d imagine,” Elsa said, tilting her head slightly as she considered Leliana’s smile that still hadn’t left her face.

“Indeed, I have. Although, not all of the mages I have met have been Circle mages.”

“Oh? You’ve met apostates?”

“I have had friends who are as such,” Leliana said, her eyes watching Elsa carefully, as if wanting to gauge what her reaction would be.

“And were they terrible with daggers?”

“Oh most definitely,” Leliana laughed softly, easing a little as it seemed that Elsa would not be judging her for her former choice in friends.

Elsa chuckled, picking up a cup of tea and bringing it to her lips. It was a cinnamon blend from Antiva that Elsa had been craving for far too long. She had gotten bored of the regular teas of Ferelden and this had been a perfect find. Naturally, Leliana had told her of its existence, yet another spec of joy that Leliana had brought into her life, whether she knew it or not. Sighing, Elsa allowed the liquid to warm her up inside, chasing the last essence of the wind’s chill from her bones as she felt it wrap around her like a comforting embrace. Looking up at Leliana, she wished it was a comforting embrace, for she needed one of those right now. She needed Leliana to wrap her arms around her and to tell her that this month would be over before she knew it. Sadly, they had already pushed their luck and if Howe was finished with Thomas soon, he would undoubtedly come to meet her in here.

Sure enough, a knock sounded on the heavy oak door and it opened almost instantaneously. Arl Howe walked into the room, alone, his beady eyes glancing between Elsa and Leliana with the utmost curiosity. Elsa took a sip from her tea once more, trying to act normally as Leliana placed her own cup down and bowed before Howe.

“Leliana, I presume?” Howe asked, smiling forcefully.

“Yes, my lord,” Leliana replied. “It is a pleasure to meet you.”

“Well, the pleasure is all mine,” Howe replied, his voice managing to sound far too creepy for Elsa’s liking. His voice always felt like his words had some ulterior motive, like either he was assessing your every move or had already decided to talk down to you. “My son has told me about you.”

“I trust he spoke well of me?”

“Indeed, my son speaks very highly of you and what you have done at his bequest. It is admirable of you to help young Elsa, I dare say she does need it.”

Trying her best not to scowl, Elsa smiled politely at Arl Howe, placing her cup back onto the tray and leaning back in her chair.

“Leliana has been exceedingly helpful and is a dear friend to me.”

“Your father will be pleased to hear that you have at last made an attempt to make this your home,” Howe said, his eyes glinting dangerously. “He has been concerned. We all have.”

“I can assure you, Elsa carries herself with such poise and grace. She is an intelligent and remarkable woman, my lord.”

“You are in her employ, you have to say that,” Howe laughed, his eyes never leaving Elsa’s. “Now, if you will excuse us, there are some details that Lady Howe and I need to discuss.”

Leliana hesitated for a moment, looking towards Elsa as if she truly did not want to leave her alone with her father-in-law. It was a look that probably did not go unnoticed by Howe, however Elsa found that she did not care. Instead, she nodded, smiling at Leliana and trying assuage her concern with nothing but a silent reassurance. She would be fine, it was only a simple talk.

Nodding, Leliana bowed to both of them, leaving the room, but not without one last glance over her shoulder. Her lips twisted, as if she wanted to say something, anything to give Elsa more strength. However, she closed her eyes, disappearing from sight and closing the door behind her, leaving Elsa alone once more.

Straightening her back, Elsa watched as Howe took the seat behind the desk and motioned to the chair that sat on the other side. “Please, sit.”

Reluctantly, Elsa stood up and took her new seat, crossing her legs and placing her hands on the armrests. It was the least she could do to feel powerful, even if he had taken the usual seat of power within the room. She knew what he was trying to do, to assert dominance in a room, in a house that was not even his. If her father had been here, he would not have acted like this. He would have perhaps made a joke and called her Pup. Maybe even brought up the story of when she was younger and had stolen yet another tray of cakes from the kitchens.

No, Howe was a different man entirely, despite the fact she had known him for almost as long. His eyes were colder, his nose sharp and his words a constant reminder that he was her better and be believed as such so thoroughly.

“Thomas has told me of your predicament,” Howe said, leaning back in the chair and tenting his fingers.

“Which one would that be, Arl Howe?” Elsa asked, raising an eyebrow and pursing her lips.

“He says that you are no longer happy here. That you make it known to him that you are unhappy and that in turn affects him. I have known you a long time and not once have I known you to act so cruelly,” Arl Howe said, narrowing his eyes. “Did you know how Thomas’ mother and I got through our marriage?”

“With hard work and perseverance?” Elsa suggested, trying hard not to roll her eyes.

Howe narrowed his eyes, shaking his head. “Something like that. Listen, Thomas is my youngest and his heart was carried away by you. How would your father like to hear about how you have proceed to conduct your duty?”

“Father… would understand.”

“Would he? If you and Thomas are to aid Nathaniel in taking over the Arling once I am gone, I would prefer to think that it is safe hands and with at least one heir to speak of. Is that clear?”

“With all due respect, I cannot simply decide upon having an heir.”

“No, but you could at least make an effort.”

Scowling, Elsa straightened up, clenching her hands into fists as Howe narrowed his eyes at her.

“I know you are not a foolish girl. I know what you are capable of, so I would ask that you make the attempt, lest you disappoint your family even further than you have, hmm?”

Gritting her teeth, Elsa nodded trying to calm herself from the anger that was filling her up inside. How dare he? She had done nothing but try and how on earth could she be expected to control something that was not up to her? Did he expect her to miraculously find herself with child because she tried really hard? It was ridiculous! She did not even want a child and here he was, trying to pressure her and guilt her into something of which she had no control.

It was even more infuriating how Howe nodded to the door, picking up some papers on the desk and looking at them as if this was the end of the conversation. He was genuinely dismissing her from her own study. Her sanctuary, her place of refuge and he did not even bat an eyelid about it.

Elsa got to her feet sharply, clenching her fists and turning around to leave. She could feel her nose scrunch as she snarled, trying to keep her cool even as she wanted nothing more than to punch Howe in his smarmy little face. Where would she go now? To her room where she would be without her books? To the dining room or to Thomas’ secluded study where he would undoubtedly interrupt her throughout the day?

“Elsa, are you alright?”

The words stopped her dead in her tracks, as she looked up through eyes that she had not even realised had begun to tear. Standing there, not a few feet from the door to the study, was Leliana, her face creased in concern as Elsa emerged from the room. Quickly, Leliana went to her, placing a hand at her back and steering her quickly towards her chambers. She really didn’t need to be directed anywhere, but Elsa let Leliana lead her all the same, even as her body trembled with the humiliation and rage that seemed to increase with each passing second.

She had been kicked out of her own study. Her own _fucking_ study!

“Elsa, what happened? What did he say?” Leliana asked, once the door to Elsa’s chambers had been locked.

Without replying, Elsa tore the knife at her thigh away and threw it at the bedpost with a grunt. She watched as the blade embedded itself hard into the wood and she sighed, walking over to Leliana and simply collapsing against her chest. Leliana tentatively wrapped her arms around her then, stroking her back and cradling her head as Elsa buried her face into her shoulder.

“I wish I had run when I wanted to. I wish I had run and joined the Grey Wardens or some mercenary band! I wish I had never let myself be shoved into this world of duty and _bullshit_!” Elsa seethed, her hands fisting Leliana’s shirt.

“What did he say?”

“Everyone seems to be so fucking concerned about my womb! I’m not concerned about it until it hurts me and I bleed, so why should it bother them? What if it’s not my fault? What if it’s all _his_ fault?” Elsa hissed, pushing herself away from Leliana almost as quickly as she had collapsed into her.

“Oh Elsa… you are not any less because…”

“Oh, don’t worry, I know that! They wish I didn’t know that. They wish that I sat here and cried for hours on end about it and that maybe I would beg for Thomas to impregnate a serving girl and we could raise the child as our own because who would ever need to know? Honestly, I do not want that and what is more, I know that I might not be wholly to blame. I refuse to believe I am. I don’t even want his spawn!”

Elsa moved over to the dagger and wrenched it out of the post, shoving it back into the fastening at her thigh that kept it safe. She crossed her arm and seized her chin between her thumb and forefinger as she stood, glowering at the world.

“What would they do to me? If I could not produce an heir?” Elsa asked, tilting her head.

“I know that in Orlais or Antiva, sometimes the husbands would organise bards or assassins to…”

“Kill the wives? And then what? They find out that their next wife cannot have any children either and they lament the fact that it was perhaps them all along and they beg the Maker for forgiveness for turning their first love aside?” Elsa said, rolling her eyes.

“In some cases, yes.”

“So, what of me? A woman of a well respected house, with a family who cares for her, no matter how many letters Thomas tries to hide from me, what becomes of me?”

“That would depend on Arl Howe and your husband, yes?”

“And what do you believe will happen?”

“I believe that there is nothing to worry about, Elsa,” Leliana sighed, moving over and taking Elsa’s hands within hers. She leant in, kissing Elsa’s cheek softly before pulling her into another embrace. “Thomas loves you far too much to see you die.”

“I wish he wouldn’t. I wish someone would try something, so that I could make an excuse to take my leave.”

“There would be every other chance that they would succeed, Elsa. You are not invincible,” Leliana said.

For a moment, they were quiet, as Elsa grimaced, looking away from Leliana as she knew she would be able to read the expression that crossed her face. For would that even be so bad? Would it make any difference as to why she managed to escape, so long as she actually managed it?

Unfortunately, Leliana seemed to accurately interpret her silence as she sighed and tilted Elsa chin up. She kissed her as she had done earlier, except with an increased hint of desperation. She pulled her so close, making it impossible for Elsa not to respond, to sigh into those lips and to allow Leliana to trail kisses down to her neck, her hands caressing over her dress, a perfect balance between arousing Elsa and soothing her mind. It felt like she was being swept away, cradled and protected in a way that drew her mind from darker thoughts, pulling her into the present; to soft lips and the captivating being that was Leliana.

She whined when Leliana removed her lips from her skin, instead allowing their foreheads to touch in a moment that felt more intimate than Elsa knew what to deal with. Those sky blue eyes begged her to remain, to trust and to allow Leliana to be there for her.

“You will not fall prey to any poison or blade or any other weapon used against you,” Leliana said, her grip tightening.

“Is that a promise?” Elsa asked, laughing breathily as Leliana kissed her once more.

“I will try to make it so.”

“It’s alright, I know you couldn’t make that promise anyway. How would you know exactly what to protect me from? You are after all merely an archery trainer. What would you know of poisons?” Elsa asked, smiling as she buried her face in Leliana’s neck.

“Yes… exactly,” Leliana whispered, holding Elsa even more tightly. “We should go somewhere tomorrow. I can say that it is all part of your preparations and we can take your mind off of this?”

“Yeah… yeah, okay. That sounds like a nice plan, besides,” Elsa grinned up at Leliana before kissing her on the cheek, “I really need to shoot something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little note to say that the updates will likely be every two weeks now. I got a job and so things have been hectic, also hence the late update for this time! I'm going to try and stay on top of this as much as I possibly can, don't you worry! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! ^_^


	7. VII

It had taken far too long to leave the estate in the morning, with far too many goodbyes than Elsa was entirely comfortable with. She had wanted to get out quickly, eager to escape into the world for the day and to find some semblance of peace from the smirks and sneers that she kept getting from Arl Howe. Honestly, she did not know how one man could sneer so much, even when he seemed to not even be trying to. Or perhaps it was merely her own perception of him, for Thomas didn’t seem to find any fault with it.

Thomas had been a little less than pleased when Leliana had suggested the outing during the evening. Still, it had been a lot better coming from Leliana, who had not done anything yet to aggravate Thomas in anyway. In fact, the shy looks he sometimes shot her reminded Elsa of the looks he had given her her, once he had stopped pulling her hair and started being rather taken with her. She had watched, her hands clenched as he had smiled in that same way. She could not blame him, for Leliana was a unique and intriguing individual, but she couldn’t help but feel a little possessive. She was her friend, her… whatever it was they were and not his.

Scowling, Elsa placed her final pack on her favourite mare, Moira, trying to force all of the negativity from her mind. This was supposed to be the day when she would get a chance to actually enjoy herself for a change, away from prying eyes for the first time since her and Leliana had begun their affair. The woman looked over as Leliana moved to the front of her mare, stroking her snout gently and cooing softly at the animal. She seemed so peaceful and Elsa couldn’t help but smile at the ease at which the horse seemed to take to her.

“Are you ready, Elsa?” Leliana asked, finally looking over as she took the reins and walked over to her.

Nodding, Elsa moved to mount Moira, eager to finally see the estate disappear into the distance without the knowledge that Freya would have ensure that they would be back far too soon. Leliana had managed to persuade Thomas to let them leave for a couple of days. It had been so long since she had been out for so long without Thomas by her side, since she had been able to feel like she could breathe.

“Come on, let’s go!” Elsa said, moving Moira to trot out of the stables.

She could hear Leliana follow her out, yet she did not stop to check whether she was behind her. Elsa was too impatient, too eager to leave the horror that was her life, even if it were only for a couple of days. As soon as she was able, she encouraged Moira forward, moving to a canter and finally to a gallop, feeling the wind one more in her hair.

The sun was still rising, casting dawn’s light across the moors. The world seems shrouded in an early morning mist, a sight that reminded Elsa of the beauty in the world, despite how much she loathed the walls which caged her. It managed to enthrall Elsa so much that she almost missed the way Leliana had managed to catch up to her, her voice shouting to Elsa through the thoughts that seemed to be distracting her.

Finally, Elsa heard the sound, encouraging Moira to slow down and laughing as Leliana squealed and tried to follow suit before she raced too far ahead. The Orlesian narrowed her eyes playfully as she pulled her mare to a stop and waited for Elsa to catch up again.

“Are you alright, Elsa?” Leliana asked, tilting her head slightly as the women started off on a leisurely trot over the fields.

“Never better,” she replied, smiling broadly for what felt like the first time in forever. “Although, you told me which direction to ride in earlier, but I still have no idea where you plan on taking me.”

Leliana giggled, shaking her head at Elsa. “That would ruin the surprise, no?”

“What? Are you going to take me somewhere exciting? Not just some new patch of woods to practice hunting in?”

“Oh, the archery can wait,” Leliana said, smiling impishly. “I have something else in mind for today.”

“Does it involve us kissing some more?” Elsa asked, biting her lip as she did so.

“Perhaps we shall see.”

 

**xxx**

 

They rode for hours, enjoying light conversation as they made good progress south, through the Bannorn. Elsa still had no idea where they were going, but Leliana seemed to know exactly where she was heading, so at least, she thought, it was unlikely that they would get lost. They had met the road from Denerim, following the dusty paths and riding passed the countless merchants and travelers that were headed in the opposite direction, towards the capital.

Denerim had always been a city that Elsa had wanted to spend more time in and one she had found herself in so very little. She half wished that they would turn around and head north instead and spend days travelling to Ferelden’s capital. Perhaps they could also visit Highever if this fantasy trip were to happen, or Val Royeaux, or perhaps even further, like Kirkwall or Ostwick? Antiva City or Llomeryn? Oh they could get on a boat and travel so far away from this place!

Sighing, Elsa looked over at Leliana who was focusing on the road now. The young noble watched her, taking in the way her hair moved as she did, as her eyes twinkled in the light of the sun. Oh what Elsa wouldn’t give to make this her constant reality. Just her and Leliana on the road, exploring the world and all of the wonders that Elsa had only read of in books. She wanted to walk the streets of Val Royeaux with her, marveling at the markets and the beauty of the Chant singing through the streets, as Leliana had once described to her. She wanted to clasp Leliana’s hand in her own, dragging her from stall to stall and buying her small gifts that she knew would make Leliana’s face light up with that gorgeous smile of hers.

“We’re here!” Leliana said suddenly, pulling Elsa out of her thoughts once more.

Shaking her head, Elsa returned her attentions forward, squinting as she made out the outlines of a small settlement in the distance. It was certainly no Val Royeaux, nor was it a Highever or even a Redcliffe, but it was somewhere new and Elsa found herself excited nonetheless.

“What is that place?” Elsa asked, looking at Leliana in confusion.

“Lothering. It is a small settlement, set on the crossroads of the Imperial Highway. It is a commuter town, but it has merchants that stop in on their travels, a Chantry and a tavern.”

“I assume that is the order we will visit all of these places in?” Elsa laughed, amused at the sudden thought of them going to the Chantry, tipsy after drinks in the tavern.

“Of course. It would not be respectful to visit a Chantry whilst drunk, Elsa,” Leliana giggled, shaking her head. “Especially not one where the people are known to me.”

“Wait… what?”

“I shall explain soon enough,” Leliana said, winking at Elsa before she urged her mare to pick up speed on the last leg.

Elsa quickly followed suit, frowning slightly at this new piece of information. How did Leliana know of this place and these people? It certainly seemed like she knew more about this place than simply picking a destination that could be reached by them swiftly, so as to make the most of these two days. Then again, Elsa knew very little of Leliana besides the obvious and the thought of learning more was an exciting prospect. Elsa wanted to know everything about this woman, whose smile and laugh had captivated her so thoroughly.

As they finally got to the village, Leliana lead them to a stables. She greeted the man there as if she knew him, a curious sight as Elsa waited as pleasantries and smiles were exchanged. The man looked at Elsa then before asking Leliana something that Elsa could not hear, as the words had been muted and quiet, obviously meant to keep Elsa from overhearing them. Before long, the man took the reins of the horses, promising Elsa that they would be safe with him before Leliana pulled her away.

Frowning slightly, Elsa found it more difficult to not ask questions. It was against her nature to not ask them and watching these scenes unfold before her made her far more curious about the woman beside her than she had ever been before. What would a woman who had obviously been trained and circulated in the higher levels of Orlesian and now Ferelden society have been doing in a place such as this? Especially for long enough for local stableboys to be doing her favours.

“I can hear you thinking, Elsa,” Leliana laughed, nudging Elsa playfully with her arm. “If you have any questions, you may ask them.”

Elsa stopped abruptly, turning to Leliana and tilting her head slightly. She pursed her lips, trying to figure out which question would be best to ask first. It seemed as if Leliana was waiting patiently for her, smiling gently at Elsa, as if she really wouldn’t be bothered by any question flung her way.

“How did you know of this place? Did you spend some time here?” Elsa finally asked, deciding that was probably for the best.

“I was told of this place by an old friend,” Leliana replied. It was a vague answer, of which both Elsa and Leliana were very aware of. “There was a time in my life when I needed to figure out what was important to me. I spent just over a year as a lay-sister in the Chantry here.”

“You… were a Sister?”

“A lay-sister, yes. I did not take any vows, merely pledged myself to the Maker, for a time.”

“Why?” Elsa asked, scrunching up her face. She had never really found any peace in the Chantry, nor the Maker and it always baffled her as to why people would pledge their lives to someone they could not even be sure existed.

“I had heard the Chant so much in Val Royeaux that I realised I did not know enough of it. I wanted to go to a place that was serene, where I could have time to think on things and to experience a new side of life,” Leliana explained, smiling gently as they continued to walk. “Does that satisfy your curiosity?”

“A little…” Elsa said, biting her lip as she contemplated the answer.

It was a simple enough answer and a perfectly plausible one. The Chant was lovely when sung right and a calmer life would be something to search for, yet something felt off. Something about the explanation felt as if it were rehearsed and not natural. A carefully constructed lie or half truth that would satisfy someone who was not willing to do anything but trust. Whilst Elsa did trust her, she couldn’t ignore whatever was in her mind, screaming that something was not quite right. It was simply her way and as she surveyed Leliana, she knew that perhaps getting the truth from her would be a little harder to do. There was obviously a reason for it and it was that reason that Elsa put her trust in.

Smiling, Leliana laced her fingers in Elsa’s, pulling her back to the present once more. The Orlesian, lifted her hand up to stroke Elsa’s cheek, a motion that caused a small sigh to leave Elsa’s lips. Leliana was trying to distract her and Maker was it working. Slowly, Elsa leaned in closer, tilting her head up so that their lips were mere inches apart. If she was going to be distracted, then they should at least do it properly.

Leliana closed the distance, kissing Elsa softly and running her hand to the back of her neck. It was a soft and sweet kiss, one that Elsa found she could get lost in. She wrapped her arms around Leliana’s waist, holding the woman close as her heart skipped within her chest. She could not remember a time when she had felt so light, when her chest felt open rather than being constricted and anxious. It was easy to wish that they did not have to leave such a position, yet as Leliana pulled away, Elsa noticed the looks they were getting from some of the merchants, templars and villagers who had borne witness to them.

“Come on,” Leliana said, lacing their fingers together once more. “I believe I had a village to show you!”

 

**xxx**

 

The day had gone far too quickly for Elsa’s taste. It had seemed as if time had flown by, with Leliana’s hand in hers and her melodious voice speaking to her throughout the day, showing her all the things she had come to love in her time at Lothering. There had been the Chantry, where it had been strange to see so many of the Sisters greet Leliana. The Templars spoke to her too, asking how she had been in the years since her departure and some even joking about whether she still remembered the Chant.

It had been a little unsettling, as Chantries had never been the easiest or most welcoming of places for Elsa. She always found herself not wanting to intrude on these people and the faith they held, whilst hers remained solidly in what she could prove and see. It was not that she thought less of them, far from it, would that she could find peace in such a form, but it simply was not how she worked nor what she believed in. Still, it was up to them and if they were happy then who was she to say anything against them.

Indeed, most of them had graciously welcomed her when Leliana introduced her. Though it had been obvious which had caused Leliana the most grief for her, as Elsa had come to learn, unorthodox beliefs. Apparently, her beliefs that the Maker is present in the world were met with such great resistance, no matter that it was the most logical expression of why the Maker exists. His actions would speak far more than His inaction, surely? Yet, such logical thinking seemed entirely lost on these people who were so firmly mired in their ways.

Whilst Elsa had not hated it, she truly preferred where they were now, huddled in a corner of the tavern with food and drink. Leliana was talking animatedly about one of the purchases she had made earlier in the day. A merchant selling Orlesian goods had been passing through on his way to Denerim and Elsa had laughed at the joy in Leliana’s eyes as she had picked out the most gorgeous pair of shoes that Elsa had seen. It was nice to see Leliana like this, her eyes twinkling joyfully and her words lilting.

“You have barely touched your food, Elsa,” Leliana finally said, tilting her head to the side as she looked at Elsa with concern. “Are you feeling alright, ma chérie?”

Nodding, Elsa merely smiled, reaching her hand forward and trailing her fingers delicately over Leliana’s hand. The woman watched her for a moment, a warm smile tugging at her lips as Elsa continued to draw intricate patterns upon her skin. It was an action that Elsa found calming, as if the feeling of Leliana’s skin beneath hers could soothe any worries in her mind. For now, she needed it more than anything, as the happiness she felt seemed to be overshadowed by the reminder that this was only temporary. These shared meals and drinks, the conversations that had been freer than ever before, they would all end as soon as they had to return back to the estate. Frowning, Elsa stilled her hand, only to have Leliana intertwine their fingers a moment later, squeezing comfortingly as if she knew exactly what was running through her mind.

“We could go to the room that we paid for, if you prefer? It is quieter there,” Leliana suggested, resuming the gentle hand stroking from where Elsa had left off.

“It… not yet,” Elsa said, shrugging. “I have never even spent time in a tavern before and I want to experience this at least. I mean, there has not been one fight, even if there have been crowds of drunken singing. It’s not even late, how have they already had so much to drink?”

Leliana laughed melodiously, causing Elsa to laugh as well. “Oh, you have never been to a tavern before? You are so sweet.”

“I am not!”

“Yes, you are! It is like seeing a child excited to see things for the first time. Did you know that your eyes light up in the promise of learning something new? It is rather endearing.”

“Oh? So do you notice anything else about me?”

Leliana smiled slyly, scooting into the seat beside her and leaning in as close as possible. Her words were hushed, making certain that the conversation would only be heard by their ears only.

“Your brow creases in concentration when you try to focus and your eyes harden, as if you are determined to get it right, with all of your might. Then, there is the way you always stare when you think that I am not watching, your lips curling into the sweetest of smiles that it my heart sometimes stops beating in my chest…”

Her hand landed on Elsa’s thigh, caressing her slowly as she leant in, her lips barely brushing against her ear.

“Is that all?” Elsa asked, closing her eyes and sighing at the feeling of Leliana’s breaths tickling her. She could feel her stomach twisting as hands continued to touch her, a seed of longing and desire being planted there so firmly that Elsa was beginning to find it difficult to breathe.

“Hmm, non. I have noticed the slight intake of breath when I get near, the way your sink into me as if you need to feel me against you. The gentle sighs when I kiss you, the way you look at me from across the room when you should be concentrating on Thomas. I have noticed it all, Elsa.”

“I have noticed some things about you as well, Leliana,” Elsa said, her breath hitching slightly as Leliana’s fingers inched a little higher, an action that everyone else besides Elsa was oblivious to.

“Have you now?”

Elsa turned to her, watching carefully as that hint of something hidden seemed to flash in Leliana’s eyes again. Her body stiffened slightly, if only for a moment and whilst she tried to remain as unperturbed as possible, there was that familiar sense that something was off, no matter how well hidden it might be. She wondered whether she should say any of those things, whether she should let Leliana know what she has seen and ask her what they all mean. Yet this was an evening for happier times and as foolish as it might end up being, Elsa didn’t want to break this spell. She did not want Leliana to move away from her, to find her thigh devoid of that hand that was forming so many images in Elsa’s mind that she could barely contain herself.

“I have noticed that you are a possibly the sweetest and most surprising asshole that I have ever met,” Elsa finally said, smirking as she did so.

The tension in Leliana seemed to ease then, returning back to normal as she returned the smile. Leaning forward, the Orlesian captured her lips in a soft and gentle kiss that seemed to finally succeed in leaving Elsa breathless. Her body flickering with heat, as if it needed to feel those kisses more insistently, more frequently and most certainly everywhere that Leliana could get to. Leaning back, Elsa nipped Leliana’s lip then, ducking backwards as Leliana tried to close the distance again.

“We should go to our room,” Elsa whispered, trailing her fingers along Leliana’s cheek. “We have too many eyes on us in here.”

“And what are your intentions there, Elsa?” Leliana asked. “I could regale you with more stories? Perhaps I could tell you of the curious things I have done with caramel pudding?”

“I… that sounds like a good story,” Elsa replied, biting her lip.

“Come then,” Leliana said, rising to her feet as she did so.

Leaning down, she picked up their plates and motioned to one of the serving girls that they were taking them through into the rooms, before turning to find the room they had bought earlier. There had been a moment when Elsa had wondered whether it would be more sensible to get two separate rooms, if only to save face when they returned home, but then, what would the point in that be? Besides, she could simply say that they slept in the same bed in order to spare money that could go on other things around the estate and what did it matter, if they were simply friends anyway. A lie, yes, but since when had Elsa regretted telling lies to her husband?

The moment that they entered the room and locked the door behind them, Elsa found herself brimming with anticipation. From the look in Leliana’s eyes, there would be time for regaling her with stories later, as she looked at her through her eyelashes, biting her lip as she moved away from where she had set the food and drinks down.

Elsa wetted her lips as Leliana walked over to her, backing her up until her back hit the wall and all the breath seemed to flee from her lungs. The Orlesian snaked an arm around her waist, pulling her closer as the other stroked tentative patterns along her cheek. Those sky blue eyes seemed to stare at her intently, a small war happening behind them until they seemed to steel in her final decision.

Without further pause, Leliana moved in once more, kissing Elsa with far more insistence than before. Elsa gasped, wrapping her arms around Leliana’s shoulders and pulling her as close as possible to her, sighing happily as she felt hands caress her gently. Her mind began to spin as she felt nothing but the emotions and the sensations awarded to her by Leliana. The sweet taste of wine on her tongue, the smell of flowers and morning dew that always seemed to follow Leliana wherever she went. The feeling of her hands, questing down until they squeezed the swell of Elsa’s backside.

“What about taking things slowly?” Elsa asked, moaning as Leliana’s kisses moved down her jaw and along her neck.

“This may be our only chance…” Leliana replied, leaning her head against Elsa’s forehead for a moment. “I… we should do this. I want to do this with you. May I?”

Leliana’s hands toyed with the bottom of Elsa’s shirt, pushing it up slightly and allowing her fingers to trail across the exposed skin. She bit her lip, watching the path of her hands before looking at Elsa with an expression so filled with desire that it took her by surprise. There was nothing holding her back now. No rationale that seemed to be keeping her from doing what she wanted to do to her. It was exciting to see, how those blue eyes seemed to show her giving into this need that both of them had tried to tamper until now.

Finally, Leliana closed the distance once more, kissing her sensually as her hands pushed up her shirt and massaged her gently through her breast band. Elsa gasped, arching her back into the movement and moaning at the sensation. No one had touched her like this in so long, or at least no one who had not been her husband. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to be swept up in the way Leliana’s fingers teased her, stroking and trailing along areas delicately with more skill than anyone else had done.

“You are so beautiful, Elsa,” Leliana whispered, kissing down her neck and nipping slightly. “I mean, most of your facial features are in the right place and the sounds you make are so pretty.”

“Fuck you,” Elsa laughed, threading her hand in Leliana’s hair as she felt the woman smile against her.

Leliana giggled at that, leaning back and finally pulling the shirt over her head and reaching around to remove her breast band. As soon as Elsa’s chest was exposed, Leliana moved back slightly, her eyes trailing down the now naked top half of her body and her hands eagerly following suit. There was a reverence to the way Leliana touched her, as if she were relishing in every touch and sight, each rise and fall of Elsa’s chest as they stood in relative silence. Finally, her hands moved up to cup her small breasts, her thumbs brushing over her nipples until Elsa’s breath hitched in her throat.

“Leliana…” Elsa pleaded, needing nothing else than for Leliana to touch her.

It seemed as if the world stopped moving as they relished in each other, with gentle sighs and the intense kisses that seemed so intoxicating that only Leliana seemed to exist in Elsa’s world. Where the only thing she wanted to feel was the way in which Leliana’s skin felt beneath her fingers as they finished undressing each other, or the way in which Leliana moved them over to the bed, kissing her fiercely as she pressed her into the mattress.

With each plea, Leliana seemed only to be encouraged in her movements, with her mouth tasting every inch of skin that she could find, her fingers pulling at Elsa’s strings like a finely tuned instrument, coaxing each sound and cry from her lips. Her stomach twisted as fingers finally found the space between her thighs, slowly circling and stroking until Elsa could barely even think anymore. Words, laced in desire and mostly sounded in her Orlesian tongue, were whispered into Elsa’s ear, complimenting and encouraging the way she writhed beneath deft fingers and the teasing of her lover’s tongue upon her breast.

She clung to Leliana, her hands tracing the curves of her body and caressing each inch of skin she could find as her body gave in to all of the sensations that Leliana was making her feel. It was wondrous and Elsa could not remember the last time that sex had felt this good. There was a softness to Leliana, a softness to women in general, that she had missed so much. The way she finally felt as if she was being catered to, rather than simply a means to an end, someone to enjoy and to indulge in, rather than simply being okay with her lack of moans and enthusiasm to perform her duty.

This was no duty. This was fun and loving and Elsa could not even hope for anything better. She pulled Leliana up, wrapping her arms around her neck and pulling her into a kiss as she felt the knot in her stomach tighten and tighten, bringing her closer and closer as Leliana’s fingers dipped inside of her, thrusting and curling until her cries unabashedly filled the room. Her climax was like a sweet release. It had been so long since she had felt the way her muscles constricted or felt the joy of being guided through, carefully and surely until she felt safe and secure in the arms of her lover.

Tears sprang to her eyes as she buried her face in Leliana’s shoulder, her nails digging into her back as she writhed beneath her. Soft kisses were peppered on her face, from her forehead to her cheeks to the tip of her nose. Leliana wasted no time in her soothing whispers, her gentle touches as she heard the sniffle that Elsa made in the vain attempt to hold back her tears.

“Are you alright? Did I hurt you?” Leliana asked, moving off of Elsa quickly and wrapping her arm around her waist.

Shaking her head, Elsa found the tears coming harder now, as mortifying as that was. What kind of fool was she being, now that she was crying after having an orgasm? She hid her face, viciously rubbing the tears away before hiding herself completely. Leliana giggled slightly then, moving Elsa’s hands away from her face and placing a kiss at the corner of her lips.

“Elsa, please, tell me what is on your mind,” Leliana prompted, her hand moving to brush away some hair that had plastered itself to Elsa’s face.

“I… oh this is so ridiculous!”

“I am sure that it’s not,” Leliana said, her voice soft and calming.

“Leliana, I have legitimately just had my first orgasm in years that someone else has given me and I am now crying! How is this not embarrassing?”

“It’s rather adorable, actually,” she giggled, nuzzling into Elsa’s neck and kissing her gently. “It can be a very emotional experience, yes? And it has been a long time for you… I do not think it is so embarrassing that you should hide your face.”

“So you mean to say, it is a little embarrassing?”

“Elsa, you need not be ashamed of crying in front of me. I enjoyed this, I enjoy you, please, do not worry.”

Frowning slightly, Elsa turned her head and watched Leliana as she looked at her, her face open and warm and her eyes twinkling in the candlelight. There was nothing but honesty in her eyes, a sense that Elsa could trust her and feel safe with her. Shifting closer, Elsa turned onto her side and cupped Leliana’s cheek, pulling the woman in for another sweet kiss. She closed her eyes, losing herself in the feelings of Leliana’s tongue against her own and the soft caress of her hand along her waist. It was a beautiful moment and Elsa could not help but wish to cry again.

Instead, she moved forward, rolling Leliana onto her back and rocking herself against her. Both women gasped and Leliana hands moved to her hips, eagerly encouraging her to roll them again.

“Let’s see if I still know how to be good at this,” Elsa said, trailing her hands over Leliana’s chest and massaging her breasts softly.

“I have faith in you,” Leliana whispered, wrapping her arms around Elsa’s neck and pulling her down so that they were pressed firmly against each other, their bodies as close as they could be.

Smiling, Elsa ran her fingers through Leliana’s fiery hair, relishing in the softness of it beneath her fingers. With one last look into Leliana’s eyes, Elsa moved forward, rocking her hips once more and moaning into the kisses that she bestowed upon the woman beneath her.

She had never felt so happy, so content, in all of her recent years. There was a comfort to being in Leliana’s arms, a sense that things were right and that she was exactly where she needed to be. As she made her move to kiss down the expanse of Leliana’s body, enjoying the sighs and whimpers that escaped Leliana’s lips as she kissed lower and lower, she could not help but think that this was exactly where she needed to be. It was silly, how quickly this had happened, how despite their situation and despite the things that made Elsa question everything, that she still found herself falling for this woman. In fact, perhaps it was too late, for as Leliana sighed her name through the air, Elsa knew that she had already fallen. That she loved Leliana more than she ever could have hoped for.

It was difficult though. How could she remain in her life when she felt this way? When her whole body screamed for her to take this moment and make it last for a lifetime? No, she needed to get out and she needed to retake her life, but that was for another day, another step. Right now, all Elsa needed was the feeling of Leliana’s body, writhing beneath her as she finally indulged in the very thing she had been longing for for so long. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo... the smut happened ;D I think I might have toed the line between mature and explicit... who knows. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this and I am sorry that it took so long for me to update! xx


	8. VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry once again that this took so long! As with everything, my writing has been all or nothing lately, meaning I wrote this in hardly any time at all but I procrastinated it for weeks :') Whoops? Anyways, I hope you enjoy this. Also, there's some violence in this chapter. It's not entirely graphic enough to add it as a warning, because I take little joy in writing graphic violence, however, I wanted to warn anyone who may have an issue.

There was a bittersweetness to the morning sun. On one hand, Elsa could feel the way that Leliana snuggled into her, her breaths tickling against her skin as it had done before and her arms giving her far more security than she had ever thought she deserved. Then of course, there was the unavoidable fact that they would need to leave Lothering today and return back to the estate.

Groaning, Elsa covered her eyes with her hands, hoping that if she wished hard enough, that she could turn into someone else entirely and find that she didn’t need to go anywhere. She could just stay here in this small, inconsequential village with Leliana in her bed, simply existing in the happiness that had filled her last night. Oh but last night!

Elsa turned to look at Leliana then, stroking her cheek softly as the woman stirred slightly and a lazy smile pulled at her lips. Oh, how beautiful she was. Last night felt like a dream come true, a moment of calm and love that Elsa found that she craved again and again.

“We could stay here and have sex for hours. Who says we need to get back?” Elsa suggested, as Leliana placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

“Your _husband_ , Elsa,” Leliana yawned, burying her face in her lover’s neck. “You need to keep up appearances for the time being, especially whilst his father is visiting.”

“If I keep using that sort of logic then I will never get out of this hell! And wouldn’t it be fun if we could do this all day? Well… maybe not _all_ day, but I could certainly see us seeing each other once we had finished work, coming in to kiss whoever was home first and eating dinner as a… couple,” Elsa sighed, wrapping her arms around Leliana and stroking her back softly.

“That sounds very domestic of you,” Leliana giggled. “And what would you be doing?”

“Maybe I could go to the University of Orlais? And you can do… whatever it is you wish to do! The world is our oyster and we could do so much in it if only we allowed ourselves the chance to!”

“And what of the worlds that keep us locked in chains?”

“What world is that for you?” Elsa asked, arching an eyebrow. “I am still trying to figure out what is up with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“There are times when I can tell… I do not know what you keep from me. Perhaps I should not worry, we are all allowed our own secrets after all. Does it bother me? Occasionally. But it isn’t my place to pry. You’ll tell me if you want to tell me and if not… I shall accept that. No matter how much I am simply _dying_ to know,” Elsa said, looking into Leliana’s eyes as the woman leant away from her.

Those sparkling blue eyes surveyed her, as if she were trying to figure out whether there was any falsehoods in her words. Elsa could see it, a technique she used often and would normally work very much in her favour. She could see how Leliana delved into her mind, pushing behind those icy blues until they could grasp onto some shred of truth in amongst the haze of morning sleep.

“You keep bringing this up,” Leliana said, finally. “I do not think you will ever stop bringing it up.”

“I… okay, fine.”

Leliana sighed for a moment, before kissing Elsa softly. She knew what was happening, as Leliana pushed her back onto the bed, her kisses becoming far more insistent and her hands wandering across her bare skin. This was a distraction, once again, to pull her thoughts away and it was working frustratingly well. The feeling of Leliana’s tongue as it slowly stroked against her own was enough to make Elsa forget what her name was, let alone the questions that had once been swirling around in her head.

The distraction continued for hours, as Elsa and Leliana forgot the conversations they had woken up to and had simply spent the remaining time, touching and kissing every inch of skin that they could. For Elsa, it felt like home and she could not help but keep that dream of a happier life in the forefront of her mind. Maker, she would die to make this her reality. To make lazy mornings and slow, sensual kisses something that she would never have to go without.

It broke her heart, when they pulled away for the last time, hurrying to get dressed and to begin their journey, lest they arrive too late for dinner, a time that Thomas had made it known that only the best of excuses would be accepted if they were late. It was with a heavy heart and soul, that Elsa and Leliana left behind the quiet village of Lothering, their memories of happier times left in the walls of a tavern room.

Elsa closed her eyes for a moment, as they made a slow progress back to the estate, trusting that Moira would follow Leliana’s lead and allow her a moment to think. There would be some things that she would need to do as soon as she got back to the estate. First, she needed to write a letter to her family in Highever, she needed Fergus’ jokes and banter more than anything right now. He would know what to do. He would know how to make everything better, even if it was the most ridiculous suggestion that Elsa had ever heard. At least she would laugh, knowing that her family was out there, still looking out and caring for her, even if she was so very far away.

Second, she would need to figure out how she was going to survive this blasted hunting trip. She was so severely underprepared for it and there was a feeling niggling in the back of her mind that she needed to be careful. Many things could happen, particularly as she was still not as practiced with her bow as she would need to be. The thought of travelling with Thomas and Rendon, having to deal with two Howes at the same time, felt like a nightmare in the making, particularly if Arl Howe continued to view her with such disdain.

When had that even happened, she wondered. There had been a time when the man would have sat with her father, laughing about Elsa’s exploits of the day as she proudly exclaimed them to the adults, smiling toothily before retiring to her bed; when he had smiled and wished her well when she had married her son, a day where her cheeks had hurt from all of the pretend smiles she had graciously worn upon her face. Now, his eyes were hard and his lips pursed in a way that made her blood run cold. For the first time, she considered what kind of man Howe was, trying to place the unease in her mind with a certain characteristic that would jump out at her and warn her to watch out. Yet, she could find none. None that would outweigh the years and years of good will between them and their families. Had her inability to produce an heir truly caused that much trouble?

“Elsa, be alert,” Leliana suddenly hissed, breaking Elsa away from her thoughts.

The young woman sat up a little straighter, frowning slightly as Leliana seemed to be on high alert, her eyes darting around and her hand slightly clenched upon the reins. Frowning slightly, Elsa followed suit, her ears straining as she tried to listen out for anything out of the ordinary. A crack of twigs. A rustle of clothing. They were not alone.

Her mind began to race, checking through things to ensure she would react quickly. Daggers at her thighs and in her coat, a bow attached to Moira in an easy to reach position, should she need to use it. Leliana, allowing her mare to trot closer to Elsa now, huddling against her as if they would award them more protection from whomever was following them.

“How long?”

“A few minutes. I had wondered if I was imagining it, but I saw a shadow move over by the trees,” Leliana whispered, her lips barely moving as they tried to act as natural as possible.

“I see them. How many? I see… three at least.”

“I counted at least four, although there could be a fifth up ahead. Are you prepared for a fight?” Leliana replied, finally looking at Elsa.

Leliana’s eyes were hardened in a grim determination, as if she had quickly settled within herself that she would do what needed to be done to survive this. The potential ambush would not be too far away and Elsa knew that she would have to fight in a way she had not done in years. In fact, most of her life, she had fought on a training ground with soldiers who knew that if they hurt her, they would be in worse trouble than Elsa would care to imagine. She had the talent for it, but she had not had to fight with the fear that someone would kill her, an issue that, judging by the look on Leliana’s face, the older woman did not share. Interesting.

Taking a deep breath, Elsa steadied herself, preparing herself for what would come. Oh but there would be blood and corpses and hopefully neither of those things would belong to her. She could handle it, she supposed. Certainly, it would be far different than how it was described in books, she knew that much, but she hoped within the pit of her stomach that she was ready for this. She would have to be. If she was not, then her and Leliana could be in serious trouble.

Leliana.

No. She could not fail, not in the slightest. This was not just her life on the line, was it? It was Leliana’s as well and if she did not have her back sufficiently, then it would be her corpse that would join hers and that was something that she could not allow to happen. She refused. She would protect the woman that she… she would protect her. She would protect her no matter the cost and no matter how tired she got. If these would-be robbers thought they could snuff out the light that was Leliana, then they would be sorely mistaken.

Tightening her jaw and her resolve, Elsa straightened her back, feeling the anger and determination swell within her as they rode on. In the distance, they could see a carriage, overturned and with a screaming woman next to it, calling to them for help. If this was not the oldest trick in any book that Elsa had ever read, Elsa would eat her glove. It was insulting really, did they truly think for a second that they had not been seen and that their diversion would truly catch them by surprise.

Scoffing, Elsa rolled her eyes, much to Leliana’s apparent amusement. The redhead giggled, shaking her head as they got closer and closer.

“Are you ready, ma chérie?” Leliana asked, smirking slightly as they got closer and closer, a wicked gleam glinting in her eye as if some part of her would enjoy this.

“Oh, I was born ready,” Elsa chuckled nervously, her hand reaching down to a bag as she retrieved the dagger that her father had given her as a gift. She looked at the Cousland crest on the hilt, smiling as she found comfort in one of her most prized possessions. “If this turns out to be legitimate, I say we each down a pint of dwarven ale.”

“I do not think I could handle such a thing, Elsa. Not without making some considerable mistakes. I do not think Thomas should find out about us because we have been careless whilst blind drunk.”

“Normal ale then.”

“Hmm…”

“A bottle of Antivan red wine?”

“Yes, that sounds like a better idea,” Leliana giggled, smirking as her and Elsa pulled up to the carriage.

The screaming had silenced and now the woman who stood there was grinning at them, her eyes glinting as if she had just won the biggest prize of them all for her stealth and cunning. The figures from before were closing in, now distinguishable from the trees as they drew closer, with similar, arrogant expressions and weapons raised.

“How ‘bout you leave those pretty horses of yours with us?” The woman laughed, as Leliana and Elsa looked down at her. “Why not leave the rest of your stuff too? Right, friends?”

“Do as Beth says,” one of the men called, laughing as they started to circle them. “Might even leave with your life if you do it.”

“Oh I don’t know, we could just kill ‘em and then rob ‘em. No sense making it harder if they find someone to catch us, yeah?”

“Yeah… right, we’ll forget about that. Mike says we have to kill you and I think he’s right. Get ‘em!”

The fight started before Elsa could even think. Thankfully, none of them seemed keen to attack the horses, as Elsa jumped off of Moira before the horse reared and escaped the area, rolling as she hit the ground and priming herself to lunge as she crouched upon the ground. Leliana seemed to have grabbed her bow swiftly, an arrow already piercing through Beth’s neck with a dying, gurgling screech and the yells of the rest of the company.

A sword swung, far too close to Leliana, as Elsa took a small knife from her thigh, flinging it with precision at the man and smirking as it found its target, buried in his eye. The sound was disgusting, but it was soon pushed out of her mind as the true fighting began. The remaining four descended upon them, swords and daggers raised as Elsa lunged into the fray. It was easier than she thought, each dodge and move coming back to her as if her mind had never truly forgotten the drills she had run and all the exercises she had faced.

Metal clashed as she deflected another dagger, her confidence growing as she dodged swings with only the edges of her leathers getting caught. Her mind was consumed in the battle, until she found that that the two that had fallen upon her had fallen, their wounds far too serious to allow them to continue on and their breaths getting far more ragged as they struggled to breathe.

She spun around, her eyes widening as she saw the sight in front of her. Leliana was struggling with one of the two remaining men, yet the other was coming behind her, his sword raised and her without the ability to defend herself. Snarling in pure rage, Elsa ran at the man, her daggers raised as she caught him by surprise. He did not see her coming, far too preoccupied in his own attack that he did not see her until the daggers had buried deep into his back, ripping down his back as he let out an anguished scream.

Hissing, Elsa pushed the man with her foot, forcing him off of her blades as he lay bleeding and lifeless on the ground. She was panting, the exertion of the fight and the adrenaline that rushed through her veins allowing her little time for pause. Watching with interested, she saw that Leliana had managed to stab the man who she had been battling with a dagger, his attention being fully placed upon the bow that she was using to block his blows. It happened so quickly and Elsa could not help but be grateful that Leliana was on her side.

Gasping for breath, Leliana stepped back, searching quickly for Elsa before reaching for her and pulling her in for a tight embrace. “I was scared for a moment, I thought I would lose you. Thank you, you did so well.”

“Well, I am no stranger to daggers, Leli,” Elsa chuckled, ignoring the blood that coated them both as she held onto Leliana tightly. She buried her head in her lover’s neck, forcing herself to not think about the carnage that lay around them. “Are they all dead?”

“Yes, they are.”

“I… killed someone,” Elsa whispered into Leliana’s shoulder.

“You defended yourself and you defended me, Elsa. You did what you needed to do, it’s alright,” Leliana said, her voice soft as Elsa gripped onto her tighter.

Her eyes were swelling with tears then, forcing her to close them tightly in the hopes that they would go away. She tried to remind herself of those words. These people would have killed her or Leliana and they would not have felt this remorse. They would have looted them and Maker knows what else, having no respect for them or their possessions. They had survived where others might not have, they were alive because they had acted.

“I cried when I first killed someone, as well,” Leliana said, her fingers stroking Elsa’s hair softly. “They… had attacked me as well. I knew it was them or me and so I stabbed them before they could choke me. It was… difficult. Oh how I thought I was pathetic for snivelling. People do this all the time do they not? But feeling remorse… Elsa that is no bad thing. It proves you are good. You did not do this out of malice. You did this to save me and yourself, it will be alright.”

Nodding slowly, Elsa pulled away, wiping her cheeks with her hands. She noticed Leliana wince then, her eyes drawn to Elsa’s cheeks.

“What?”

“There is blood… you’ve wiped it all over your face,” Leliana said, wetting her thumb and wiping at Elsa’s cheek. “Voila, it is gone. There is no stream between here and the estate, will you be alright until then?”

“Fuck, it’s… shit, is that me? Leliana, is my side bleeding? I cannot bear to look!” Elsa shrieked, closing her eyes and noticing for the first time that her side was throbbing.

“ _Merde!_ ”

Elsa didn’t like the sound of that at all. Quickly, Leliana moved over to where their horses were gingerly approaching after fleeing during the struggle. She quickly dove into a pack, bringing out Elsa’s worst enemy, the rubbing alcohol, along with some cloths and bandages.

“This will sting… are you ready?” Leliana asked, her brow furrowing in concern as she placed her hand comfortingly on Elsa’s side.

“I think so…”

“Alright, I am just going to place the rubbing alcohol on you. You will be okay, I promise. It will just take a second, yes? Don’t _squirm_. There we…”

“ _FUCK!_ ”

**xxx**

“What the _fuck_ happened to her?” Thomas snapped at Leliana, as Elsa lay on her bed, the mage healer hovering her hands over her and keeping her head down to ignore the confrontation.

“We were attacked, my lord. She saved my life,” Leliana replied, her face calm, even as Thomas’ voice raised.

“You should have been the one saving _her_! She is the noblewoman here, not you! Her life is far more precious to me than yours, no matter how grateful I am for your help.”

“I’m not dead, Thomas. Stop shouting at her!” Elsa hissed, earning her a stern look from the healer. “We protected each other. These things happen when you fight bandits, you might get slashed in the side! Besides, look! Keelah has managed to completely heal up my side with her magic! I am fine and she has done a fantastic job, so can I please go to sleep because I still ache and I need some rest.”

Thomas pursed his lips before sagging slightly. He mumbled a quick apology to Leliana before the woman nodded and accepted it. Elsa felt herself drifting off as she felt whatever potion she had been given before the healing start to take effect. She could barely speak as Leliana moved to her side, stroking her hair from her face and smiling affectionately down at her. Thomas gave them both a look, or perhaps that was all in Elsa’s imagination as she smiled dreamily, her mind hazing as she finally found herself drifting to sleep.

As she slept, she found her dreams to be far more vivid than ever before. Blood oozed from her hands, covering everything she touched, even as she tried to desperately scrub it away. Her chest tightened with panic, her hands scrubbed raw in the vain attempt at clearing the mess away. She looked up into the looking glass before her, watching as Leliana and Thomas came to stand on either side of her. That look, the one that she had thought she had seen was present on Thomas’ face. It was concerning. His eyes spoke of sadness and resentment, his expressions towards both Leliana and Elsa seeming as if he knew something. But that wasn’t possible. They had been so careful. It was all in her head, it simply wasn’t possible.

Thomas then reached up, his hand encircling Elsa’s neck and squeezing. His hand locking her arms behind her back, rendering her incapable of moving away from the hold. Each breath was ragged as she struggled and scraped for air within her lungs. His eyes still held that same expression, his face twisted into a snarl until Elsa could barely recognise him as the man whom she had married.

Closing her eyes, Elsa gasped one more time as she struggled to breathe and found her body vaulting forwards, the world around her dark and the feeling upon her throat disappearing. She was awake. Oh thank the Maker, she was awake. Her body tensed, sensing a presence next to her in the bed. It was not soft like Leliana, no matter how warm and Elsa could not help but panic slightly. She looked to the side, frowning as she took in the sight next to her

Thomas was lying on his side, stirring slightly as if Elsa had managed to jostle him awake with her sudden movement. Sure enough, a strong arm wrapped around her waist and a pleased rumbled sounded from Thomas’ throat.

“How are you feeling, my love?” Thomas asked, the words causing Elsa to tense once more.

“Better… I think,” Elsa mumbled, lying back down and trying to relax her body.

It was weird, feeling Thomas cuddle up to her, his lips seeking out hers lazily in the darkness. She closed her eyes, hoping that the sensations would stop soon, praying that he would go decide to go back to sleep soon and stop before he pushed things further. Her stomach flipped, her heart beating rapidly as she felt the urge to push him away come hard and fast. But she was weak and ill was she not? She could do that without arising suspicion.

“Thomas, please, I’m still tender,” Elsa whispered, opening her eyes as he pulled away.

“I’m sorry, Elsa. I’ll stop, I just did not realise I would miss you so much when you went away. Then you came home injured… I had half a mind to send Leliana away right then. But I know that without her, you wouldn’t even have been alive to return to me. I should thank her tomorrow and apologise properly. I was angry, I didn’t think,” Thomas said, playing with Elsa’s hair.

“I think she would appreciate that,” Elsa said, nodding as Thomas’ fingers trailed down her neck.

“Did you have fun at least? I trust you two got on well for the entire time?”

“Absolutely.”

“That’s good. At least you were able to get out. I know how much you have felt as if you do not get to leave the estate much. Now, we should get some sleep, or else Keelah will have my head for making your injuries worse,” Thomas chuckled, turning over finally and giving Elsa some much needed space in the large bed. “Goodnight, I love you.”

“Love you too,” Elsa replied, looking at Thomas’ back and frowning slightly.

It should not be so easy to lie to him like that, but it had become so frequent a lie that it simply rolled off of her tongue now. Throughout everything that had happened today, she could not believe that she was back where she had been before, with her life as a living lie. She couldn’t relax properly, not with the sound of Thomas’ slow breathing as he began to drift back to sleep. Oh, how she wished Leliana was there in his stead, with her soft hands and warm lips. Her sweet scent of Andraste’s Graces that filled Elsa’s heart and soul with such joy that she simply did not even know where to begin.

This lie was killing her. It was sucking the life and soul out of her, forcing her to tense at every movement, every breath that sounded as if Thomas was still awake. Then there was the dream, with those eyes that suggested that he knew. Those eyes that she had sworn she had seen before the potion had taken its desired effect. It was not possible, at least, Elsa hoped it was not. For she could not bear to think what would happen otherwise. She did not want to know what Thomas or Howe would do if they found out that she and Leliana had spent most of the past couple of days, making love in a tavern.

It had been making love, hadn’t it? With the soft, sweetness of every touch and kiss, Elsa had come to that realisation. She was in love with Leliana. She was in love with her and she couldn’t continue this lie whilst she knew she could have something real. The lie had been going on for far too long and the truth needed to see the light of day. There was no way she could live with herself otherwise.

She would needed to escape this gilded cage and she would need to do so quickly. For her sake, as well as Leliana’s. After the hunt, things would become clear, when Howe’s departure would give her the freedom to make her exit. She couldn’t keep living like this, she would rather die than be stuck in this lie, pleasing everyone else other than herself. It needed to be done and now, she needed a plan.


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am continually sorry for how long it takes me to update this fic! Thank you all for all your lovely responses, they really inspire me to write for this and I am eternally grateful. Anyways, I hope you enjoy~

“Would you stop touching that? It will not go away by prodding it.”

Elsa looked up in surprise, meeting Freya’s gaze as the older woman glared at her. Sheepishly, Elsa moved her hand away from where she had been touching the thin scar upon her side. Keelah had said that it was likely that it would disappear in time due to the magic that had been used upon her. Indeed, it was already a faint line, as opposed to what would have happened had they not had a mage nearby. It was difficult to leave alone however, merely because of what it meant. Maker knows, she had enough small scars from incidents over the years, however this one actually meant something.

This scar, as temporary as it was, reminded her of what she must do. She could not continue to live in this place; not when there was a life she could be living outside, free from the confines of a life she did not wish to live in. Just as she has protected herself and Leliana, she would need to do whatever was necessary to ensure her own happiness. It might have been risky, given the effect on her family, but the Couslands were stronger than the Howes. They were more trusted than the Howes and she had been adored whenever she had stepped foot into Highever proper. There was little chance that the Couslands would suffer for their child’s desire to run away from the Howes.

At least, that is what she hoped.

“You are leagues away again! My lady, if you do not help pack for this hunting trip then I shall let you leave with the clothes upon your back and nothing more,” Freya complained, as she folded up a shirt and placed it into the pack. “Maker, why must this hunting trip last for days? I will never understand men and their entertainments.”

“It is not just men who hunt,” Elsa replied, finally standing up and moving to help Freya.

“No, of course not, but no one else is quite so pompous about it,” Freya chuckled, ruffling Elsa’s hair affectionately. “Let us hope so at least. Your head is already filled to the brim, it does not need more of your ego.”

“I do  _ not _ have a big ego!” Elsa laughed, jumping out of Freya’s reach. “My head is filled with ‘nonsensical things that no one else thinks about’. That is what Nan used to say to me, is it not? It’s certainly what she used to tell you.”

“We both loved you for it,” Freya said, her stern face softening more as she smiled at her charge. “You were such a mischievous girl and too smart for your own good. I miss the days when I would be chasing you down from trees and returning you to study with Aldous rather than hiding with your books.”

“I’m sorry, but I was already chapters ahead of where he wished for me to read. He is so  _ boring _ and I wanted to keep the excitement of my studies alive!” Elsa chuckled, grinning broadly as Freya rolled her eyes.

“Aye, too smart for your own good,” Freya said, shaking her head. “Now, my child, please promise me that you will come back in one piece. I have been asked to remain behind and only Nora, Evelyn and Leliana will be joining you as your personal entourage. That is simply not enough to protect you, you must be prepared for anything.”

“You sound as if this is just one massive trap,” Elsa said, arching an eyebrow as she placed more leathers into the pack.

At that, Titus lifted his head from where he had been lying in the corner, his ears perking up. The mabari barked, jumping to his feet and growling, as if ready to attack any who tried to come near his mistress. He stalked over to Elsa, sticking close to her side as he bumped her hand with his head, offering silent reassurance.

“It seems I will have Titus as well,” Elsa chuckled, scratching the dog behind the ears. “You’ve got my back, haven’t you boy?”

Titus barked in the affirmative, looking up at his mistress and wagging his tail. Elsa could not help but smile as she looked down at her dog and then over to where Freya was watching the two of them, concern etched across her face. The woman really was worried. Given Howe’s reactions to Elsa recently, it certainly wasn’t a stretch of the imagination. A hunting trip, particularly one on the edges of the Korcari Wilds, was a dangerous idea and one that not many would wish to undergo.

Yes, there were beasts in the wilds that would make a fine prize, but there were also clans of Dalish elves and tales of witches and Elsa had no desire to disturb either of those groups. It was also likely that people would expect such casualties in such a place and who could blame anyone if the youngest child of Eleanor and Bryce Cousland met her untimely end in the depths of the Wilds? It would be a simple accident. A well placed arrow made to look Dalish made, getting knocked off of her horse and trampled under hoof. Speared by a boar. Gouged by a werewolf. Everything was possible and no one would be to blame.

“You know what they will say if they are planning anything, don’t you? You are thinking too hard for you not to,” Freya said, placing a hand on Elsa’s shoulder.

“If I do not go, then it will be proof of my disobedience. If this is not a plan to assassinate me, then pulling out of this might certainly make the next time I sleep the next opportunity. With Howe here… I did not think that things had gotten so bad,” Elsa sighed, allowing Freya to wrap her arms around her. “What if they truly are trying to kill me?”

“There has been much talk about the estate,” Freya said, stroking her young charge’s hair. “They say that you have been unfaithful and that you will never provide an heir for Thomas. They tell tales of your cruelty, of your frozen heart and some even suggest that you have performed magic on yourself to ensure that an heir is never produced. Some even suggest that you consort with demons and work with them to undermine a house you hold resentment for.”

“How the fuck can I be performing magic and consorting with demons?!” Elsa laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. “I am no mage!”

“I know that, but some people have no sense in that cavity between their ears,” Freya said, leaning back and cupping Elsa’s face. “Have you been trying to conceive?”

“Thomas insists, but I don’t want to,” Elsa whispered, her eyes darting around the room as if someone might jump out of a hiding space and make themselves known. “Nothing has changed. No matter how many times he tries, nothing happens and I am glad for it, Freya.”

“My child… is this about your feelings from… before. Those have not gone? The ones you harbour for women?”

“Freya, they have never gone and nor do I think they need to. I am simply who I am and I regret nothing of it at all.”

Freya smiled at that, brushing a strand of hair behind Elsa’s ear and surveying her with affection and pride. The woman kissed the top of Elsa’s head before ruffling her hair once more.

“I know it has not made things easy,” Freya said, smiling even as Elsa scowled and patted her hair down once more. “You are as strong and willful as you were the day you left for this place. I am glad that this has not changed you and I am certain that your family would be too. Elsa… my child, you are stronger for this and I know that you will do what you must. You always have. Take heart, young pup, you will survive with that fire still burning, I am certain of it.”

“Here I was, thinking you merely thought of me as a nuisance,” Elsa laughed, even as her voice cracked at the weight of those words. She had truly had no idea that Freya had felt that way. They had known each other for far too long and yet, she had not once heard her voice filled with such pride.

“I promised your father that I would take care of you because I love you as dearly as if you were my own. We all did. Now, we should get ready lest you find yourself ill-prepared for tomorrow. The ride will be a long one and I notice that you still wince occasionally with your side.”

“I have been taking my tonic. It has not hurt in awhile now.”

Freya nodded, the worry still evident on her face even as they lulled back into silence, busying themselves with folding clothes and supplies and storing them in Elsa’s pack. It was difficult to concentrate, now that someone else had expressed the fears that had been lurking in the depths of her mind. If Freya worried for her safety… then perhaps things were not going to be as simple as she had hoped. Certainly, Leliana would not allow anything bad to happen to her and she wouldn’t let anything bad to Leliana. That was something that eased her mind.

Survival was everything, she knew this. She had survived this long and she refused to be felled in such an underhanded manner. Death would not take her at the ends of a smarmy, deceptive fiend like Rendon Howe, if that was what he intended. No. Whatever happened, whatever the reasons, she was going to fight for this. Steeling herself, Elsa took a deep breath, moving over to one of her drawers and extracting the daggers that were hidden within. Her prized dagger had been placed back in its place by Leliana once they had returned and many of her other weapons lay here, concealed away from prying eyes.

Freya watched as the young noble deposited some into the pack and others into the smaller one that she would be carrying. A small smile pulling at her lips.

“I had thought that your father had advised you to return all of your weapons to the armoury and to only keep the crested ones?”

“I elected to ignore that request,” Elsa chuckled, smirking at Freya as she finally closed the pack up.

“I never thought I would say that I am glad for your inability to listen to any instructions other than your own, but I am. I truly am.”

“I knew you’d see things my way one day,” Elsa chuckled. “Thank you, for everything.”

Elsa turned to hug Freya once more, holding tighter than she had thought possible. There was something about this that felt like a goodbye of sorts and even though she hoped it would not be, the fear was still there. Perhaps this would all be for nought. That they would go and Elsa would make a fool of herself with the bow, but nothing else would go wrong. They would return and she would tell Freya that they needn’t have worried at all. 

Yet the heavy weight in her chest persisted and the fear in Elsa’s mind seemed impossible to quiet. Tomorrow. Tomorrow they would set out and she’d finally know for certain. Either way, it felt like something had changed as she looked at Freya. Having this talk made her feel less alone and she had wondered why they hadn’t opened up like this before. Why had they not taken the time to talk to each other and remind the other of home?

Either way, Elsa was glad, as she leant back and smiled at Freya. Even if things went wrong, she had least felt like perhaps the whole world was not against her. That there were some people who would always have her back, no matter what.

**xxx**

Pulling tentatively at the leather of her gloves, Elsa adjusted the clothing for what felt like the a hundreth time. She was shaking, an action not brought on by the chill of the air, but rather the anticipation and anxiety that welled inside of her. Leliana was stood beside her, looking at home in her riding leathers and prepared for the day ahead. Her face was unreadable, a mask of calm that seemed to be hiding something and yet Elsa was not certain what they would be at all. Perhaps she too felt the oddness in the air. The sense of change or foreboding or whatever it was that seemed to make the hairs on Elsa’s neck stand on end.

Her blood felt as if ice flooded through her veins rather than its usual warmth and the wind cut into her far more deeply than before. Nothing seemed to put her at ease, not even when Leliana’s face softened slightly and she turned to face her. They were not alone and Elsa knew that Leliana would not touch her because of it, especially not in the way Elsa wanted her too. She would give anything to be held right now. For the archer to take her into her arms and tell her that everything would be okay. That they would be stronger together.

It seemed as if she would have to do without. Particularly as Thomas moved over to them, bringing Elsa’s cloak that she had left in the stables with him. He slowly placed the garment over her shoulders and Elsa pressed her face into the fur lining on the outside, hoping that it would provide some form of warmth on this day.

“Are you certain that you are well enough for this trip, my lady?” Leliana asked, placing a hand on her arm. “You are as cold as ice.”

“She has been fine for the past few days, Leliana. She is well enough to come, aren’t you my love?”

Thomas seemed to be piercing Leliana with his eyes, daring her to go against his judgement. It was strange. The man had never acted like this towards Leliana before and even she seemed surprised by the lace of aggression in his voice. It sounded almost as if they were bickering over her and Thomas was insistent that his opinion on her wellbeing mattered far more.

“I am certain that I will be fine under your careful watch, Leliana,” Elsa replied, smiling gently and ignoring Thomas. “Thank you for the concern but I believe we should at least show off  _ some _ of the work we have been doing together. Don’t you agree?”

“As you wish,” Leliana sighed, her blue eyes filling with worry as they darted behind her shoulder and towards Thomas. “Forgive me, I only wished to ensure your safety.”

“I’ll be fine, do not worry,” Elsa said, smiling warmly and placing a comforting hand on Leliana’s arm. She squeezed slightly, willing to reassure the woman that everything would be even, no matter how little Elsa believed it herself. 

“We should get going,” Arl Howe said, his voice interrupting the moment shared between the two women. “I trust you will not slow us down, Elsa.”

“I’m stronger than I look, Arl Howe,” Elsa said, forcing a smile as she turned to her father-in-law. “No one need concern themselves, I am perfectly capable of surviving this trip.”

A flash of amusement crossed Howe’s face and Elsa could not help but feel a twinge of anxiety at the look. Glancing quickly at Leliana, she noticed that she seemed to have seen it too, as her back stood rigid, her smile seeming to anyone but her as if it were genuine. As if ignoring anything that told her it was a bad idea, Leliana moved her hand up to Elsa’s arm, squeezing gently as she had just done to her. It was the only offer of comfort that they could give each other in the open like this, but it would have to do.

A horn sounded as the leader of the hunt lead his steed to the head of the group, ready to lead them onwards. 

“If you will excuse us, my lord, I need to give Elsa some last minute instruction before we leave. We will be right within the stables,” Leliana said, tightening her grip on Elsa’s arm and pulling her behind her.

Elsa looked behind her, noting how Thomas and Howe watched as they left, their expressions a mixture of surprise and annoyance that Leliana had simply pulled her away. She had been polite of course, but who knew whether things would offend nobles and their delicate sensibilities. Especially when they clearly felt they held all of the power in the world. Still, she pushed the thought out of her mind as Leliana finally pulled her into the safety of the stables and turned around to face her. Her blue eyes were swimming with worry, her lip twisting slightly as she thought of what to say.

“Freya believes that something is going to happen to you. You know this, yes?” Leliana asked, smiling finally as if they were merely discussing the weather.

“Yes, she does,” Elsa said, returning the smile. “Why are we smiling like this?”

“So as not to attract too much attention to ourselves. If we are merely two friends having a friendly conversation, then no one will suspect a thing.”

“What are they suspecting?”

“I have heard talk, Elsa. Talk whilst you were in your bed and recovering that there is some suspicion that you have not been faithful to Thomas. You have noticed the way the Arl and Thomas have been looking at us?”

“Oh, so that wasn’t just my imagination?”

“Bringing you in here alone was a risk, but we are in full view and no one could suspect us of anything other than talking. But this means we have to be on our guard. What happened in Lothering… you know we cannot do something like that again. We cannot be together again until the suspicion has avoided us. I will not be your downfall… I do not want that,” Leliana said, trying to maintain the smiling façade, even as her eyes began to swim with tears.

“So what? We just pretend like it never happened?” Elsa asked, trying desperately to not let the pain that shot through her chest show in any way.

“Elsa…”

“I don’t think I can do that, Leliana.”

“It will not be forever, merely until we can get you out of here,” Leliana said, her voice lowering to a whisper.

“...What do you know?” Elsa asked, grabbing Leliana’s forearm sharply. “You know something, what is it?”

“Elsa, I do not think that I can…”

“There you two are! We will be late, get on your horses, now!” shouted one of the hunters, looking as though he were about to explode from the stresses of timekeeping.

It seemed that even the most loyal of servants to the Howes was inclined to forget rank whenever they spoke to her. Or perhaps it was merely the stresses of getting everyone prepared for a dangerous hunt.

Elsa looked at Leliana who seemed to have composed herself, the tears that had once been brimming in her eyes had completely disappeared. Nothing seemed wrong or out of the ordinary, they had merely been talking about archery or riding, as far as anyone else would be concerned. Elsa sighed, frustrated that she now had far more questions than she had answers and far more anxiety than she had thought possible. This could all mean nothing after all. Rumours would be rumours and Thomas had been affectionate in the past few days. He had doted on her, he had been gentle and respectful in ways that he had been when they had first gotten married. He had been acting as if Elsa were his world again and surely that would make her safe.

Unless he didn’t know.

“If anything happens…” Leliana whispered, as they walked over to their horses. “Trust me. Please, no matter what happens, just trust me.”

Elsa nodded, uncertain what else she could possibly do in the situation. Leliana was the only person she truly could trust and the woman knew it. As she mounted Moira, she took a look back, glancing to where Freya was stood outside the estate, watching Elsa with hawk like intensity. The young noble smiled and waved, hoping that her cheerfulness would ease the worry in the older woman’s heart. Freya waved back, returning the smile for a moment before returning back to her fretting. It had been worth a shot after all.

Finally, with a blow of the horn, it was time to set out. Elsa followed in the procession, looking to her right, where Thomas rode, smiling at his father and talking away as if he truly had no cares in the world. A sense of relief shot through her then, knowing that he would not be so chipper had he been planning her murder all of this time. However, looking to her left, Leliana’s face told a different story. It was masked and calm and yet her eyes darted around, watching everything and everyone, as if she were eyeing up everyone’s strengths and weaknesses and weapons. It was sensible and yet she did it as if she were a professional. As if checking for such things was as natural and easy for her as breathing.

She had told Elsa to trust her and Maker knows, Elsa trusted her safety with her. But things were not right and something was off. The wind still felt like change and the hairs on the back of her neck still stood on end. Whatever happened, something was going to change, she could feel it, as they began their journey south to the Wilds. 


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has taken SO LONG and I am so sorry for that! Haha, each time I say I'm going to try and get better and each time, it gets a little worse. So I hope this chapter is worth the wait for you guys! I certainly think it could very well be ;)

It had been two days since they had left the estate and ventured south towards the Wilds. Two days of having to constantly remain under the watchful gaze of both Thomas and Arl Howe, with little time for privacy. It did not help that Leliana had been unusually quiet with her as well, her eyes seeming ever watchful, almost as if the woman expected an attack to be launched against Elsa at any given moment. Yet there had not been a single hint of anything remotely dangerous yet, not even as they had entered the Wilds during the afternoon.

The trees seemed more ominous here, reaching down with hands that threatened to snatch at their cloaks. Elsa had once read about trees that had been possessed by spirits and a shiver ran down her spine as she imagined those branches coming to life, intent on causing them harm as they passed through. Shadows seemed to linger where they should not and there had been far too many times when Elsa had sworn that she had seen movement or the glint of yellow eyes in the distance.

Thomas had laughed it off, saying that she was merely being paranoid and that he would protect her from any harm. He had simply kissed her cheek and continued on, not even stopping to listen to her concerns. It was infuriating and even now, as she sat by a fire, trying to keep warm in amongst the hustle and bustle of people setting up tents, she still felt that sense of unease, as if eyes were trained upon her at every given moment.

“You feel it too, no?” Leliana said, coming to sit beside Elsa as closely as she could. The young noble wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around the redhead, finding that she desired nothing more than the warmth of Leliana’s body against hers. “The eyes in the shadows? The restlessness of the air?”

“I feel as if something is just biding its time and I don’t think it’s anyone who came with us,” Elsa said, shivering again and huddling up to Leliana. “This place is far too creepy for my liking. I know the predators are keeping away from the large camp, they are not fools, but… there are tales of things far more powerful than wolves in these wilds.”

“You have heard the tales too?”

“Of the witches of the wilds? Yes, I used to read them to Oren before I left. He would always beg me so and Oriana would get annoyed whenever he complained of nightmares at night. Really, what did he expect?” Elsa chuckled, bringing her knees up to her chin.

“Little children often ask for more than they can handle,” Leliana said, a small smile gracing her lips.

“Were you such a child?”

“I once ate too many little cakes because they all looked so lovely and I could not simply try only a few,” Leliana giggled, looking more at ease than she had done since they had returned from Lothering.

“Oh? That must have been quite the challenge! How old were you then?”

“I think it was last summer, actually,” Leliana said, her eyes glinting mischievously.

Elsa snorted, nudging Leliana with her shoulder as the women laughed together. For a moment, Elsa could not help but watch Leliana laugh in the moonlight, the light of the fire adding further glow to her smile that seemed to lighten the heavy feeling in Elsa’s chest. Oh what she would not give to cup her cheek and bring those lips to hers once more. It had felt like a lifetime since they had been together, kissing and embracing with nothing to fear in the world save for the inevitable end to their peace.

Maker, how she wished that the groups of people would just disappear, leaving only them to exist in this forest and to avoid all the unnecessary glances that the two women were receiving. It certainly felt as if people were watching their actions closely, as if they all were somehow waiting for something to happen. If it would not endanger her and Leliana, Elsa would have just given them what they wanted. They seemed intent on waiting for her demise anyway, so it would be so simple just to kiss Leliana and be done with it. Yet there were too many of them and Elsa knew the reaction Thomas would have.

No matter what was going to happen, Elsa was going to break the man’s heart. It was a necessary consequence and one that she could not find it in herself to be too sympathetic for. After all, had she not lived through isolation and depression? Where was her sympathy from this man who insisted that she be with him and only him? The man who insisted that she go with him and his father and an entourage of men with bows, when he knew she would rather be left well enough alone. Whose father seemed to be watching her the most intently out of them all.

“Would you like something to eat, my lady?” Nora asked, breaking Elsa away from her thoughts and dragging her attention away from Leliana.

“Yes please, Nora,” Elsa said, forcing a smile upon her face. “What consistency of brown is the stew this time?”

“I believe it was grey yesterday, Elsa,” Leliana said, smiling up at Nora. “But that does not smell like stew.”

“You’re right, it’s rabbit cooked on the spit. The one you shot earlier today to be specific. Thomas wanted you to have it,” Nora said, smiling warmly at them. “He also insisted that he give Leliana one too, as a thank you for making a hunter out of you.”

Elsa nodded, smiling and taking the plate gratefully. There was a sense of pride that came with having caught the animal that had been cooked. It was not the biggest of creatures and there seemed to be extra meat around it, but it was still something she had done for herself. The only thing to do next would be to learn how to cook for herself. Maybe then she could stand a chance of surviving if she were to flee.

“Perhaps we should try your hand at some larger prey next time?” Leliana asked, arching an eyebrow and smirking slightly.

“Oh stop it! I tried my best!”

“I know, my lady, I know.”

Silence fell over them then and Nora returned to where the cook was serving food in order to make sure that her and Evelyn were given their share. The comfort that Elsa felt next to Leliana was strange, considering the anxiety that she felt at all other times. Leliana had asked for Elsa to trust her and it seemed as if Elsa had decided to do so, whether consciously or not.

“I wish we could cuddle up in a tent right now,” Elsa whispered under her breath, making certain that no one would hear them.

“I would wish for nothing more.”

“Not even me with my head between your legs?” Elsa chuckled softly, trying to school her features so as not to arouse suspicion.

“Elsa, this is hardly the time or place…”

“I know, I guess I’m just enjoying taking the risk…”

Leliana looked at her, shaking her head despite the light pink that tinged her cheeks. Suddenly, there was a loud rustle from nearby, almost hidden from the rest of the noise around them. Elsa looked around, noticing the way the bush rustled slightly, as if something or someone had brushed past it. Another crash sounded then, as one of the archers seemed to have dropped his plate, startled by something in the distance.

“Something’s not right…” Elsa whispered, her eyes darting around and looking for anything else suspicious. “The forest… it’s too quiet.”

Her eyes settled on the other side of the camp, watching where Arl Howe and Thomas were talking with some of the more seasoned hunters. Their laughter carried over to them and the camp’s atmosphere had not diminished and yet there was something else. Something that settled uncomfortably within Elsa’s chest, her skin crawling with the sensation of being watched.

It felt as if that should be natural. They were a large group of people in the middle of an area that was not so welcoming of guests of their like. Curious eyes were bound to find them, whether they belonged to animals or the Dalish or even, Maker forbid, witches. They were large enough to either be warranted a real threat, something either extremely tempting or something to avoid at all costs. Yes, it was natural that they should all be watched and yet it felt as if the eyes were specifically trained on her.

Perhaps she was simply paranoid; afraid that Howe truly had it in for her and that this trip was meant to be her last. Or maybe there was something in the Wilds that had taken an interest in her. Why something would be interested in her, she did not know. She was hardly extremely interesting and had done nothing but barely succeed at catching a small and fuzzy rabbit, that she suddenly did not feel like eating.

“I have not seen anything out of the ordinary, Elsa,” Leliana murmured, finishing her first mouthful of her rabbit. “I have kept an eye out.”

“The rustle?”

“It could merely have been an animal. There are certainly plenty of those here. Still, we will be careful,”  Leliana replied, smiling sadly at Elsa. “I do wonder why your father-in-law chose the Kocari Wilds. There are too many stories of this place. Too many frightful tales of what could befall us.”

Another rustle sounded behind them and this time even Leliana jumped. Her hand went cautiously to her bow that lay by her feet, her blue eyes scanning the camp. It was not the reaction Elsa needed to calm her nerves, that was for certain. But they had not been the only ones this time. Countless members of their party were looking around, looking terribly on edge for a group who had been laughing and joking over their food not mere moments before.

That sensation of being watched seemed to get stronger, as if the single pair of eyes had multiplied in the space of seconds. Elsa looked around the dense wilds, eyes searching for something, anything that would give away whoever, or whatever, was watching them. Her hairs stood on end as she desperately tried to peer through the branches that swayed dangerously in the wind.

Except… there was little wind to speak of. It had been a mere breeze before and these branches were moving as if some great force was acting on them. Only, branches moved by the wind did not look so fluid, did they? They did not move as if they were the limbs of creatures, except these did.

“ _Merde,_ ” Leliana whispered, her eyes finding the same phenomenon that Elsa had.

“SYLVANS! MAKER! THE WILDS ARE ALIVE!!” Someone shouted, pointing with a shaking finger to where the trees seemed not only to be moving, but _advancing._

One moment, the camp had been at peace and the next, it had descending into utter chaos. Elsa grabbed her daggers, her heart jumping into her throat as she saw gnarled hands reach through the din of the woods, a low moan and whisper of spirits sending shivers up her spine. Everyone else seemed to be moving, either grabbing whatever weapons they could find or hastily packing up everything they could before it would be too late. There was too much sound and Elsa was certain that whatever spirits still slumbered in the trees would jump to life from all of this noise.

Hastily, she grabbed her pack, knowing fully well that if anything went wrong, she would need the spare supplies she had stuffed in here that evening.

“Elsa! Leliana! Are you safe? Quick, come over here, we have to ride out quickly!”

Elsa watched as Thomas ran towards them, fear in his eyes and his hand stretched out for Elsa to grab a hold of. It was then, that a branch came down forcefully in the middle of camp, a groan of wood and the strange sounds of voices came crashing into the camp and turned the area into a battlefield. Elsa jumped out of the way quickly as a large hand swiped in their direction, growling as she drove her dagger into one of the long fingers. A shriek shattered the air, sending a chill straight through Elsa’s body. She could not think, merely act, as she dodged another swing, this time from a different sylvan.

Something grasped around her wrist and she spun wildly, her teeth bared and ready to lash out. Her body was on edge, as it had been during the fight with the bandits, each muscle moving as fluidly as it had done in her training before she had become some noble wife. She was ready to pounce, insistent on remaining alive. There was no way she’d be taken down now, not in the middle of the Wilds, cold and alone. She refused.

“Elsa, it’s me!” Leliana’s voice broke through, dragging her back from the tightness of her chest and the immense urge to strike out. “We have to run. There are too many of them! We have to go!”

“This way, my lady!” A man shouted, whom Elsa recognised to be one the hunters that Howe had been speaking to before. “I know these wilds! The Arl wishes me to save you!”

Looking around, she could not see any sign of Thomas or Arl Howe, presumably having fled quickly whilst their section of the camp had been overrun with the possessed creatures that were currently trying to kill them. Elsa’s blood ran cold and she shared a look with Leliana. Still, she nodded, taking the gamble that could truly be the end of her. If he knew the Wilds like he said, they stood a sliver of a chance, if he was sent to kill her, she’d have more of a chance away from the sylvans and screams and the crunching of bone that littered the air as the spirits crushed their victims.

Grabbing as much as she could, Elsa ran after the man, making sure that Leliana was on her trail. The redhead had her bow out, arrow knocked and waiting, although whether it was for the hunter or a sylvan, Elsa did not know. They ran, dodging limbs and the crackle of magic in the air. The world felt as if it were shifting, as if for the first time, Elsa could feel the Veil that she had heard mages discussing once when they had visited from Kinloch Hold. She could feel the way it made the air crackle with a foreboding that seemed to press down upon her like a weight. It seemed as if it were incredibly thin here, almost as if it were bleeding into their little camp and spewing the demons that infested the oaks and willows that surrounded them.

“Hurry, my lady! We can find shelter over here!” The hunter called over his shoulder, as he practically leapt and danced over the roots that were snagging at Elsa’s ankles.

He looked skilled and seasoned, a combination that would surely be the end of her if she had been wrong about trusting him. Chancing a glance back, she saw Leliana, her cheeks red from the exertion of running and her feet occasionally stumbling upon the foliage.

It seemed at least that the carnage at the camp was of greater interest to the sylvans than three escapees, as the branches lunging for them seemed to get fewer and the sounds of the forest seemed to return to normal the further they moved away. She had even seen what appeared to be a crow, swooping through the air in a path that almost looked as if it were following their progress. The crackling in the air was fading, the shift that set Elsa’s hair on end was moving until the world felt as if it were in place once more. Stronger, solid and entirely less dangerous. Although, with a man she barely knew and the wilds still filled with untold dangers, she knew that complacency was not an option right now.

Wheezing, Elsa stumbled, falling to the ground with a thud as she tripped over a log that she had not seen. She could hear Leliana stop beside her as she tried to lift herself up, her arms feeling weak from all the exertion.

“Well, looks like this will be easier than expected,” a chilling and amused voice spoke.

The hunter had stopped at the sound of the commotion, his lips curled into a twisted smile that made Elsa’s stomach drop. The gamble had failed it seemed and Freya and Leliana had, had every reason to be worried. The man wore Howe’s crest, he had been at his side for most of the time they had been travelling and his knife was out, glinting in the moonlight as he advanced.

“I had been warned that the little Cousland spitfire had at least _some_ skill. It appears as if that was wrong. And you? An archery teacher, who seemed more invested in teaching my lord’s daughter-in-law, _other_ things. Oh, he will be pleased to know I get to kill you both,” the hunter laughed, as Elsa tried to scrambled to her feet, but collapsed.

“Who sent you? Thomas? The Arl?!” Elsa hissed, her hand grabbing at her ankle and hissing at the pain that shot through it.

“Ha! Thomas?! He could not even see what was right in front of him. The whole time, he thought you just needed space. That you were sad and lonely. Oh but I had to listen to that brat talk about you like you were some innocent wallflower who was struggling with being away from her family. Sad, he’ll still think of you like that when you’re dead. Crushed by sylvans… body unable to be recovered, I would say that coming to the Wilds was a genius plan on the Arl’s part. So many things to go wrong, so easy to stage an accident.”

Elsa rolled her eyes, wincing as she tried once more to get to her feet. She would not die here, at the hands of a man who seemed far too insistent on telling them every little detail of the plan. Funny, she had thought such arrogance only existed amongst pathetic villains, rather than men who could die like any other. But in his eyes, he had this. He saw two women, one hurt and the other with her bow string pulled, but only a limited number of arrows to shoot with. To anyone too arrogant in their skill, it would seem like an easy kill. But he did not know her and he certainly did not know Leliana.

She smirked, as Leliana stepped forward, stopping the man in his tracks. “Not another step. I will shoot this arrow directly into your eye and we shall see who will be the one to die here. You should run off back to your master, non?”

“Like I’m going to let some Orlesian wench tell me what to do! Why did you take this job anyway? Just to seduce bored noble ladies with no sense in their fucking heads?”

“Wait…” Elsa said, as she finally got to her feet. “ _What?!_ ”

“The Arl knows about you two, is that not obvious?! Why do you think he wanted you dead, other than the fact you are holding his boy back? Apparently you have not been subtle.”

“You do realise that when we get out of this, we shall have all the information you’ve given us?” Leliana laughed, her voice harder than Elsa had ever heard it. “This is truly pathetic.”

“You will miss, little girl, I promise you that. I woul- FUCK!!!”

The man howled as a bird swooped down from the trees, gouging the hunter’s eyes with it’s talons at is seemed to attack the man with vigor. It had come from nowhere and Elsa whimpered slightly as she watched the man try to bat the crow away. The bird seemed to be both faster and smarter than he was, as it flew away and came back whenever the man was close to landing a hit on its body. It set Elsa on edge, as if waiting for the time that the crow would turn on them.

That time never came though, not even when Leliana raised her bow, letting one of her arrows fly in the midst of the man’s cursing and lashing. It landed in his chest, powerful enough to knock him backwards, forcing him to stagger. Despite the pain in her ankle, Elsa did not wait for a single moment more before she lunged, her daggers raised as the crow flew away for the final blows. It was easy enough, to stab the man in the stomach, forcing him to still his movements before Elsa thrust her other dagger up and into his heart.

She watched, as those arrogant eyes, running red with blood and unfocused from the crow’s attack seemed to lose whatever life was left within them. The blood, hot and sticky oozed out onto the leathers she was thankful that she had not taken off, in order to protect from the cold. Yanking her daggers out, she let the man fall to the floor, a bloody mess of wounds from the crow, the two dagger wounds and an arrow that still sticking out of him.

Elsa wobbled, only to find herself stumbling slightly into Leliana’s strong arms. Her chest was heaving as she looked down at the man, no longer feeling the revulsion or fear that she had after her first kills. Now, she was simply angry. Her mind burning in a fury that relished in bringing this arrogant man down and revealing the plans that had been weighing so heavily on her mind since they had been here. She was in danger. Both of them were in danger and all because of how she had conducted herself. None of this would have happened if her parents had not insisted that she find a match, if Thomas had not pursued her to the point where even their parents had thought the match would benefit both families. Bringing two houses, mired in trust and friendship together? A lovely sentiment, if only the Howes had not just revealed themselves to be backstabbing murderers. At least Thomas had, had nothing to do with this. At least that boy, with his love and his fancies was still in some ways guilty of nothing more than simply pushing too hard and loving a woman who could never love him back.

“Elsa… are you alright?” Leliana asked, brushing matted strands of black hair from Elsa’s face and kissing her forehead softly.

“What are we going to do now?” Elsa whispered, clinging on tightly to Leliana.

“I have a few suggestions, if you would indulge me,” a voice said, startling both woman.

Elsa turned, hissing slightly as she felt her ankle complain once more. Her eyes widened, taking in the sight before her. Where the crow had once been, there was now a woman, not much older than she was. Her raven hair was pulled back into a bun, her clothes looked tattered as if she had made them entirely herself and her hand was wrapped around a twisted branch. The woman was smirking at them, her yellow, feline eyes dancing with both curiosity and amusement.

“Do not tell me that such women are frightened like this little boy! I have been watching you and I did think that perhaps you would be far more sensible. Running off after this man… ‘twas not the best of plans, was it?” The woman laughed, her lips quirking more and more.

“I… took a gamble. The man is dead and now we have some information, I would say that it paid off,” Elsa said, rolling her eyes at this strange woman whose first point of call had been to insult them.

“‘Tis true enough. Come, my Mother wishes to speak with you.”

“We’re not going anywhere with you. Why should we trust a witch of the wilds?” Leliana asked, eyes narrowed.

Of course that’s what she was. Elsa’s eyes went to the branch in the woman’s hand and realised that it was less of a branch and more of a mage’s staff. The smile on the woman’s face seemed to confirm Leliana’s comment, as she watched them both very curiously.

“Because the Wilds are my home and thus I know them far better than you. My Mother and I are perhaps your only chance at escaping this place with your lives in tact, so ‘tis only sensible that you do as I say,” the witch said, her voice mocking as she began to lose her patience.

“Fine. Take us to you mother,” Elsa said, even as Leliana shot her a surprised and exceedingly concerned look. “First, I would like to know your name.”

The woman nodded, choosing to ignore Leliana in favour for focusing the whole of her attentions onto Elsa. The witch smirked, those feline eyes staring as if in challenge into Elsa’s, seeing if she could rise up to it. She seemed pleased when Elsa did not bat an eyelid. There was no way that Elsa could allow herself to feel fear now. Her cage was cracking, her life hanging on the good graces of others for far too long and she would not allow what had happened to her to stand. She could not hide from this and neither did she want to, so she steeled herself, rising to the witch’s challenge and resolving to do what she could to get back to her home, her true home, and warn her family of exactly what Howe was capable of.

“A sensible question, I believe I am beginning to like you. You may call me, Morrigan.”


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been an incredibly long time since I've updated this fic. Sadly, life has been super horrible as of late and I'm only really getting back into the true swing of writing again ^_^ Anyways, I am really pleased with how this turned out, so hopefully all of the following chapters are worth the long break! With that explanation over, let's continue with the story, shall we?

“‘Oh yes, Morrigan, take us to your mother! Nothing about this could go wrong at all!’” Leliana said, mimicking Elsa’s voice badly in her frustration. “Elsa, are you trying to get us both killed?!”

“Hey! I do not sound like that!” Elsa turned to look at Leliana, tightening her grip around her as the archer helped her stumble through the forest. “Besides, if we  _ don’t _ follow her, we’re dead for certain. I can’t walk without your help and we have no clue where we are! The best we’d be able to do was perhaps find a nice and comfortable place in which to die.”

“Oh do not be so morbid!”

“She is right though, even  _ you _ should be able to see that,” Morrigan interjected, walking a few paces ahead of them. “Now, are you going to ensure the whole wilds swoops down upon us with your inane talking? I tire of it.”

Leliana huffed, glowering at the back of Morrigan’s head before falling silent. It was obvious that the woman was anxious about all of this and indeed, Elsa wasn’t entirely thrilled about walking through the Wilds with an unknown mage as her guide. Still, there were few options that didn’t result in a horrible death at the hands of the Kocari Wilds and even if her last gamble did not pay off so well, they were still alive, even if her ankle was screaming at her in immense pain. 

Wordlessly, Elsa turned her head, pressing a kiss to Leliana’s shoulder as they walked. It was a small gesture, yet when Leliana looked at her, a gentle smile seemed to touch the archer’s lips, her eyes shining in the darkness of the wilds.

“At least we can be ourselves now,” Elsa whispered, nudging Leliana’s shoulder with her nose. “I’ve missed this.”

“You’re making helping you walk a little harder, ma chérie,” Leliana chuckled, her grip on Elsa’s middle tightening.

“Now all we’re missing is Titus… oh my poor boy, I haven’t seen him since he was begging the hunters for food,” Elsa sighed, worrying her lip between her teeth. “This is all my fault! How could I have been so stupid as to forget about him? Even in all that chaos...”

“Titus wouldn’t stray from your side for long,” Leliana said, squeezing Elsa gently. “He’s safe, I’m sure of it.”

“And if Howe decided to kill him?”

“I think he’d have his arm bitten off if he even tried.”

“I can still hear you,” Morrigan snapped from ahead, turning around to survey the two women who were falling a bit behind. “If you want to make it to my Mother’s by dawn, you had best hurry.”

“And just what are you and your mother doing living in the woods anyways?” Elsa asked, smirking back at the mage.

“We are apostates as I am certain you’re aware. People can also be far too obnoxious and I prefer the company of the wilds.”

“You’ve never actually ventured outside?”

“Yes I have…”

“Did you like it?”

“Enough, I’m tired of talking, this will only slow us down,” Morrigan snapped again, turning away and stalking onwards.

Elsa chuckled, finding that at least in the midst of all of this mess that she could find some amusement, even if it was in exasperating their guide. Nothing about the situation made sense though. Why did Morrigan’s mother wish to speak to them? There was no cause for her to even know who they were, unless Morrigan had been spying on them for quite some time, but even so, to what end were they needed? Was this even a good idea, when the whole plan could be to capture them and use them for some disturbing blood magic ritual?

Looking at Morrigan and her unusual state of dress, it would be easy to fear for such things. Yet there was something about her that told Elsa not to worry, which might have been a warning sign in and of itself, Maker knows she had been a piss poor judge of character recently. Still, they needed to get out of this alive and if Elsa couldn’t talk her way out, then they would need to fight their way out, no matter the cost.

“Don’t you know any healing magic?” Leliana asked suddenly, grimacing slightly as she continued to help Elsa walk.

“No, I am no healer. Perhaps you should see if your noble friend can actually walk? She seems to be having less difficulty.”

Elsa grumbled, removing herself from Leliana’s grip and hobbling away slightly. She tested her foot, glad to find that some of the lingering pain had gone. Perhaps it had only been twisted, even if it was still a little painful, she could walk on her own, if only to placate Leliana’s exhaustion and Morrigan’s apparent annoyance with their speed. Grinning at the both of them, she walked a few steps and nodded, putting her thumbs up to say she was all good.

For the first time, the other two women seemed to agree, as both of them rolled their eyes and pressed on, waiting for Elsa to catch up as she tried to walk as quickly as she could without making her ankle worse. At least Leliana and Morrigan could bond over the shared exasperation of her cheesiness. That might make the occasional bickering a little more bearable.

Finally, just as the rising sun was casting an ethereal purplish glow through the trees, the three women crested over a hill to find their destination before them. It was rather unassuming, just a simple hut in the middle of the forest, hidden in a bog that would have perhaps made others turn away from it in disinterest. Its simpleness in itself would have attracted Elsa’s own curiosity, yet she wondered how no one else had found this place at all. Unless there were enchantments and magic in place, simply allowing them to pass with their guide. Peering into the trees, Elsa caught a glimpse of tattered clothes until she saw half of a skeleton curled in a gnarled branch. Gulping, she forced herself to look ahead, her mind returning back to the way the forest had come alive mere hours before and twisting the pit of her stomach.

“What took you so long, girl?”

The voice came out of nowhere as Elsa spun around, almost falling over at the sound of her voice if not for Leliana’s hand steadying her. Her eyes widened as she came face to face with a wizened old woman, whose eyes pierced into her as keenly as Morrigan’s had. There was a glint in those eyes that didn’t match with the body, a power and a strength that set Elsa on edge. It felt akin to the way the Veil had felt, bristling with magic and something that did not quite sit right in this world. It seemed her discomfort did not go unnoticed, as the woman, presumably Morrigan’s mother, smiled wryly. 

“This one was injured and we had to slow down for her,” Morrigan sighed, moving to stand next to her mother.

“Have some respect, dear girl, this is a Cousland you’re speaking to,” Morrigan’s mother said, cackling in a way that really didn’t succeed in putting Elsa anymore at ease.

“Oh I can barely contain my excitement,” Morrigan snarked, turning to smirk at Elsa.

“What is this about?” Elsa asked, narrowing her eyes. “You know who I am, so what purpose do you have of me? I assume you want something.”

“How very clever of you. Tell me, what do you know of the Wilds?” Morrigan’s mother asked, directing them over to the hut.

“I only know that it was a really stupid idea to organise a hunt here. Why would you dare trespass on a place where there are too many dangers to even consider enjoying a hunt?” Elsa sighed, crossing her arms tightly.

“Yes, a curious thing isn’t it? Why do you think a hunt was organised here, clever child?”

“I think that is pretty obvious. Arl Rendon ‘I’m a massive backstabber’ Howe wanted to get rid of me. No one would be surprised if an accident happened, he tried to have me killed and now I really just wish I had run away to Antiva or Orlais like I’d dreamed of years ago. So, now that we’ve gotten the obvious out of the way, who are you? I presume that there is a reason you saved me, why you sent Morrigan to make sure that I got out of there alive…”

“My, you are impatient.”

“We’ve had a long day,” Leliana added, stepping up beside Elsa and placing a protective hand on the small of her back.

“Ah yes, and then there’s you. How fortunate she is to have someone so trustworthy on her side,” Morrigan’s mother laughed.

Leliana’s jaw tightened as she looked at the old woman, her eyes conveying a mixture of anger, surprise and fear. It was suspicious and as Elsa and Morrigan shared a look, it seemed as if she wasn’t the only one who had seen it. Morrigan merely shrugged however, walking away from the conversation and into the hut, as if her job was done for the day and she could rest away from the charges she had been ladened with.

Clearing her throat, Elsa drew the old woman’s attention back to her, sparing Leliana from the amusement that danced in her yellow eyes. “So, what do we call you? It seems you know of us.”

“Ah yes, introductions. You may call me Flemeth.”

Leliana’s hand gripped Elsa’s wrist, her grip so tight that Elsa hissed at the nails that dug into her. 

“ _ The _ Flemeth? But that… that is just a legend. You cannot be  _ the  _ Flemeth.” Leliana refused to let go of Elsa as she took a step back, the fear evident in her voice. “We would be dead otherwise.”

“Would you now? And tell me, young Cousland, why do you not flinch as your friend does?”

In truth, the thought had already crossed her mind. They were in the Wilds, life was spinning out of control, why wouldn’t the great Flemeth of legend be the very witch that Morrigan was taking them to see? It didn’t surprise her and given the fact they had been allowed this far, she was not even truly terrified by her. Things worked as they always did, even in the Wilds. It was obvious that Flemeth needed them for something and for that, well, Elsa had an inkling that perhaps they were safer here then they would be anywhere else at the moment.

“Why did you save us, Flemeth? Surely we are inconsequential to you?”

“Are you now? No, there are certain paths that must be followed, certain things that must come to pass. Sometimes fate needs a gentle push in the right direction, or perhaps this was fate in itself. I can never decide.”

“It… what?” Elsa asked, trying to decipher through every cryptic word what exactly Flemeth had intended for them. “So, what? We’re meant to be alive, so you helped us stay alive? How would you even  _ know _ about that?”

“Do I know? Perhaps I am merely an old woman who tells the foolish whatever they will believe?”

“No, you seem to be an old woman who enjoys toying with people,” Leliana retorted, narrowing her eyes.

“Well, we all have to do something to keep us entertained, do we not?” Flemeth laughed, her eyes still as piercing as she watched for their reactions. “Come, Morrigan will prepare food for you. You will need your strength for what is to come and I have no desire of saving you to see you die from exhaustion. You can leave tomorrow morning and my Morrigan will be your guide. I dare say you will not want to stray far until then, the Wilds can be a dangerous place.”

Without so much as a goodbye, Flemeth turned to walk back towards her hut. She seemed to exchange a harsh word with Morrigan as the younger witch left the hut and Elsa could see her rolling her eyes even from here. Morrigan only glanced up at them once, sighing in exasperation before she returned back to the hut with what looked to be herbs in her hands.

Closing her eyes, Elsa tried to fully process exactly what was going on. When she had left the estate she had worried that perhaps she would have lost her life by the end of it, but how could she have foreseen this? There had been no precedent in her life for being attacked by possessed trees, almost murdered and saved by a crow who turned out to be a beautiful women and then taken to her mother who also happened to be a legendary abomination. The stories of Flemeth alone were terrifying, especially the ones of kidnapping and murder. Yet here they were, stood by a small and unassuming hut whilst Flemeth seemingly had saved their lives to some sort of end. What that end was, Elsa really couldn’t say and for the first time in her life, she didn’t want to think about it. She was exhausted and frankly a little disturbed by everything.

Suddenly, she felt her hand being taken, as Leliana laced her fingers with her own. She turned her and pulled her into a tight embrace. Every ounce of strength that was keeping her together seemed to shudder and quake in Leliana’s arms, tears threatening to fall from her eyes under the sheer enormity of it all. She could have died. She should have died. Yet she was here, wrapped in Leliana’s arms, a comforting hand stroking the back of her hair as she tried to make sense of everything else outside of this embrace.

“We have not slept,” Leliana said, lifting Elsa’s chin and placing a soft kiss upon her lips. “Perhaps we should set up a tent to the side of the hut and get some rest?”

“I don’t think I could sleep if I tried,” Elsa whispered, holding Leliana tighter.

“We can at least lie down. You will need to rest your ankle so we can make the journey back.”

“Maybe we should go out and look for Titus…”

“ _ Elsa! _ ”

“What? If I sleep now then I won’t be able to sleep later?”

“If you don’t sleep now then you will keel over from exhaustion!”

“ _ Fine! _ ”

Leliana giggled, tucking a strand of hair behind Elsa’s ear and kissing her forehead. “You get grumpy when you’re tired. Go, see if Morrigan needs any help with the food, I will set up the tent so we can sleep and then I’ll join you.”

Elsa huffed, rolling her eyes as Leliana kissed her once more before leaving. Maybe Leliana was right, she did need sleep, after all she could feel her agitation rise at even the smallest of things and Maker knows she’d been known to snap when overtired. Whatever plans or futures needed to be thought about, Elsa would need her rest.

Begrudgingly she dragged herself towards the hut as the smell of food wafted out of the rafters and towards her. It was a nice change from the stench of the bog that surrounded them and Elsa felt her stomach begin to churn at the prospect of actually being able to eat something. Maker, it really had been a long day and with each passing second she really could not wait to eat something and finally fall asleep in Leliana’s arms. Goodness knows, she needed that right now.


	12. XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may or may not have noticed that I've upped the rating on this from Mature to Explicit. That is because that line that I kind of danced in front of, flirted with but never properly crossed has been crossed and well I mean this chapter is explicit so... whoops?! 
> 
> I say whoops, I'm not sorry at all. Anyways, I hope you enjoy~

It had been next to impossible to sleep in a tent during the day and even more impossible when Morrigan seemed to be doing goodness knows what, making far too much noise. Elsa felt as if she had only gotten a couple of hours, whilst the rest of her time had been spent watching Leliana as she slept. It was calming, to watch the gentle rise and fall of Leliana’s chest, to witness her eyes flickering as she reacted to whatever dreams were passing through her head.

There had been so little time for this before and now that Elsa’s world seemed to be on its head, she did not know how much or little time they would have left. It was clear; Howe wanted her dead and each second closer to returning to the estate was perhaps a second closer to his plans actually succeeding. Leliana had been quiet on the whole issue, unusually so and yet there was something that still felt wrong. The woman knew something, that much was for certain, yet when Elsa watched her, she could not even begin to think what that was.

Now that they were both awake, sorting through their packs and stocking up on whatever supplies they could find from the surrounding bog or from Flemeth’s stores, that silence seemed to continue. Elsa wanted to say something, to ask her what exactly she seemed to be keeping to herself. There were times when she even looked guilty and as she caught each of those looks, it was difficult to ignore the reaction she had, had earlier to Flemeth’s words. Elsa had always trusted Leliana, yet Flemeth had made it seem like a mockery. A joke. 

“You have been thinking a great deal,” Leliana said, looking up from where she had been servicing her bow.

“So have you, Lels,” Elsa replied calmly, arching an eyebrow as she looked at her. 

“Is something wrong?”

“We are preparing to go back to a place in which my father-in-law seems to want me dead and I simply do not know who I can trust anymore,” Elsa sighed, picking up one of her daggers and sharpening it with a whet stone.

“You can always trust me, Elsa.”

“Can I?”

Leliana’s brow furrowed and her mouth opened as if she were just about to speak. Just then, the door to the hut opened and a disgruntled Morrigan approached the two of them. It seemed as if Leliana chose to let it slide, refusing to continue the conversation in front of their new companion. The witch looked completely unperturbed by the idea that she had just interrupted them, yet did not say anything either, as she started to organise what was in her own pack for the journey.

“Things getting a little too crowded in the hut?” Elsa asked, smirking over at Morrigan.

“You have no idea.”

“You don’t want to escort us back, do you?” Leliana asked, turning her furrowed brows to Morrigan now.

“If I must, I must.”

Silence fell between them and Morrigan seemed to relax into it. In truth, Elsa sometimes preferred sitting in silent company. It allowed her to think, whilst also being around those who brought her some form of comfort. She wondered whether Morrigan felt the same way, whether sitting with them was far more preferable than the company of her mother. Living in the Wilds seemed like it would be isolating, yet Elsa dared not interrupt the peaceful quiet that the three women were sat in.

Reaching for a few of the herbs that Morrigan was cutting up, Elsa proceeded to help, following Morrigan’s movements and depositing them in the pile that the mage had already created. She knew Leliana was watching them both, her lip pulled between her teeth and yet Elsa and Morrigan continued to work together in quiet. The only acknowledgement she received from Morrigan herself was an immensely confused look, which Elsa only smiled at. Morrigan shook her head, a small ghost of a smile pulling at the corner of her lips before she continued her attentions.

They continued like this, working together in silence until Leliana seemed to find it impossible to sit there any longer. She returned to the tent, just as the sun was beginning to set and her pack was fully prepared. It was strange of her to act like this and as Elsa stared after her, she felt Morrigan still her actions and turn to her.

“Your companion does not like me much. ‘Tis a surprise that you have been so accommodating, surely you must be wary of an infamous witch of the wilds?” Morrigan asked, frowning slightly.

“I don’t like judging a book by its cover, Morrigan. I like your company; you don’t talk a lot and when you do, I’m interested in what you have to say.”

“Truly? You sound as if you are trying too hard to be aimeable.”

“No, you’re just interesting company and I’m enjoying every second of it!” Elsa chuckled, winking at the woman.

Morrigan rolled her eyes, but the ghost of a smile did not quite disappear from her lips. A slight scoff drifted through the fabric of the tent Leliana and Elsa were sharing and Elsa could not help but laugh at the idea that Leliana seemed to be listening in on their conversation. Still, a little seed of guilt seemed to fall into the pit of her chest as she stared sadly at the canvas, wondering whether she had been a little too harsh with her earlier comment. She had not really thought about it. She did trust Leliana with her life, nothing could ever affect that and she knew that she trusted that Leliana cared for her, but there was that ever present niggling.

“Do not let my mother’s words affect you too much. She spouts more nonsense than truths most of the time,” Morrigan said, contemplating Elsa. “We will have to make good time through the Wilds without the use of your horses, I suggest you retire for the eve.”

“Are you telling me to go after her?” Elsa asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I simply do not wish to watch you pining over the tent. It is distracting and I have some more preparations to take care of.”

“Aw, you don’t want us to fight?”

“I did not say anything of the sort!”

“Sure, of course not! I’ll see you at dawn, Morrigan. Maybe we can talk more on our journey?”

“That… would not be terrible.”

“I’ll take that as a branch of friendship. Goodnight, Morrigan!” Elsa chuckled, smirking as Morrigan sighed before she moved over to the tent.

She stood for a moment, waiting and listening as Morrigan picked up the rest of her things and moved them back into the hut, leaving Elsa alone outside. It wasn’t as if Leliana couldn’t see her right now, so she probably looked pathetic, simply standing outside of the tent and waiting for goodness knows what. Elsa needed to apologise and she needed to figure out what was going on in Leliana’s head.

Taking a deep breath, she pulled the flap aside and crawled inside. As soon as she got in, she came face to face with Leliana and those furrowed brows that didn’t seem to have disappeared since Elsa’s comment about whether she could trust her or not. Gulping slightly, Elsa smiled weakly, making sure the flap was shut properly before sitting down opposite Leliana.

“So…”

“I see you have decided to retire for the evening. Tell me, did flirting with Morrigan get too boring for you?” Leliana asked, arching an eyebrow and crossing her arms.

“Wait… what?”

“Did you decide to pursue someone more trustworthy? Although, why you would trust the witch who can  _ turn into a bird _ , I do not know,” Leliana scoffed.

“You’d find that intriguing under normal circumstances, I know you would. So what’s wrong, Leliana? What are you really angry about?” Elsa asked calmly, ignoring the side of her that wanted to snap right back.

“I… it has been a long day,” Leliana sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “After all of this… how could you not trust me?”

“Why are you so worried?” Elsa asked, cupping Leliana’s cheeks softly in her hands.

Leliana said nothing, even as tears seemed to well up in her eyes. It was an entirely new sight to see and Elsa felt her heart wrench into two. Forgetting everything else, she leaned forward and kissed Leliana, moving cautiously so she could sit in her lap and pull herself as close as possible. It was all she could do to stop those tears from falling down porcelain cheeks, her thumbs rubbing at the tracks of water as they dripped slowly.

“I love you,” Leliana whispered, kissing Elsa’s jaw tenderly.

The world stilled and Elsa’s heart thudded to a halt in her chest. It took a moment, a long moment before her chest seemed to burst with an inexplicable joy that she had never felt before. Those words, ones she had heard so often from Thomas now felt like a liberation more than a cage, a sweet song that seemed to hum through her flesh and bones. The sadness and fear seemed to ebb away, if only for that moment, as a large smile broke across Elsa’s face. 

Pushing Leliana down, Elsa claimed her lips in a desperate kiss, unable to form any words that could describe the sudden euphoria that washed over her. Hands clutched at her hip and hair, pulling her ever closer into the kiss, as Leliana slid her tongue across Elsa’s lip. Soft moans filled the air as both women seemed to clutch to each other in desperation, their breaths sharp as they pulled away from the intoxicating kiss.

“I… Leliana…” Elsa husked, stroking her hand over her lover’s cheek. “I love you too.”

Before Elsa could even process what was happening, Leliana flipped her onto the floor and straddled her hips, smiling slyly down at her. Elsa felt her breath catch in her throat as Leliana lowered her lips, kissing her neck gently and flickering her tongue against the sensitive skin. A sudden roll of Leliana’s hips made Elsa squeak, her hands gripping tightly onto her hips and encouraging her to move harder against her. Her body felt like it was on fire already, her skin having missed the gentle touch and caresses that Leliana had bestowed upon her before. She craved the intimacy and yet there was something rougher in the way Leliana’s teeth bit down into Elsa’s neck, causing sharp gasps rather than gentle sighs to escape her lips.

Suddenly, she felt fingers being pressed to her lips as Leliana hovered above her. She did not say anything, simply smirked as she encouraged Elsa to take both fingers into her mouth. Leliana hummed at the sight, as Elsa sucked on her fingers gently, unable to really place exactly why this action made her body burn even hotter.

“We need to be quiet, ma chérie, can you do that for me?” Leliana purred, her free hand moving to push up Elsa’s shirt.

Nodding, Elsa felt a keen desire to do exactly what she was told, hoping that it would bring her far greater rewards than if she disobeyed. They hadn’t really explored this before and Elsa wondered why they hadn’t, when her body hummed in approval as Leliana circled and rocked her hips against her. She moaned, finding the noise stifled by Leliana’s fingers and she could not ignore the way Leliana’s eyes seemed to darken with lust at the muffled sound.

“You are beautiful…” Leliana whispered, removing her fingers and pulling Elsa’s shirt over her head. Her eyes roamed over her bare skin, her lip caught between her teeth as she moved to caress Elsa’s bare breasts. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

“I’m not that easy to kill,” Elsa whimpered, bucking her hips as Leliana teased her breasts.

“Mmm, I am glad.” Leliana pinched her gently, drawing a sharp gasp from her lips. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t have to,” Elsa whispered, reaching up to cup Leliana’s cheek.

Turning her head, Leliana placed a kiss upon the palm of her hand before leaning forward to capture Elsa’s lips once more. Elsa moved her hand to Leliana’s hair, pulling slightly and earning her a harsh nip to her bottom lip. She laughed then, before she felt Leliana shift and her hand was pressed between her legs. Her laughter was cut off by a gasp, as Leliana smirked at her and pressed her hand even harder against her breeches. It was impossible not to move against her, to try and increase the friction and the pleasure that seemed to twist her stomach.

“I missed how pretty you sound,” Leliana giggled, undoing the fastenings on Elsa’s breeches and pulling them and her smallclothes down to her ankles. “It really hasn’t been fair, seeing you and not being able to hold you like I want to.”

“Please, Leli…”

“What do you wish of me, Elsa?” Leliana asked, nuzzling gently into her neck.

“I need you to… ah, I need you to take me.  _ Please _ ,” Elsa gasped, as Leliana nonchalantly ran her finger down Elsa’s slit and elicited a loud moan from her lover.

“I asked you to be quiet, didn’t I?” Leliana said sweetly, dragging her finger through Elsa’s wetness so slowly that Elsa felt like she wanted to explode.

“How are you going to keep me quiet?”

“Hmm… in other circumstances I would just gag you, but I seem to be missing my pretty silk ties,” Leliana mused, tapping her lip with her finger.

“Wait, you have  _ what _ ?”

“I think I will just have to keep your mouth occupied… or covered.”

“Hold on, can we back track here please? You have silk ties? Since… oh Maker, you are going to be the death of me,” Elsa laughed, running her hands up Leliana’s waist and pushing her shirt up. “Please, can you take this off?”

Giggling softly, Leliana did as she was asked and giggled even harder when Elsa’s grinned broadly, her hands coming to stroke patterns against her waist. It was nice and it felt far easier than any of their other intimate moments had done, even if they were trying to be as quiet as could be. There was something more confident about the way each of them moved with each other, something so familiar in the way Leliana stroked the hair out of her face and leant down to kiss her.

Tracing her fingers down Leliana’s spine, Elsa found herself getting lost in the feel of Leliana’s tongue softly massaging her own and the way their breasts moved against each other. It did not take long before Leliana positioned herself between Elsa’s legs, her body moving in hard thrusts against her until Elsa could barely think straight. Kicking off her breeches fully, she wrapped her legs around her lover’s waist, raising her hips to meet each thrust and groaning at the pleasure that coursed through her. They were so close like this and Elsa did not want to let go. Each thrust brought her closer, each rock and circle of their hips sending trails of fire beneath her skin. 

Elsa moaned loudly, her nails digging into Leliana’s back before she could even begin to temper the sounds she was making. But as the sound left her mouth, Leliana moved away, her eyes glinting with mischief as she looked down at her lover.

“What did I say about making noise? This just won’t do, will it?” Leliana cooed, before moving back entirely.

Elsa whined, sitting up and trying to reach for Leliana to bring her back into their embrace. Leliana merely laughed, but kept eye contact as she removed her own breeches. It had felt like an eternity since Elsa had seen Leliana like this and she could still see each area where she had once trailed her fingers and tongue, where she had spent so long memorising every single beautiful inch of Leliana’s body.

Tentatively reaching her hand forward, she stroked her fingers through red curls and circled Leliana’s clit. She was met with a soft gasp as Leliana parted her lips and closed her eyes, her hips rocking with the movement of Elsa’s fingers. She felt in awe and yet it did not last long until Leliana had pushed Elsa back onto her back.

Before Elsa could say anything else, Leliana placed a hand over her mouth, as she settled over her leg, rocking herself against Elsa’s bare thigh and chuckling huskily as Elsa let out a muffled moan. She did it again, rocking her hips and pleasuring herself on Elsa’s thigh, enjoying the way Elsa lifted her leg and gave her lover more purchase to increase the friction between them.

Leliana’s other hand moved between them once more, her fingers parting her folds and teasing her gently. It was maddening and Leliana knew what Elsa was longing for her to do. It did not take long before her own desire seemed to win out and she slipped two fingers inside of Elsa, causing the young woman to cry against the hand that silenced her.

Each thrust brought Elsa closer, each curl of those clever fingers stroking against spots that made her want to scream Leliana’s name out into the night. It was hard, trying to keep quiet despite the hand across her mouth, which did not do as much as either of them had hoped. It felt arousing in a way that Elsa didn’t quite understand; the fear of anyone hearing them, the control Leliana had over her and the sounds she emitted. It was riveting, enticing and Elsa wondered how she had gone for so long without feeling quite so aroused and desireable.

Leliana’s eyes were dark with desire as Elsa’s body writhed beneath her, her own body slick with sweat as she thrust hard against her lover, driving her back hard against the ground. It was nowhere near as comfortable as the bed they had once shared, but Elsa found that added to inferno raging in the pit of her stomach. Her muscles constricted, tightening and tightening until a well placed curl of Leliana’s fingers sent her over the edge. She bit hard on Leliana’s hand trying to stifle the sounds she so desperately wanted to make.

Hastily removing her own hands from Leliana’s waist, she rubbed her fingers hard against Leliana’s clit, wanting nothing more than to send her lover over the edge along with her. A low growl rumbled in the back of Leliana’s throat as she collapsed forward slightly, rocking her hips against Elsa’s hand to ride through her own orgasm, desperately craving each touch Elsa gave her whilst trying to maintain her own movements inside of her lover.

It was not long before both women were collapsed on their backs, taking deep breaths as they tried to recover from what they had just done. It had been beautiful in its way and Elsa could feel that warm swell within her chest as Leliana moved over her and kissed her desperately once more. She wished they could stay like this forever, that they did not need to go back and face what had actually happened. There was too much at stake if Howe thought Elsa was still alive, too many loyal people who could find themselves killed if they asked too many questions.

Oh but what she would give to be selfish, to spend eternity in Leliana’s arms and never leave, forgetting about any secrets that lay between them and simply existing and growing with each other. It was all that she wanted to matter and yet she knew it could not be.

“They probably heard us,” Leliana giggled, resting her forehead against Elsa’s as they settled into an easy embrace.

“Yeah… but I had fun. That was… well you’ll have to show me these silk ties because I don’t know how anything could get better than that,” Elsa laughed, kissing Leliana on the nose.

“Oh believe me, I have tricks up my sleeve like you would never believe,” Leliana purred, placing a teasing kiss along her jaw.

“Well, maybe you should show me some more tonight? I dare say I haven’t finished with you yet, Leliana.”

“Of course, my lady, how could I ever resist?”

“Now you’re just mocking me.”

“Perhaps a little,” Leliana giggled, kissing Elsa firmly. “We deserve this though. The future is so uncertain…”

“What do you think is going to happen?”

“I do not know, mon cœur. I will stay by your side, whatever happens, I do not find myself in a hurry to leave you, so long as you shall have me.”

“I could not think of anything that would make me send you away, my love,” Elsa laughed, smiling broadly.

Leliana’s face fell, her expression growing sad as she looked away for a brief moment, lost in her own thoughts.

“We shall see…”


	13. XIII

**** The world was still dark by the time Elsa had disentangled herself from Leliana and set about getting ready. It would take perhaps a week, maybe more to get back to the estate, depending on how fast they walked and still Elsa’s stomach felt jittery, as if she did not want this time to end. There was a sense that she was walking towards a death of some kind, whether in the literal loss of life or a more poetic kind of death, Elsa surely did not know, although she had a bad feeling nonetheless.

Even as she watched Leliana sleeping, that feeling of dread seemed to creep up on her, seeping into her as she became more and more aware of the fact that this had been yet another time when Leliana had distracted her from the truth. It was so difficult to ignore and yet she was in no place to question her, they simply did not have the time and as for now, she trusted her with her life. That would have to be enough. And she loved her, oh Maker, how she loved her and love was foolish and blind and part of her never wanted to find out what was going on. She would rather shove it aside and deal with it later. Perhaps when their lives weren’t in so much danger. 

As she finally got dressed, she left the tent and sat with her pack to go through some final preparations. She could see Morrigan and Flemeth talking not too far away, their voices inaudible in their hushed tones. It did not matter, Elsa told herself, for now she just needed to focus on herself and Leliana and how they would actually get back. If they were to die at the hands of these mages, they would have died whilst they slept. No, they were far better company than the people they had been travelling with just days before, which in hindsight made Elsa’s fears of the Wilds seem small and misplaced. It should have been those who had known her from birth whom she should have been more wary of.

Suddenly, there was a sound in the bushes close to the tent where Leliana was still asleep. Quickly, Elsa grabbed her daggers, quietly creeping over to the rustling, her daggers raised and ready to strike. That was before an excited bark rang through the air and Elsa found herself faced with a bounding dog, running towards her with such excitement in his eyes and wagging tail.

“Titus!” Elsa cried, falling to her knees and clutching to the dog as he finally came to sit down in front of her. “You found me?! Oh what a brave boy you are! Who’s a good boy, Titus? Oh thank the Maker, I thought I’d lost you!”

Titus barked in response, bowling Elsa over and covering her face in slobbery kisses. The woman laughed, trying to push her dog’s snout away as he continued to excitedly greet his mistress.

It did not take long before Leliana seemed to emerge from the tent, her smile wide as she saw what the commotion was. As soon as Titus seemed to notice her, her leapt off of Elsa and bounded towards Leliana, rolling onto the ground until his belly was exposed in the air. Leliana giggled, bending down to rub and tickle the war dog’s stomach. She was beautiful, Elsa thought, as she watched her laugh and play with Titus. That melodious ring of laughter still sent her heart skipping a beat. Without really thinking, she moved forward, cupping Leliana’s cheeks in her hands and kissing her passionately.

She felt a protective arm around her back, holding her close as she leant up on her tiptoes to kiss Leliana properly and forever wishing she had grown taller. Sighing happily, Elsa nipped Leliana’s bottom lip, pulling it slightly until she could see Leliana’s gaze darken again, filling her with a sudden rush of excitement.

“If you two are quite done, we can start our journey. ‘Tis later than I would like. I assume this animal belongs on to you,” Morrigan said, interrupting their moment.

Sighing, Elsa moved away and turned to Morrigan, fully aware that a hand still remained on her back, an ever present form of support that made her feel safe again.

“Okay, we’ll just pack the tent up and we can head out.”

“I believe Mother wishes to speak to you, Elsa.  _ Just _ you,” Morrigan added, looking pointedly at Leliana.

Elsa turned to Leliana whose face seemed to be filled with concern, her arm holding tighter around her waist as if she really did not want to let Elsa speak to the woman on her own. 

“It’s fine, Lels. Would you mind packing up the tent and I’ll come help you once I’m done, okay? If she was going to do something to me, she’d have done it already.”

“Okay… you are right, of course. Come back to me soon, my love,” Leliana whispered, pressed a kiss to Elsa’s cheek. “I just worry for you.”

Elsa nodded, trying to ignore the tears that pricked at her eyes as her chest began to swell again. It was impossible not to be flustered when Leliana kept coming out with cute statements that seemed to completely disarm her. It was still new, that someone would say such things and that Elsa would actually enjoy hearing them. Maker, she even returned those feelings and it was so joyful that Elsa really wished it wasn’t tainted by the slight sourness from the entire situation they were in. She wished it had been simple, yet as that could not be, this was more than she had ever expected from life and so she cherished it.

Walking to the hut where Flemeth had disappeared into, Elsa steeled herself for another cryptic conversation. The mage unsettled her, as if she could see straight through Elsa and everything she was saying. As if nothing was a mystery to this woman anymore, after existing for so long.

“You will need all the strength you can get for what is to come, child,” Flemeth said, without turning around.

“Yes, I had gathered. I still don’t understand why you are helping us. What is it that you think I am supposed to do?”

“I thought I already told you.”

“You weren’t exactly clear.”

“Then let me provide something in way of good faith. Watch your back and those you trust with it. There are secrets everywhere and you may just find there are some you will not like.”

Elsa groaned, feeling that niggling anxiety pushing at her again. Steeling herself, she pushed it away, meeting Flemeth’s gaze with determination. It seemed she had amused the old woman, as her eyes glinted with mirth, watching as the younger woman seemed to react to her words. Nodding curtly, Elsa turned, making to open the door to the hut and finally start on her journey back.

“Good luck,” Flemeth said, making Elsa’s hand pause on the door handle. “You will need it.”

“Thank you. I appreciate the help.”

With that, Elsa was gone, exiting the hut and trying to shake every single one of Flemeth’s words from the past few days. They felt like fingers, prodding her mind in different directions, steering her until she wanted to scream. Tightening her jaw, she made her way back over to where Morrigan, Leliana and now Titus were waiting for her, all looking almost as uncomfortable and yearning to go as Elsa felt.

**xxx**

The first part of the journey seemed to go by without much of a hitch. Indeed, as the sun began to present itself proudly in the sky, the chill wind breezing through the trees, the Wilds could almost be called beautiful. Shivering slightly, Elsa drew a fur shawl, that Morrigan had produced from her pack, around her shoulders, trying to keep out the cold. It had been far easier to stay warm with adrenaline pumping through her veins and with the speed of being on horseback. Now, it seemed to chill her fingers until they felt frozen in the crisp air.

“Here, you look cold,” Leliana said, taking one of Elsa’s hands in her own and holding it up to her lips.

The woman blew on her fingers before she rubbed them, trying to warm them up with the heat of her own. Each rub of her fingers was accompanied by a soft kiss upon the tip of each one, a small sign of affection that Elsa did not think she would ever tire of.

“So… what happens when we actually get to the estate? Do we have a plan? Or do I just show up as if nothing ever happened and pretend like I have spent the past week trying to get back?” Elsa asked, frowning slightly as they walked.

“Well, we should assess what the situation is. Perhaps find Freya and ask her what has been said by Thomas and his father. We cannot confront anyone without knowing exactly what the situation is. You will be killed otherwise,” Leliana sighed, chewing her lip as she thought.

“You do not even know why you are going back?” Morrigan scoffed.

“I can’t just pretend as if I’m dead!”

“And why not? Would that not solve all of your problems? You and your… lover could escape and find peace somewhere.”

“No, I could not let my parents believe that I am dead.”

“Then why not go to them? Surely ‘tis suicide to return to the home of the man who wants you dead?”

“There’s too much left there for me to never return. I need proof about what happened and I need answers. I could not turn up in Highever saying that Howe tried to have me killed and have people actually believe me! My parents love and trust me… but they have known Howe for far longer and they trust him too. No. We need proof. We need people who could vouch for me and those people are back at the estate.”

“Morrigan does have a point, Elsa…” Leliana said, pursing her lips. “It does seem rather foolish.”

“I cannot leave Freya there. I promised her I would be safe and damnation, I am going to make sure that she is safe in turn!”

“Ah, so it is sentiment that drives you?”

“Family, Morrigan.”

“Ha, I have just left my ‘family’ behind and I feel all the better for it!”

“Yes, well that’s you, isn’t it?” Elsa sighed, shaking her head and stopping for a moment. “Look, I know it’s risky and I know it probably doesn’t make much sense, but it feels like something that I  _ need  _ to do. I will have Leliana and Titus with me, I do not think anything bad could happen whilst they are by my side. I need to find Freya, I need answers and then I need to see what happens from there. I cannot just ignore this and hide. I need to face the man who tried to have me killed.”

Titus barked, wagging his tail and stood beside Elsa, seemingly staring down the two other woman in defiance. Elsa knew it was risky, she knew it all and she could see the concern and haughty disbelief on both of her companions’ faces, but it did not matter to her. This is what needed to be done and she would be damned if she didn’t go through with it.

Besides, there was something drawing her back to the estate. An unvoiced and unrecognisable feeling that seemed to tell her that she needed to go back there. With all of Flemeth’s talk of fate and paths, it was hard not to wonder whether all of that had been true, whether there were things that Elsa was meant to see and do. Whether she was now currently walking back on the right path, headed towards a destination she could not foresee.

Stepping forward, Leliana took Elsa’s hands in hers before she leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips. It was gentle and chaste, a quick thing before Morrigan sighed about yet another diversion that seemed to hold them back from their destination.

“If you are certain, I will follow,” Leliana whispered, tucking a tendril of hair behind Elsa’s ear before smiling warmly.

“Thank you, that’s all that I ask,” Elsa replied, cupping Leliana’s cheek gently. “Morrigan, well, I suppose you weren’t really given a choice in this matter were you?”

“May I be frank with you?”

“You’re asking my permission? I would have thought you’d have just come out with it?” Elsa laughed, shaking her head.

“I do not know why Mother has sent me with you. She rarely tells me what her plans are, but she seems to have a plan for you. You know this, yes?”

“I had thought so. I won’t change my mind though.”

Morrigan sighed, shaking her head as if she truly could not believe the bad luck that had befallen her in this. “Very well. We should move, it would be unfortunate if we died now rather than later.”

Chuckling, Elsa nodded, stepping away from Leliana and lacing their fingers together. They moved off, ready to continue their journey deeper into the forest and closer to the unknown. As determined and adamant as Elsa was, as much faith as she had put in herself and the need to protect her family, she felt like she was trembling on the inside. If she stopped to think, she’d be crippled by the terrible feeling of foreboding in the pit of her stomach, crumpled by the knowledge that they could very well be walking to their death.


	14. XIV

****Having Morrigan to guide them had possibly already saved their lives more times than Elsa could count. It was with her help that they had managed to reach the edges of the Wilds after days of fairly little activity. The mage had led them around where the Sylvans tended to come to life, avoided getting too close that they could possibly cause the Dalish to view them as a potential threat and she had even stopped Elsa from foolishly eating a piece of fruit that would have probably left her with a very sore stomach and a high fever for days. Of course, Morrigan really hadn’t let her live that last one down.

The sun was setting now, casting an eerie light over the Wilds that always put Elsa’s hairs on end. Most of the time Morrigan had scoffed at her for readying her daggers, just as Titus had hopped along happily, leaving just Elsa and Leliana with their hands on their weapons at all times. The ease of their companions should have made them settle, but there was no way that either woman would take that risk. So much had happened to them in the past few days that it was difficult to simply rest and trust that they would be safe.

Today however, Elsa noticed that Morrigan’s brow was furrowed, her hand planted tightly on her staff as if she too were preparing herself for the worst. Her amber eyes darted around the trees, her head tilting slightly as if she were trying to hear for something in particular.

“Morrigan…”

“Shh… I do not think we are alone,” Morrigan whispered, coming to a halt and raising her hands until even Titus stopped in his tracks.

The mabari growled lowly, turning around and facing the direction they had just come from, his ears pinned to the back of his head and his teeth bared. Elsa had not seen him this distressed for a long time and that very fact sent a shiver down her spine. There was something out there this time, something that Titus and Morrigan seemed to think was a threat.

“Can you hear that?” Leliana whispered, her hand resting on Elsa’s shoulder as she peered into the darkness.

“I… don’t hear anything?”

“Exactly… there are usually sounds at this time of night. Other creatures making their presence known and yet now there is silence. Why?”

“We should proceed cautiously. We do not want our visitors to know we are here.”

Moving slowly forward, the group continued on their journey, making certain that someone had eyes on their back at all times. There seemed to be no answer for what had created the sudden silence in the air, or for the way each of them seemed to feel a profound sense of foreboding that kept them alert and cautious.

Sometimes Elsa forgot that she had spent most of her years in a safe castle or in a secluded estate. There had never been any true danger for her and her biggest issues was that sense of feeling trapped in a life she did not feel she belonged in. Now, the cage she was in felt less gilded as she realised just how underprepared for this she was. They had survived thus far because of Leliana or Morrigan, or down to Elsa’s sheer dumb luck. She had no skill with tracking or poisons and had relied upon Leliana when she had suggested a plant to smear on her weapons to give them a poisonous edge. Andraste’s tits, she didn’t even know how to cook and it had been Leliana and Morrigan who had done most of that over the past few days. How she was even still alive, she did not know.

She needed to rise to the occasion though and she supposed she had done, but that didn’t take away that twisted feeling in her mind that told her she would be the weak link that could kill everyone here. That feeling only seemed to grow and grow as she felt more and more on edge, her mind imagining what could possibly have forced the Wilds into silence. The other creatures were hiding, protecting themselves from a danger they could not see yet. Perhaps it was something new, something these creatures had not yet witnessed. To them, humans and a dog would be an irregular but recognisable occurrence, but now it seemed as if there was something unusual in these woods. Something unsettling.

A rustle of trees sent Elsa spinning around, her daggers raised and her teeth bared. There was nothing. Just darkness and a sensation of terror and disgust that seemed to have settled into her stomach. Leliana had nocked an arrow quickly, scanning the area, ready to strike at the first sign of danger.

The wind seemed to pick up, blowing from where Titus was still growling. A stench filled the air, a rotting, dark and tainted smell that burnt the inside of Elsa’s nose. It was vile, churning her stomach until she wanted to throw up into the nearest bush. Elsa had once found a body in the alleys of Highever, a rotting thing that had not been found until she had stumbled across it. That smell of death had been vile, the corpse having been a couple of days old, as the physician had estimated, but this smell, this terrible wretched smell felt as if it were far worse.

“What _is_ that?” Elsa coughed, trying not to give in and cover her nose, choosing to keep her daggers ready.

“I… have never encountered this before, but I have heard Mother speak of such things,” Morrigan hissed, her staff now raised and ready.

“What is it?”

Before Morrigan could reply, a terrible screech echoed through the Wilds and Elsa could not even spin around before Leliana had loosed her arrow, striking a beast in the chest. The thing shrieked again before it toppled over, bearing it’s pointed teeth beneath the crude helmet that it wore on its head. Elsa could smell that wretched stench so strongly now as she looked at the beast and felt her body fill with dread.

“What the _fuck_ is that?!”

“Darkspawn! Stay on your guard, there will be more,” Morrigan commanded, blasting arcane magic at the dying shriek until it stopped moving completely.

Elsa’s blood ran cold as she tightened her grip on her daggers. She had read so much about the darkspawn and their connection to the Blight and how they had been defeated time and time again by the Grey Wardens. There were always bands of them, small groups when they raided the surface and tore up farmholds before being ultimately destroyed. Those kind of  attacks happened rarely and hopefully, this group would be just as small. Elsa did not know a lot but she could only hope that this was a raid. She didn’t want to have to worry about an entire Blight taking hold of the world. Who knew how much damage, destruction and death that would bring.

Another screech and this time Elsa spun around to react, dodging a lunging blow from the claws of the beast and stabbing her dagger up and through the armour. The creature screamed in agony as Elsa took another lunge and sliced its jugular, releasing a coating of black, sickly blood onto her weapons and face.

“Keep your mouth closed!” Morrigan shouted, throwing a fireball into the face of another creature.

Elsa nodded, pursing her lips and trying to stop the blood from entering her system. She had read about people catching the Blight and she had no desire to become one of those ghouls that had been drawn in the pages of the book and had given her nightmares for a week.

The foul stench only seemed to get worse as more darkspawn appeared in varying shapes and sizes. There was a large hurlock, swinging a battle axe that made Elsa’s blood run cold and a genlock that Titus had pinned to the ground, despite the creature waving it’s large arms in the hopes of throwing the dog off. It was terrifying, as Elsa dodged and parried, lunging and slicing at these creatures until they fell at her feet. It seemed to be a smallish band of at least fifteen, but that was more than enough to drive fear into Elsa’s chest.

Suddenly, as she dodged a lunging arm, she was tackled to the ground by a large, hulking hurlock. She gasped as the wind got knocked out of her, crying out as her arm was pinned to the ground and a dagger flew from her grasp. Hot, sickly breath raked across her face as the beast growled, attempting to scratch and claw and stab at her with all of its might. Its eyes were black, it’s teeth bared and Elsa did not know whether she had ever seen something so horrifying and evil before in her life. She threw punchs, trying to get the darkspawn off of her before others descended on her.

“ELSA!” came a shout, barely audible above the pounding in Elsa’s ears and the exhaustion in her body as she felt the hurlock smack her head against the ground.

The world began to spin, the chaos drifting in and out of focus as she felt the weight being flung off of her. She watched blearily as a figure took out a dagger and plunged it repeatedly into the hurlock’s chest, a snarl coming from their lips as they turned and seemed to guard where Elsa lay. Blinking, she tried to focus, seeing red hair and a fearsome expression filled with anger and distress, the way they nocked their arrows one after the other, letting them fly into the faces and limbs of nearby darkspawn. Leliana, was fighting, stopping any of the remaining creatures from getting anywhere near where Elsa lay on the ground. She was helping her. She was saving her.

Struggling to get to her feet, Elsa felt the world falter again, her legs only just listening to her commands as she scrambled to pick up her daggers, hoping that she could at least be of some use. Morrigan was in the distance, throwing spells and hexes over at the creatures and felling them in burning, blistering messes. That smell burnt her lungs, causing her to stumble as she plunged her dagger into the back of a genlock that was trying to tear out Titus’ throat. It was difficult to keep her balance, even though the initial blow had started to wear off, leaving her mind clearer and clearer with each passing second. The beast was the last one in this pack, as it turned with a roar and sliced Elsa’s arm with its crude weapon. A scream filled the air that made Elsa jump out of her skin until she realised it had come from her own throat and a searing pain shot through her from where she had been cut open.

Morrigan waved her hand and staff, forcing the genlock to stay in place. It began to choke as if it was being crushed by some unseeable force, before it went limp, collapsing to floor as soon as the spell let it go. Breathing heavily, Elsa tried to put her hand over the cut before Leliana grabbed her wrist tightly, shaking her head as if Elsa was about to do something immensely stupid.

“The blood, Elsa! If you can’t let it into your mouth then your blood will be far worse. We need to get that cleaned!” Leliana exclaimed, quickly dropping her back to the floor and fishing out some rubbing alcohol.

Elsa closed her eyes, trying not to scream as Leliana dabbed at the gash on her arm and wondering how many times they would be in this same position. The pain was excruciating as Leliana cleaned the area and tried to wipe away the rest of the tainted blood that was covering her skin.

“We will need to find some place to camp. I have a salve to speed your healing, though I cannot promise much,” Morrigan said, moving over to them and wiping some blood from her brow.

“Quickly, then.” Leliana took out a bandage and hastily wrapped the injury up in it to stem the bleeding. “If we do not hurry, it could get infected.”

“Leli…” Elsa whimpered, forcing Leliana to look away from her arm and towards her face. “Are you alright?”

Laughing for a moment, Leliana nodded and cupped Elsa’s cheeks. “I am not the one who was thrown to the ground and cut open, chérie. I am fine, but I will be better once we have sorted out your arm.”

Nodding, Elsa followed as Morrigan and Leliana set off away from the corpses of the darkspawn. The sound of rustling seemed to fill the Wilds again as its other inhabitants sprung back into life now that the danger had passed. Looking behind her though, Elsa still felt that sense of unease and the horror of having to gaze into the faces of those creatures. It had been terrible, their faces gnarled and their bodies like monstrous versions of humans and elves and dwarves. It had been worse than any nightmare, more terrible than the books had described and it made Elsa’s stomach churn.

She stopped in her tracks then, swaying on her feet and closing her eyes tightly as if willing herself to settle and move on.

“Elsa, are you okay?”

She could not answer, for all she could do was bend over and retch at the bile that had risen in her mouth.

  **Xxx**

There was no way that Elsa could get any sleep that night and neither could anyone else it seemed. She sat away from the campfire and tents, wanting to be alone with her own thoughts. It was a lot to try to sift through, trying to remove those blackened eyes and snarling jaws from her mind just long enough for her to get some rest. Even if the pain in her arm had lessened a bit, she could not quite believe how defenseless she had been. Sure, other people might have been killed instantly without weapons and pinned to the ground, but she had been the only one and she had, had to have been saved yet again.

Sighing, she took a stick and jammed it into the ground, carving out a pattern to try to distract herself. The truth was, she felt like a failure, like some delicate flower that needed to be protected by everyone because she had spent far too long as a noble and not enough time actually fighting. She had trained with people who had let her win. Trained in an environment where risk was not a factor and now that risk was very much a factor, she was the one getting trampled and sliced.

“Elsa, how are you doing?” Leliana asked, interrupting Elsa’s solitude.

Elsa merely shrugged, jamming her stick into the ground again and again until it snapped in her hands. Growling, Elsa threw the rest of the stick on the ground, wincing a little as she exerted where the gash was on her arm. Thankfully the salve was taking most of the edge off, but there was an incessant ache now that frustrated her to no end.

“You know, you fought well today. It is not easy to fend off an enemy that is bigger and stronger than you are for as long as you did. You should be proud.”

“Really? Cause all I did was get beaten down and slashed to death.”

“You are very much alive, Elsa. Unless we have both passed onto the Maker’s side? I have to say, this was not what the Chantry promised it would be,” Leliana giggled, earning her a dirty look from her lover.

“I just…”

“No, please, listen to me for a moment. You are capable Elsa and I know that sometimes you are quiet when you think you have not done well, but no one could have fought that fight alone. Even the most seasoned of soldiers would have had difficulty and you had not killed a single being until recently. You are stronger than you realise. Stronger than you or Howe or even Thomas has ever given you credit for.”

“You’re just saying that to keep on my good side.”

“I’m telling you the _truth_ , Elsa. I love you, you know that now and I will always have your back.”

“How are you doing?” Elsa asked, turning slightly to properly look at Leliana’s face in the moonlight.

The woman bit her lip slightly, as if considering how to phrase what she wanted to say or even come up with a singular answer.

“I am better now that I know you are safe. I thought… I thought I would lose you again and I do not think I have feared for someone else’s life so much in quite some time. I want to help you, I want to be at your side and I want to work with you. Besides, you saved my life when those bandits attacked, so I believe this just makes us even,” Leliana giggled, kissing Elsa’s cheek softly.

“Do you think we’ll make it through this? What if… what if Howe is planning something far worse than just my death?”

“We’ll tackle it when that moment comes. Together.”

“You know, sometimes I wonder what I ever did to deserve your love and loyalty. It must have been something? I am hardly a prized catch.”

“Nonsense! You are quite beautiful in your way, strong, a good listener and you aren’t too annoying. It was quite easy to enjoy your company.”

“You’re terrible, did you know that? Absolutely terrible.”

Leliana merely giggled, tilting Elsa’s face towards hers and kissing her slowly. Elsa felt her body relax a little as Leliana pulled her into her lap, deepening the kiss. It was easy to get lost in this again, to allow the self-doubt to roll off of her and to ignore everything in the world around them. It was difficult to concentrate on anything else, when Leliana’s hands were tugging at her hair, her lips sending shivers down Elsa’s spine as she kissed down her neck.

“Isn’t this a bit dangerous?” Elsa gasped, as Leliana bit her neck. “If anything attacks…”

“I can concentrate on more than one thing, Elsa,” Leliana giggled, leaning her head against hers.

“Maybe we should go back and try to sleep? Preferably before Morrigan ends up killing Titus for shoving a rat in her small clothes again.”

“You’re worried…”

“Aren’t you?”

“Yes, it is hard not to be,” Leliana sighed, casting her eyes down as she wrapped her arms tightly around her.

Elsa ran her hands through Leliana’s hair, stroking her soothingly as Leliana buried her face into her neck and seemed to hold her closer. Each time Leliana seemed to hold her close, she remembered how things had been back in Lothering, when they had known that things would come to an end sooner rather than later and it felt just like it did then. As if Leliana was taking these last moments of intimacy and cherishing them. Elsa closed her eyes, allowing the moment to linger for as long as Leliana needed it because Maker’s breath did she need it too. That lightness in her chest was addictive and she never wanted it to leave; that comfort of the love between them that seemed so different from the fake love that she had spent the past few years expressing. Despite it all, this was truly the first thing that felt real, the one and only thing in Elsa’s current life that had felt good. She cherished it; she cherished Leliana and she could not even begin to process just how much meeting this woman had meant to her.

She felt different. Life was different and there was a strength and a belief in her that she had not felt in some time. Elsa hadn’t felt capable or like her own person in so long, she had been just a wife, a trophy, a bed warmer. Now, she was Elsa, with a mind and opinions and feelings that someone actually cared to know.

“What’s on your mind, Elsa?” Leliana whispered, kissing her cheek and tucking a wayward hair behind her ear.

“I love you, Leliana and I owe you so much.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“Oh, but I believe I do. So thank you, you’ve been the only person in my life who let me be who I am.”

Leliana chewed her lip, her eyes shielding over with glassy tears before one slipped down her cheek. Nodding slowly, she kissed Elsa again, softly and sweetly until Elsa’s chest began to sing again.

“I love you too.”

Sighing happily, Elsa closed her eyes and enjoyed the embrace once more, thankful that they had the time to do this. She felt the fears and horrors of the day slip from her shoulders, supported in the comfort and protection of her lover’s arms, sharing that pain until it felt less and less. So many things had been trapped within her head for so long, so many issues that had made her sick because she was alone and suddenly, she was not so alone anymore. She had Leliana and even if they got to the estate and the whole world spun on its head, she would still have her love and her love would still have her. Of that, she had no single doubt.


	15. XV

**** Despite the horrors of the darkspawn attack, the rest of the journey seemed to pass by with little trouble. Elsa almost wished that something would happen, perhaps a band of bandits? Maybe Titus could have wandered off and they could have spent an extra couple of days looking for him before inevitably finding the hound licking his chops after eating rabbits. But none of these things happened and the group had passed out of the Wilds and into the Bannorn without much trouble at all.

Even with Leliana’s hand constantly held tightly within her own, Elsa could not begin to settle down for one moment. This was it. The estate was looming in the distance and Elsa felt sick to her stomach. Wincing slightly she looked at the fresh bandage on her arm, wondering if she could even be useful with her arm aching as it sometimes did, as the wound healed under the salves.

“You should wait here until darkness,” Morrigan said, nodding her head towards the estate. “‘Tis too dangerous to go in there now.”

“And what of you, Morrigan?” Leliana asked, tilting her head as Morrigan seemed to be standing restlessly. “Will you be coming with us?”

“No.”

“Oh…” Elsa sighed, looking down at her feet and finding that she did not really want to go in there without Morrigan’s help. “Got somewhere you need to be?”

“Something like that,” Morrigan said, a small smirk pulling at her lips.

They stood there for a moment, before Morrigan stepped towards Elsa, holding out a small ring to her. She did not say anything as Elsa took it, examining the cool silver and the small, blue gem that sat encrusted in the top. It seemed unremarkable and Elsa frowned a little, uncertain why Morrigan would give her such a thing. 

“A parting gift,” Morrigan said simply. “It may be of use to you.”

“A… ring is of use to me?”

“Would you simply just take the gift, Elsa?”

“But… we haven’t known each other very long and here you are giving me rings. Is the wedding to be soon? Perhaps in the Wilds?” Elsa chuckled, placing the ring on her finger and holding it up to look at it properly in the setting sun.

“Oh do be serious, Cousland.”

Elsa stopped, lowering her hand and smiling at Morrigan broadly. The sound of her name, the one she had forgone those few years ago, made her happier than she thought it would do. She wanted to hug Morrigan, to thank her for everything and for using a name she had never thought would be hers again. Perhaps it was hers again now, for whatever would happen inside the walls of the estate, she feared that it would not end well. She could not return back to her life and she would be presumed dead. Finding out that she was not and that his assassin had failed, Howe would take all precautions. Perhaps he already had another plan lined up for them when he arrived. He had never seemed like a man who would do something without several backup plans.

“Thank you, Morrigan. We could not have made it this far without you,” Elsa said, smiling at the woman.

“Well that is certainly true.”

“Be safe out there, Morrigan,” Leliana said, her expression far more neutral than Elsa’s warm smile.

“You’re concerned? How novel! Still, perhaps we will meet again someday. You never know when people might show up.”

With that, Morrigan leant down, scratching Titus on the head and pretending to not notice the smiles of amusement passed between Elsa and Leliana. Within a moment, Morrigan disappeared before their eyes, forming into a crow that soared into the sky and towards the distant treetops of the nearby woods. She was a sight in flight and Elsa found herself envious of the fact she could simply turn into a bird and fly away. Her life would have been so much easier if she had been able to do such a feat.

“So, what happens now?” Leliana asked, scratching Titus’ head as the mabari nudged her hand.

“Now, we wait.”

**xxx**

The sun had been down for some time now, the landscape lit only by the moon and stars. It was simple enough to get to the perimeter of the estate, the place seemed surprisingly deserted. Elsa would have thought that guards would have been stationed around, protecting the estate at night from anyone who dared to try and break in. It would be a prime target after all, with plenty of goods to steal. Elsa had been used to there being guards stationed outside at night, but perhaps they were in the middle of a rotation, leaving the area unguarded at least for the time being. It meant they had a window and they would be fools not to use it.

“Titus, you need to stay here boy, do you understand?” Elsa whispered, scratching her hound on the head. “We need someone out here just in case we don’t make it out. You’ll need to come find us, alright boy?”

Titus whined, shoving his head between Elsa’s hands and moving closer. He always did this when he was refusing to leave Elsa’s side, but she needed him out here. If thing went wrong, she would need someone on the outside to help and seeing as Titus would only draw attention to them inside the estate, it would have to be him.

“We will give you a treat when we come out,” Leliana teased, kneeling down and scratching his back. “What do you say to that?”

Seemingly assuaged, Titus wagged his tail and backed away, taking a majestic stance as if he were ready to guard the estate. Elsa giggled, kissing her silly hound on the head before turning to Leliana.

“So, let’s go over the plan. You will be going to check the halls, seeing if there are any guards around and making sure they do not come towards my bedroom, whilst I will be sneaking in there to see if anything is amiss.”

“Are you certain we should split up?” Leliana asked, cupping Elsa’s face and stroking her thumbs across her cheeks.

“I think we are less likely to get caught if we are and if anyone is in trouble, the other can come to the rescue. If we’re together and something happens, then there may be no way out, if we’re apart, then we have a shot.”

“They also say that two heads are better than one.”

“Please, Leliana, I thought we’d already agreed?”

Sighing, Leliana nodded, letting her hands drop from Elsa’s cheeks. Sending her lover a reassuring smile, Elsa kissed her softly before turning to head towards the stables. The door into the estate was less guarded there and it was closer to the stairs that would lead up to her room. Just as with the outside, there seemed to be no one there as Elsa and Leliana snuck inside, quietly going their separate ways. 

It was difficult, not having Leliana there for support, but Elsa knew how many times she had snuck through the halls of this estate. She had dodged so many guards and found all kinds of secret passages, that there was no way that she would not be able to get to her rooms without detection. Moving quietly, she blended into the darkness of the corridors, opening a small passageway that turned into a winding staircase within the wall. It would take her out in the small enclave within her room, with little to no chances of anyone actually realising that she was here.

Each creak of the floorboards sent her heart racing in her chest, the fear of the unknown threatening to engulf her as she forced herself forward. Slowly and surely, she pushed open the door at the top of the stairs. She stopped, her breath catching in her throat as she saw a figure sat down on her bed, holding one of her pillows in their hand and running their fingers gently over it with reverence. Moving forward slightly, Elsa squinted through the flickering lights that were cast by lit candles and the large fireplace.

It was Nora, sat there and looking as if she was crying. Part of Elsa was wary, not truly knowing whether Nora was on her side or not. But she had always been kind to her and Nora had always seemed to gravitate towards her, more so than she ever did to Thomas or even Arl Howe during his current stay. Taking a chance would be risky, but as it was, she knew absolutely nothing of the situation at the estate and she could do nothing without information. It wasn’t perfect, but it would have to do, as she stepped out of the shadows and cleared her throat.

Nora looked over quickly, jumping up from her seat on the bed, her eyes wide in shock. She looked as if she had seen a ghost, which given her crying, perhaps could have been precisely what she first thought. Time seemed to stretch in an uncomfortable and uneasy silence before she seemed to relax, her face morphing into confusion and then relief as she ran forward and enveloped Elsa in a tight hug.

“Elsa! My lady! We all thought you were dead!” Nora exclaimed, cupping her face and patting her shoulders as if trying to discern whether she was real or not.

“Hush Nora, I need you to keep your voice down,” Elsa whispered, placing her finger over Nora’s lips. “You thought I was dead? What has been going on?”

“The hunting party returned, most of them missing, saying all these tales about possessed trees coming out of nowhere and killing you all. Your lord husband was distressed, in shock. He wanted to get a search party for you, but the Arl wouldn’t have it. He said there was no way you’d survive the Wilds and that there was no use risking more lives to save someone who was probably already dead. I didn’t know what to think. You had that Leliana with you though and she seemed like a handy person in a fight. I hoped you’d be fine but after so long with no word…” Nora whispered, shaking her head and wiping away a tear.

“So everyone thinks I’m dead? Have they told my parents?”

“No, no! The Arl said they would wait to tell them, in case you showed up. A precaution he said. He didn’t want to upset your family without knowing for sure, but I don’t know why he wouldn’t send out a search party if that were the case.”

“Thank you, Nora. Maybe you should go get some rest? Oh, do you know where Freya is? I need to speak to her urgently!”

“She’s in her rooms, my lady! Hasn’t left them since the news. I think your lord husband let her. He knows how much you mean to her.”

Elsa nodded, smiling warmly at Nora before bringing the girl into another hug. It was nice to see a friendly face in the estate, someone who could actually help her. She supposed that if Howe found out that Nora had helped her, then she might have been at risk too, which was something she could not allow. Nora would have to come with them too, even if having more people would slow them down and potentially get them caught quicker if Howe found her.

She thought she heard something creak outside but she was not sure, knowing that she was perhaps safer in here than she would be if she tried to check out what it was. Letting go of Nora, she finally stepped back, moving to a chest where she had stored another pack.

“You need to get some things together, Nora. We need to leave.”

“Why, my lady? You should go to see Thomas! He really misses you!” Nora said, following behind her as she started to store valuables and keepsakes in the pack, as well as extra clothes and daggers. 

“Arl Howe wants me dead, Nora. We need to go!”

“Dead? How come?”

Elsa turned around, taking in the bewildered expression before her and wishing she had the time to explain everything she could to Nora. There just simply wasn’t enough time.

“Howe thinks I am having an affair and he believes that I am not fulfilling my purpose of producing an heir. Anything else, I just don’t know.”

“And are you having an affair?” Nora asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

Elsa kept silent, turning back around and shoving more things into her pack as quickly as possible. She did not know how to admit it to her, even if she did not regret a single moment of it. Perhaps she was scared that Nora would look at her differently, or maybe she already knew. Maker knows, Howe already had.

“It’s alright, Elsa,” Nora whispered, placing a hand on her shoulder from behind. “I already know.  _ He _ already knows.”

Before Elsa could respond, she heard a sharp, strangled gasp from behind her and the sickly sound of a weapon sliding into flesh before feeling pressure upon her back as a force pushed her forward. Spinning around, Elsa jumped back when she saw Leliana stood here, standing over Nora’s body as it lay slumped on the ground. Her large brown eyes wide as blood seemed to trickle from the corner of her lips. Covering her mouth, Elsa tried hard not to scream as Leliana held up a finger, silencing her as she leant down and examined a dagger that lay beside Nora’s hand. The woman was still breathing in ragged gasps, before Leliana seemed to trail her fingers over a crest on the weapon. Shaking her head, Leliana took her own dagger from Nora’s back and slid it expertly across her throat.

There was nothing Elsa could do or say in that moment, as she felt herself go rigid in shock. She had no idea what was going on, even as Leliana straightened up and continued to examine the dagger that had fallen to the floor. Why had Nora been holding it in the first place? Why had Leliana killed her? Had Nora been about to plunge that dagger into Elsa? But Nora had been sweet and kind. They had always gotten along so well.

“This crest belongs to Comtesse Clement,” Leliana spoke, wrinkling her nose. “I know her. Why would she have agents here? How could she have remained hidden for so long?”

“Leliana…?” Elsa said, her brain still trying to process what was going on.

“Comtesse Clement was an ally of Marjolaine’s… I do not know what she would be doing here or why she would want you dead? She… I believed I knew what her intentions were.”

“Marjolaine? Who’s Marjolaine? And Nora... was a bard,” Elsa said, finally grasping one of the revelations that were pounding against her skull. The easiest one. The one that didn’t send her mind reeling and her stomach twisting into knots.

“Yes, she was,” Leliana said, closing her eyes and sighing before finally meeting Elsa’s eyes.

There was a look of resignation within those usually sparkling blue eyes. A twinge of fear as she waited for Elsa to say what they both knew to be true. It was unbelievable. After all this time, all the moments spent and the emotions felt and yet here they stood now, with a bleeding corpse between them and the truth that seemed to be crushing the air around Elsa’s chest.

“Why do you know so much about her patron?”

“You know the answer. I know you, Elsa, I can see it in your eyes.”

“I don’t want to be right.”

“Elsa…”

“No.”

Elsa dropped her pack to the floor, putting her head into her hands as she tried desperately to wake up from whatever nightmare she was currently in. She knew it had to be true though, otherwise Leliana would have approached her already and enveloped her in an embrace, but she did not. She was embarrassed, she was guilty and as Elsa raised her head and saw the look of pain in her eyes, she knew that this was no nightmare. Every single time Leliana had hidden something, every time Elsa had actually allowed her to have her secrets and not once did she ever consider that perhaps the secrets were putting Elsa’s life in danger and maybe, just maybe, Howe was not the only one whom Elsa should have been wary of.

“Get away from me,” Elsa hissed, taking another step back.

“No, Elsa please, you have to listen to me!”

“Why should I listen to a single word you say,  _ bard _ ?” Elsa snapped, tugging a dagger out from her leathers and holding it at the ready.

“Because I just saved your life, Elsa! I love you and nothing else matters. I do not care why or how I came to be here, but I am here for you now. Please, you have to believe me.”

“You are absolutely terrible.”

“Elsa…” Leliana’s voice cracked slightly, her face crumbling as she seemed to sag where she stood.

“No. You came here to do what exactly? To kill me? Or maybe just to ruin the entirety of my reputation by fucking me and letting me live through the consequences?”

“We do not have time to talk about this now!” Leliana hissed, moving forward towards Elsa, even as the younger woman took a step back. 

“Why not? I’m not going anywhere with you!”

“Elsa, I could have killed you. I will explain why I am here later but if you want to know the truth, yes, I could have killed you to fulfil my part, but I did not. I love you, Elsa, please, we need to get out of here. Howe  _ knows _ we’re here.”

“Wait… what?”

“Nora.”

“She’s been spying on you this entire time and she is not blind. I do not know what she was here for and I do not know what that means for me, for us, but we need to find Freya and we need to leave. We’re all in danger and I will not see you die here.”

“Why? Would you rather do it yourself later? Perhaps when you’ve distracted me with your kisses and intimate touches again and I’m naked and vulnerable? Would that be your ideal time to strike?!”

“We do not have time for this.”

Elsa glared at Leliana, noting the distress, the anger and the tears that were welling up in her eyes. There had been a time only a few moments before, when Elsa would have trusted Leliana with her life. When she would have looked back on all those words said and all the times they had been there for each other. She had known and trusted that Leliana would be there for her and even if that gut feeling still burnt hard within her, Elsa could not follow it blindly. If she did she could end up dead.

But Leliana’s eyes were so pleading as she came to stand in front of her. Her body was tense, as if she was restraining herself from reaching out and touching Elsa, knowing how badly the woman might recoil. She would have been correct. Her rage at the betrayal was too great, her mind still caught on every single moment spent together and wondering whether any of it had been true, or just a web of lies created by the bard. 

“Fine,” Elsa said, finally making her decision. “If I don’t have your help then there’s no way I will be able to get Freya out of here. This conversation is not over Leliana. Far from it.”

“I understand,” Leliana said, a tear rolling down her cheek as she reached out to place a hand on Elsa’s arm.

“Don’t touch me,” Elsa snapped, yanking the arm away and brushing past Leliana to finish packing her belongings into the pack.

Silence fell across the room as Leliana stood there in silence, her hands balled into fists and her body shaking slightly. Part of her wanted to reach out and see if her lover was okay, but the louder and angrier part was hurt and confused. She would have thought that maybe she would have known, that perhaps if she had not brushed everything aside, that she could have figured it out for herself. But she had been blind to it, to her. Blind to the woman whose blue eyes had made her heart sing and whose words and lips had brought understanding and freedom to her life.

“Let’s go,” Elsa said, swinging the pack of her shoulder and pushing away all the thoughts that were swirling rapidly around in her mind. “We’ve got work to do.”


	16. XVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a little warning for this chapter; the violence does tend towards being slightly graphic in nature. Not in the kind of indulgent and unnecessary fashion that might be present in other works of fiction, buuuut it's still there and I felt like there needed to be a warning for it! I will also post some news about Of Gilded Cages at the bottom of this chapter! Until then, I hope you enjoy!

The darkened hallways seemed far darker than they had done before, with Elsa’s faith in her plan and her companion dimming with each passing second. This had not been the plan. The plan had been to find Freya, get information and get out. Though, she supposed information was exactly what she had received, no matter how much it coiled a flaming, hot anger in the pit of her stomach. Her body felt stiff as she worried that Leliana was secretly planning to drive a knife into her back, or perhaps slicing her throat open as she had done with Nora. The calm and collected manner of that kill had been terrifying and Elsa wondered how she could not have seen this side of Leliana before now.

Her mind was screaming, wanting to say something, anything. She wanted to shout, to get the real truth from the woman she loved so that perhaps she could hate her more and be done with it. That was the issue was it not? The thing that kept creeping its fingers into Elsa’s mind, reminding her of everything that had happened. Leliana had risked exposure to save her life. She had risked her own life before to ensure Elsa’s safety and yet here she was, a bard who had just murdered someone before her very eyes. The lies and deceit did not fit with the soft kisses and gentle caresses, the supportive hugs and the love making. It was confusing and it made her sick to her stomach.

Still, that was unimportant right now. What mattered was getting to Freya and saving her from this place. If Elsa were to truly flee the gilded cage, she would have her with her, no excuses. She was thankful for the secret passage ways throughout the estate, as getting to the servants’ quarters would have been exceedingly difficult without them. Still, they had to be quiet, as there was no telling how many of these passageways were known by the guards. If Elsa had been able to find them and explore them, then there was no way that no one else knew about them.

“We are nearing Freya’s rooms, yes?” Leliana whispered, as they turned a corner at the end of the corridor.

“How do you know?”

“I had to do something when we did not have lessons, Elsa.”

“Of course. Of course you sought out all of my hiding places. Why wouldn’t a bard sent to kill me do that?”

“I was not sent specifically to kill you!” Leliana sighed, although she did not reach out for Elsa to try to continue the conversation.

Elsa snorted before stopping at the end of the passage. Slowly, she slid open the panel that stood there, knowing it would open out in a storage area that lay directly across from Freya’s room. It was certainly a good thing that Elsa had convinced Thomas that she should have her own room, otherwise there would have been a number of other servants to consider in the rescue attempt. As Elsa stepped out among the barrels and crates, her stomach twisted slightly as a sense of unease seemed to flood over her. There was something wrong in the air, something that felt as if the whole estate was far too quiet, especially down here.

There had been many times when she had snuck out into this storage room and heard the sounds of footsteps outside, with people attending to their night time duties or patrolling to ensure the servants were doing their jobs correctly. There were no footsteps now though and nothing felt right about this.

Taking a deep breath, Elsa looked to Leliana, waiting for the nod of assent that they were both ready. As soon as the signal was given, Elsa listened at the door, trying to make out the sounds of footsteps or breathing and still coming up empty. Pushing open the door with a creak, Elsa crept forward, turning slightly right and towards the door that stood not far away on the other side of the corridor. When she tried the handle, she found that the door wasn’t locked, a puzzling thing since Freya almost always locked the door, saying that being in an estate of Howe’s men never did make her feel safe. 

As the door was pushed open, it stopped as if being blocked by something on the other side. She pushed it again, realising the blockage could be moved slightly, meaning it could not have been a piece of furniture. Shoving her shoulder against the door, she managed to dislodge it, allowing it to open enough for her and Leliana to slip inside.

The moment she entered the room properly, she stopped suddenly, her mouth hanging open as she looked around the place. Blood. There was blood everywhere and a handful of guards lying dead on the flood. It had been one of them who had been blocking the door, a lifeless body with cold, unfocused eyes staring up at the ceiling. Their wounds were sloppy and brutal, a far cry from the clean and precise way that Leliana had slit Nora’s throat. The smell was revolting, a strong and metallic scent that made Elsa want to retch. Instead she breathed through her mouth, trying not to inhale more of the scent than she had to. 

It looked as if there had been a massacre and Elsa’s own blood ran cold as the fear for her oldest friend in this place took root. She ran to the bed, pulling the blood stained sheets off and hoping beyond hope that Freya was hidden beneath them. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest as she clutched at the sheets beneath her fingers, trying to steady herself and hold in the cry of anguish that was trapped within her chest.

“Elsa! Down here!” Leliana hopped to the other side of the bed, crouching down instantly. “Freya, what happened to you?”

Scrabbling over the bed, Elsa hopped down beside Leliana, the trapped scream coming out in a strangled gurgle as she saw the state of Freya beneath her. Her hair and night clothes were matted with blood and a pool had started to form beneath her. There were gashes all over her body, all of them far too deep and far too numerous for there to be enough rubbing alcohol or bandages in the whole of Thedas that would be enough to fix them all in time. There was only two of them and Freya looked as if she were getting weaker by the second.

“Trap. Trying to frame you, Elsa,” Freya mumbled, as Elsa ran her hand over her blood soaked head. “Shouldn’t have come back, bards are here. Two. Nora… don’t know the other.”

“Oh, I know who the other one is.” Elsa turned to Leliana, glowering at her. 

“You?” Freya croaked, eyes going wide in shock. “Son of a bitch.”

“Freya, please, what happened here? Why are they trying to frame Elsa?” Leliana pressed, ignoring the hostility being directed at her by the other two women.

“Big plans ahead. Think the bastard is going to take down the Couslands. Not safe, you need to go. Warn them!” Freya coughed, wheezing and shaking, her body looking frailer and frailer as she settled.

“I will. I promise, Freya,” Elsa whispered, her eyes welling up with tears as she time seemed to slip between her fingers. How could it not be, when her friend looked this weak? “I love you. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you.”

“Do not fret child,” Freya whispered, grabbing Elsa’s hand and squeezing it tightly. “I am happy to see you safe. Stay that way.”

There was a moment of silence, when Freya’s wheezing continued into the room, a rattling and shaking thing that seemed to get weaker and weaker with each passing second. Tears streamed down Elsa’s cheek as she kissed her on the forehead, ignoring the blood that tinged her lips and holding herself there until the wheezing tapered out into deathly silence. The pulse in Freya’s neck was like a distant thrum until that too faded out beneath Elsa’s fingertips, twisting Elsa’s own heart with anguish and rage and loss as Freya slipped away.

“May she rest at the Maker’s side,” Leliana whispered, her own eyes filled with tears.

She reached forward, tilting Elsa’s face up to hers and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Her smile was soft and sad, a silent apology that only made Elsa want to cry even harder. Elsa wanted to fling herself into Leliana’s arms, to feel safe and warm and comforted like she had done before, but there was no hope of that now. If not for Leliana, would any of this have even happened? Would Freya still be alive? Would her family still be safe? Wrenching her face away from Leliana’s grip, Elsa stood up shakily, just wishing this nightmare would come to an end.

“Well, well, it seems you two  _ have _ been busy.”

Elsa stomach dropped, her eyes widened as she looked towards the door. The nightmare seemed to want to continue, as Arl Howe stood there, with an exceedingly shocked and appalled looking Thomas stood beside him. There was no love in Thomas’ eyes now, no sense that he would see the scene for what it had been rather than a massacre as their own hands. A trap. A perfectly laid plan to get Leliana and Elsa to this place, surrounded by bodies and death, with no one alive who could possibly convince anyone otherwise.

“Thomas…” Elsa whispered, trying to appeal to him. “I’m alive! I came home for you!”

“Even now she lies. We have found you and your Orlesian whore surrounded by dead guards and you think Thomas so blind as to believe you are here for him? Pathetic even till the end,” Rendon Howe sneered, stepping forward and examining one of the bodies. “Such messy work too. Have you no mercy?”

“Thomas, you cannot seriously believe that I would kill all of these people? And Freya?!”

“Father warned me,” Thomas said, his voice detached, his jaw and fists clenched. “He told me that you had been unfaithful and I had not believed him. He told me you were plotting something and I did not believe him and now I see you stood here with the blood of my men on your hands and your once trusted confidante and it makes me sick to believe that I could defend someone like you!”

“Thomas, see reason! Elsa would not-!”

“And you?! I invited you into my home to become her friend and yet I find that you have been taking her to bed instead?! How dare you address me?! What was your plan? To drive a wedge between us? Did Elsa choose this betrayal or did you lead her here,  _ bard _ ?” Thomas spat, advancing past his father and towards where Leliana and Elsa stood.

“I… did not know she was a bard…” Elsa protested, glaring over at Leliana. “There is no plan or plot! It was your dearest father who tried to have me KILLED!”

“I do not believe you. You were just begging for an opportunity to deal with me, weren’t you? All of your lies about wanting my child! About wanting nothing but the best for our life together! Of all the lovers I have taken, my own wife was the coldest! You never wanted me and yet you part your legs so willinging for this wretched bard! For a woman?!”

“Perhaps women are of more interest to her,” Leliana scoffed, stepping in front of Elsa and protecting her from Thomas’ advance. “You never wanted to see her pain. It was before you clear as day and yet you forced yourself into her mind, her space, her bed and she did her duty and you did not care how miserable it made her!”

“Leliana! That is  _ not _ helping!” Elsa hissed, stepping forward and glaring up at Thomas with fury in her chest. “How dare you stand there and make these accusations of me! You know what? I did not love you! I did not love you for a single moment but I would  _ never _ wish your death, nor risk the relationship our families have!”

“Why should I believe a word you say? You’re just a fucking wench! A murderous, betraying demon that wished me and my family harm! You Couslands will pay.”

“What have my family done?”

“Do not play dumb with me. I see through your act. My father uncovered the truth about you Couslands and none of you will get away with this!”

Before Thomas could utter another word, Leliana took a dagger from her belt and launched it at Thomas’s shoulder, causing the man to cry out. Another dagger was thrown and it landed in Rendon’s shoulder, causing him to cry out as well. There was no time to think before Leliana grabbed her hand, dragging her past the two injured men and out of the door. As soon as they left, it was clear how planned this trap had been, as guards seemed to be approaching the room swiftly, their weapons ready and their faces twisted in grim determination.

“The passage!” Leliana shouted, pulling Elsa back the way they had came, hopping over crates and pushing the panel aside.

“If they know where the entrances to this are, we’re fucked, Leliana!” Elsa hissed, yanking out her daggers and running as fast as her legs would carry her. “We’re like sitting ducks in here!”

“Then run, chérie!”

Gritting her teeth at the endearment, Elsa did as she was told anyway, forever conscious of the loud clangs and roars behind her. The guards were coming in force and perhaps it was only their heavy armour that kept them from catching up with the two women so quickly. Suddenly, Leliana stopped, yanking a panel away and exposing the entrance to one of the tunnels, that would lead them towards the great hall and closer to the kitchens.

“You know about the tunnel out?” Elsa gasped, trying to breathe even as her chest burnt with the exertion. “The kitchens?”

“Is that not where all tunnels to escape are?”

“A flaw, yes!”

“Faster then, I will not let you die here!”

As they ran down the new passageway, Elsa found the sounds of the guards was diminishing. It seemed as if they had not noticed the change in direction that they had taken, instead charging ahead down a corridor that would take them out to the stables. If they followed that, they would be long gone by the time Howe’s men even realised that they had left the estate at all. Still, she could not allow herself complacency, so she kept her pace, pushing forward and forward and following behind Leliana as they got closer to their destination.

Finally, they reached the end, stopping to catch their ragged breaths as they realised they were entirely alone. Elsa could not help but lean into Leliana slightly, recoiling only when the bard had wrapped an arm around her waist and attempted to hold her. Her body kept falling into familiar habits whilst her brain screamed at her to keep her distance and her guard up around Leliana. Even after everything, she had still lied and her motives were still unclear. Elsa would not allow herself to escape from Howe, only to die at Leliana’s hand.

“Let’s go,” Elsa said finally, her heartbeat beginning to calm slightly. “There could be more guards here.”

“Be careful.”

“Yeah, of course,” Elsa shrugged, brushing off Leliana’s concern as she moved the panelling away.

She clambered out behind the curtain, peering around the outside to see if the coast was clear. Just as she feared, there were guards, albeit just a handful, stood within the room and guarding the door as if they were closing off all areas where they could hide. They would need to expose themselves to get to the kitchen, which lay beyond an unguarded door on the other side of the room, as stealth was simply not an option in the light that was emitted by the large fireplace and the candles placed around the room.

“There you are!”

A sharp gasp filled the air and Elsa spun around to see a guard had shot a bolt, grazing Leliana’s thigh. The bard took out the bow she still carried, piercing the man through the eye with an arrow and turning to fire another through the next nearest guard. It was no use though, as soon the commotion had brought the other five guards in the room down upon them and Elsa could not have been more relieved that these were younger recruits who had not had the foresight to run to alert anyone else. They had all instead chosen to fight, their swords and shields raised as they ran at them.

Leliana stumbled as someone took a swing at her, slumping slightly against the wall as she grasped at her thigh. She tried to straighten up, releasing an arrow at another guard and hitting his thigh. It was not enough to kill, so Elsa lept forward, stabbing her daggers through his chest before he could land a hit on Leliana. They were in this together, no matter what had happened and there was no way that Elsa was going to lose anyone else on this suicide mission of hers. This had been a mistake and it was hers. Despite it all, Elsa knew she would get Leliana out of there safe and sound even if she risked her own life in the process.

She did not think, merely felt as she dodged and weaved between the blows. Slashing with her daggers until one after one the guards fell. An arrow soared past her head, incapacitating one and allowing Elsa to slit her throat as effortlessly as she had seen Leliana do. It was concerning out easy this felt, how much more at ease she was killing since her first fight. Now these guards, many of them she had known for months or even years, fell as easily as the darkspawn, an act of necessity and survival that she would not let hinder her until they had gotten out of the wretched estate alive.

Finally there was only one left, a young lad who had joined the guard after turning down the possibility of becoming a templar. He was younger than Elsa, his teeth gritted in grim determination as he raised his sword and faced against the women before him. It seemed that Leliana had hesitated, even when he has raised his sword and left his side exposed, yet Elsa did not leave time for such things. She saw the opening, digging her daggers up into the boy’s ribs, snarling as he gasped and dropped his weapons to the floor. He crumpled, his breath still coming in short and quick gasps as he struggled for air, his life disappearing as slowly as Freya’s had.

“Be merciful.”

Elsa whirled around, looking incredulously at Leliana as the bard limped towards her.

“What?”

“End it quickly. Do not leave him like this, he does not need to suffer.”

Turning back towards the boy, she could not help but feel that initial twist of anguish and disgust as she saw the damage she had done. Gritting her teeth, she nodded, taking her prized dagger and drawing it across his throat. It was but a few seconds until the blood loss had killed him and Elsa was stood over his body, finally feeling the blood that covered her leathers and her hands. She was lucky most of it was not hers, as only the gash in her arm seemed to have reopened slightly, staining her bandage through. Placing her daggers back in their sheaths, she looked at her hands before looking at the faces of the guards on the floor. She knew all of them by name, her eyes finally resting on the boy she had just killed and her heart felt heavy within her chest.

“Elsa,” Leliana whispered, placing a hand on her shoulder, “we need to go.”

Nodding soundlessly, Elsa wrapped an arm around Leliana’s waist, helping her limp over to the kitchen where they could finally get to their final escape route. It was hard work and it took far longer than would have been safe, but they managed it, as Elsa pushed open the final door into the deserted kitchen. Leaving Leliana against the wall, she pushed aside some crates and flour bags, revealing another panel. It did not take long for her to slide it open before she grabbed a torch from the floor and lit it in the fire that was still lit from the evening meals. Beckoning Leliana to her, both women moved some of the crates back in front of the opening, doing their best to conceal their means of escape lest the guards that found the bloodbath in the great hall think to check the kitchens.

Finally, Elsa slid the panel shut, behind them, holding the torch out to Leliana as she moved to open the hatch in the floor of the hidden room.

“After you,” Elsa said, motioning to the steps as both women descended down into the darkness below.

There were no sounds of danger in the tunnel, merely the sounds of dripping water and the scrabbling of small animals along the floor. It was too early to tell if they were safe, too early for Elsa to truly relax, but as they moved forward with only the torch as their guide, she found that for the first time since she had entered the estate, she had time to actually remember to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, shit has hit the fan and whilst the entire story is not finishing soon, this part of it certainly is. Of Gilded Cages will only have a further 2 chapters to it! I was faced with a choice of whether to tell the entire story in one fic, which would leave it being a pretty long fic, or to split it into two as each part has a distinct narrative that I felt worked better in two fics rather than one very large one!
> 
> So, what's the plan? Essentially, I've almost got the last chapter of this done and I'm eager to just carry on writing and start on the next one. I will be leaving a time span of around a month between the end of this fic and the start of the new one. I will post a teaser of chapter one to reassure you that Elsa and Leliana's story is far from over and also because I plan to shamelessly keep you all interested in the hopes you'll continue on this journey with me! ;)
> 
> I just want to take this opportunity to thank each and every person that reads, comments and has left kudos on this fic. I have never completed a multichapter fic before and there was a time when I thought that would streak of unfinished fics would continue! So thank you so much and I will see you next time!
> 
> Kate xxx
> 
> (Oh and if you want to keep up to date on Of Gilded Cages or me doing any other pieces of works or prompts, then you can find me at: http://lelianassong.tumblr.com/)


	17. XVII

**** There had been no sounds for a long time, save for Elsa and Leliana’s soft footsteps and the gentle sounds of their breathing. It seemed at least that they had escaped, even if neither knew where the tunnel would lead them. All Elsa had gathered was that, much like Castle Cousland, the passage from the kitchen had been designed to not only deliver secret stores, but to also smuggle people out of a building under siege. Much like the tunnel from her childhood home, she had never ventured down here, only knowing simply that it existed.

However, the darkness left time for thought and the only conclusion Elsa could reach was that her life had never been more in danger and her family were a target as well. How long had this plan been festering in Howe’s mind? How long had he planned to use her as the spark to ignite an attack upon the Couslands? He has no basis for it, none rooted in fact anyway, but overthrowing the Teyrn of Highever and his family would not be done unless their was treason afoot. Howe was far too clever to miss that, his lies and framing schemes probably reaching far greater than just in taking out a woman who was no longer of use to his ambitions.

And if the Howe had orchestrated all of this, then why was there a bard behind her? A bard who claimed to love her, demanded her trust and squeezed at Elsa’s chest until she could barely breathe. Nothing was certain and nothing made sense.

“Elsa…”

“I don’t care. I’m thinking.”

“Elsa, you need to listen to me. You can respond, you can just listen, but we need to have this conversation, non?”

“No, we don’t.”

“ _ Elsa _ !”

“As soon as we are out of this tunnel, we are going to travel to Lothering and you are going to stay there. Maybe you’ll return back to your Orlesian masters, maybe you’ll stay there, if you even truly did before. I do not care either way, for I am going to go to my family and I do not want you to follow.”

“You won’t even let me explain?” Leliana asked, her voice gritting in annoyance as Elsa refused to look at the woman.

“Like I said, I don’t care.”

That was a lie. It was a lie and she knew it. She cared so much that hearing Leliana speak was forcing her stomach to twist uncomfortably. There had been so much shared; trust, friendship, a listening ear when no one else cared to bother. Leliana had been her confidante, friend and lover and now she had broken the trust to all of those things. Perhaps it was self-preservation, perhaps it was simply stubbornness that led her to silence Leliana’s attempts at conversation. With so much going on, it would not do to be weak. It would not do to let someone in whom she knew she would not be able to trust as fully as she had before. At least not anytime soon. But Maker, for the first time in months, they were alone and there was a part of the young Cousland that simply wanted to be self-destructive, who wanted to push Leliana against the dirtied wall of the passage and occupy her with kisses and touches that would stop any words from falling between them, that would stop her from having to think about what had happened and how she had left an estate running red with blood and the extinguished life of someone who had been family.

Closing her eyes, Elsa quickened her pace, wanting to be out of this confined space and out into the open air as fast as possible. The torch would be burning out soon and Elsa could not stand to be in the darkness, squashed by her thoughts and suffocated by the lingering tension and sadness and distrust that lingered between her and Leliana. She needed to be out and safe and free.

Just as she felt as if her mind would crush her beneath the thoughts that spun and stormed in her mind, she could see what seemed to be steps just ahead, leading upwards towards the ceiling. The exit. A way out. Finally, a time to be in the open air so she could think clearly. She turned and shoved the torch into Leliana’s hand before she ran forward, scrambling up the steps and finding another trapdoor above them. Using her hands, she smoothed over the wood until she found the lock and jiggled the bolt until it finally screeched open.

“Elsa, be careful! We could be anywhere,” Leliana warned as she watched Elsa push the door open.

“I’m not that much of a fool, Leliana,” Elsa scoffed, rolling her eyes as she looked around their surroundings.

They were in a small, deserted cabin, but there was no mistaking the fact that they were in the woods. There was light streaming through the cracks in the wood, casting a dim morning hue outside of the windows and into the forest around them. Birds chirped happily in the trees and as Elsa stepped up the remaining steps and into the cabin, she took in a deep breath and wrapped her arms tightly around her.

Tears sprung to her eyes as she realised they were safe now, away from the guards who would be combing the estate for hours before they realised that they were too late. Away from the husband and the death and the imprisonment. It was not perfect, it was not entirely how she envisioned, but for now at least, she allowed herself to cry those tears of relief, even as she could hear Leliana closing the passage and moving some shelves to cover it, stopping anyone else from using it.

“Come, if we are where I think we are, there is a secluded pond of sorts. I need to clean up,” Elsa said, daring to look down at her hands that were caked in blood and dirt.

She did not wait for Leliana to respond, no matter how much she knew the bard wanted to say something and to have Elsa actually listen to her. Her body felt weary but she pressed on, opening the door to the cabin and escaping into the world around them. Looking around, she noticed the large oak that marked where her preferred clearing was, providing a friendly landmark in a place where they could have gotten so easily lost. If she headed towards it, they would find the pond in no time and Elsa would no longer have to think about the lives she had just ended and death she had seen.

There was no true escape from her mind as she hoped as the morning sun seemed to illuminate everything that she had not had time to think of earlier. Of Freya’s face and the way she had almost let that poor boy bleed out upon the flagstone, giving him a long and drawn out death. It had been far too easy to kill those people and she wondered whether Leliana had felt something similar when she had first started to kill. Maker, how many people had Leliana killed to appear so skilled and precise at the act?

Elsa wanted to retch, but she kept herself composed as they silently made their way to the pond. Thankfully, her memory had not deceived her and surely enough there it stood, slightly larger than she had imagined it and looking far more inviting than Elsa ever remembered it looking before.

Running over, she fell to her knees, cupping the water in her hands and splashing it all over her face. She needed to be clean, she wanted every trace gone from her skin as she rubbed her hands until they were red raw and tried to clean off her leathers so that perhaps they would be free from the blood too. There was no way to see her reflection clearly in this water and for that Elsa was grateful. She did not want to see what she looked like, not even certain she would see the woman she had last seen looking back at her in the mirror. That woman had been concerned and anxious, but she had not had friends try to kill her, she had not had lovers turn out to be spies and she certainly hadn’t been coated in blood and gore that had not been so hard to spill. 

“Stop, Elsa, you’ll damage yourself,” Leliana spoke, her hands suddenly grabbing at Elsa’s wrists and stopping her from scrubbing her arms more.

Elsa stopped, finally realising the way that Leliana’s arms were around her, keeping her from her mindless cleaning. Focusing for a moment, she looked at the redness of her arms and noticed how they seemed to sting. There was no blood there anymore, but Elsa could still feel it and she could not ignore it. It needed to go.

Ripping her hands away from Leliana, she tried to start again, only to find that Leliana had once again grabbed her wrists and was attempting to stop her from continuing her scrubbing. Growling in the back of her throat, Elsa attempted to snatch them away again, before she felt Leliana pull her onto her backside and placed herself between her and the water.

“Elsa, we need to talk.”

“Please, not now.”

“If not now, then when? First, you need to calm down. Please, you trusted me before to have your back, that has not changed. I love you, Elsa, I do not need you to forgive me and forget this ever happened, but I need you to listen to me,” Leliana said, taking the seat next to Elsa when she did not make a move to go back towards the edge of the water.

“Fine. Talk.”

“What are you thinking, Elsa? Why were you scrubbing so hard?” Leliana asked, her voice softening as she looked over Elsa’s reddened skin.

“The blood is still there.”

“Ah, I understand. It… matters that you care, Elsa. Killing is not as easy as people make it look. It involves telling yourself that it was necessary, telling yourself that if you had not killed then you would be dead instead. It is survival and it weighs heavy with each face with a name and a life you never even knew. You are no monster, Elsa and there is no blood. You are alive and here and you do not have to share the burden alone.”

“Yes, I do.”

Sighing, Leliana looked out towards the water, tears falling down her cheeks as she smiled sadly across the scenery. She looked beautiful in the morning light, even though her face was as dirty and blood coated as Elsa reckoned that her face might also have been.

“I was under the service of a Comte when I was sent to Ferelden. He knew I had spent some time here and that this is my mother’s homeland. I was told that my knowledge and skills would make this an easy assignment. I was told to gather information on the Howes and prevent the continuation of the line. As Thomas was the only one of Arl Howe’s children to be married, that meant my target was you. I believe the Comte said that I should use whatever manner of means I saw fit and if I could not get close to you and sway you away, I would have killed you. That was the original plan,” Leliana said, crossing her legs and settling her hands in her lap.

“So I’m alive because I was easily seduced by you?” Elsa scoffed. “That’s fantastic.”

“I tossed aside my original plan because you are witty, intelligent and not an entirely annoying individual. I liked your company and you were far more interesting than I would have expected you to be. I must admit, I underestimated you and then you were opening up to me about skills and thoughts and feelings and I could not harm you. I wanted nothing more than to help you. I know something of being trapped… I understood that in you.”

“Isn’t that pretty shitty for a bard to do? Aren’t you supposed to remain detached? It would have made slicing my throat so much easier.”

“Why would I need to? You were not going to bare children any time soon and… I began to care for you. Marjolaine would tell me that was a weakness. I suppose, I am sat in the middle of the woods, on the run and my cover blown. Maybe she is right about it being a weakness, but I do not regret this. I do not regret you, I want you to know that, Elsa. None of my feelings were lies. I love you, whether you will have me after all of this or not.”

“I… do not know who to trust right now,” Elsa sighed, looking away from Leliana and down towards her feet. 

“Let me come with you. I do not think that I could let you go on this quest alone. If you cannot trust me with your heart, at least let me prove to you that you can trust me at your back. I do not want to sit by when you could be walking straight towards your death.”

Elsa was silent for a moment, her hands fisting in the grass and yanking out blades. She stayed that way for a while, chewing her lip as she mulled over Leliana’s words. It was difficult. She knew what her heart wanted and craved, she knew that all she really felt like doing was kissing Leliana and forgiving her for everything. That is what her heart wanted, but she had never been good at following it. Following her heart had landed her in a tavern bed with a woman she had in hindsight barely known at all. It had landed her with a woman who had not been anything close to the person she said she was. No, her heart was yearning, but her mind was in control now. If she were to trust Leliana again, it would be through knowing the real her.

“I did not think it would take you this long. I had hoped to get away under the cover of night. Your mutt found me faster.”

Jumping to her feet, Elsa spun around, coming face to face with a rather bored looking Morrigan. Her eyes widened as she looked to Morrigan’s side, unable to fully process how exactly Titus was also there, his tail wagging happily as he bounded towards her. He barked happily, jumping up and placing his paws on Elsa’s shoulders, an act that still made Elsa stumble even as she laughed and wrapped her arms momentarily around the dog before he jumped back down.

Stumbling forward, Elsa wrapped her arms around Morrigan before even thinking about it. Her presence and the fact she had brought Titus back to them felt like a relief. The woman tensed beneath the embrace but she allowed it for a moment, before pushing the young noble off of her, scowling slightly.

“It seems things did not go smoothly at the estate, what happened to you?”


	18. XVIII

“Morrigan? What are you doing here?” Leliana asked, quickly getting to her feet and frowning. “I thought you would run back to the Wilds.”

“Yes, ‘twas what you were supposed to believe. Now, Mother only said that I would need to follow you on your further travels. What did you find out?” Morrigan asked, stepping forward and scrunching her nose as she looked the two women up and down. “Things were not simple, I take it?”

“Well, Howe framed me for the murder of a dozen guards and Freya, who I considered family. Oh and Leliana is a bard sent to possibly kill me and she murdered the other bard, Nora, just as Nora was actually about to kill me.”

Morrigan arched an eyebrow, a look of surprise and amusement crossing her face as she looked at Leliana. The bard stood up tall, keeping Morrigan’s eye contact as if she were daring her to just try to say something against her. They had been through much and Leliana looked just as tired as Elsa did, her cheeks still stained with tears that had only recently stopped falling.

“You are a bard? I knew that you were hiding something but this I did not expect. I imagine that caused some trouble in paradise, but it matters little. What does Howe plan and how do you intend on stopping him?”

Closing her eyes, Elsa scratched behind Titus’ ear, using the action to ground her away from the thoughts and panic that had been swirling around her mind for far too long. They needed a plan, a way to get to her family and warn them before Howe could get ready to move against them. There was no telling how advanced his plans were or whether trying to stop him would be inevitably fruitless.

“We need to go to Highever, to warn the Couslands of a coup,” Leliana spoke, stepping forward even as Titus snarled at her. She ignored him, instead focusing on Elsa and Morrigan who had both turned to look at her. “We cannot stand here and do nothing but we are not prepared. What happens if we are too late when we arrive?”

“Then you mean to recruit more help? Perfect, just how many people are you planning to add to this merry band?” Morrigan scoffed.

“I… do not know. Elsa, what do you think?”

“I think that I am not even sure whether I want you here or not, Leliana,” Elsa sighed, shaking her head. “We need to move out, perhaps head to Lothering.”

“Elsa…”

“Do you really expect me to just be okay with this, Leliana? I… understand that you did not want to hurt me. I understand that you want to help but I need to be able to trust you and I cannot say that I do.”

“And you trust Morrigan? You’ve only just met her and she’s a damned Witch of the Wilds!”

“I am right here.”

“Morrigan has not lied to me about her intentions or who she is whilst insisting that she loved me and wanted to protect me. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be betrayed by someone like that, Leliana?” Elsa snapped, her hands balling into fists.

“Yes.” Leliana bowed her head, worrying her lip between her teeth. “I know precisely what that feels like.”

“Then you will understand why I am wary.”

“I do.”

Elsa sighed, running a hand through her disheveled hair. It was hard seeing Leliana like this, her eyes filled with sadness and defeat as she looked back up at Elsa. None of this was easy and she could feel the tightness in her chest that arose when she thought of having to say goodbye. It was irrational, it was foolish and yet Elsa knew no matter how much she wanted to deny it, that she did not want Leliana to leave, even if it would destroy them both.

“I won’t make my decision now. We need to get to Lothering first and as far away from here as we can get. We’re at a severe disadvantage without horses. First, we rest. I have a feeling that we are going to need it,” Elsa said, pulling the pack from her back and wishing she had shoved in more useful thing, such as a sleeping roll or some form of shelter.

Given how tired she was, Elsa felt as if she could fall asleep anywhere in this forest, whether it be in the cabin or in the middle of the trees. Instead, she walked on, hugging the bedroll to her chest and searching for somewhere where she might be able to sleep. It had been a long day and an even longer night and only now could she feel it beginning to wear on her until she could barely walk another step.

“I will keep watch with your hound,” Morrigan said, when Elsa had finally found an outcrop of rock to shelter behind. “You will only slow us down if you collapse on the journey.”

“Thank you for that vote of confidence, Morrigan.”

Morrigan said nothing as Elsa and Leliana lay down to sleep, instead keeping a watchful eye over the forest and their surroundings. Perhaps they should have worried whether someone would search the woods whilst they slept, but Elsa found that even those fears were not enough to keep her from falling asleep almost as soon as she closed her heavy eyes.

**xxx**

It was sunset by the time Elsa and Leliana had awoken and the four companions were readying themselves for their journey onwards. Elsa stood away from both Leliana and Morrigan, who seemed to be debating things that Elsa could not bring herself to care about at that second. Instead, she looked up into the sky, watching as the red hue seemed to start fading into the darkness of night. It would be perfect to move on now, when they would be hard to see amongst the trees and the darkness that surrounded them.

There had been a time when Elsa would have given anything for this, when the idea of a quest of extreme importance like the ones she had always read and dreamt of would have felt like a blessing. But this was not how she had imagined it, in fact it was far worse. Her family was in danger, her life had been turned upside down and the only person she knew she could really trust in that moment was not a person but a dog. It seemed hopeless and lonely; a situation that made her heartache for the simplicity of life before she had been sent away to marry Thomas and begun the life she had just left behind.

She had gained and lost so much, found a love that had pried and freed her from her cage and had it crushed before her, leaving her stranded and alone. There had been a price for leaving her life. A price that she could not know whether it would yet be too high a price to pay. Her heart longed for a happy ending, one that she had hoped for when she had allowed herself to love the beautiful Orlesian with the melodious laugh. Instead, she had found herself a new cage, one of the anxiety and fear of the unknown that stretched before her. Of a plot she did not think they had even scratched the surface of. It was terrifying, it was distressing and Elsa longed for the days when she had been in Leliana’s arms in Lothering’s tavern, only fearing the inevitable trip back to the estate.

Now, she feared her trip home would end just as poorly. That this would end in more trauma and death and bloodshed. She still hoped that her family was alive, but what if she lost that too? What would she be left with but regrets and fears that she had possibly made the second biggest mistake of her life by stepping outside of her duty and seeking what she truly wanted for once?

“Elsa, are you alright?” Leliana asked as she came to stand next to her, not daring to make contact with the woman who had pulled so vehemently away.

“Would you be?”

“No, I don’t think I would be.”

“What good it fleeing from a prison if the dangers are far worse outside of it?” Elsa asked, wringing her hands and biting hard on her lip. “What good is running if I am not truly free?”

“I guess we will have to see,” Leliana said, placing a hand on Elsa’s shoulder and squeezing gently.

Elsa did not pull away. She should have done and yet in that moment she did not want to. She did not want to feel alone in what she would need to do next. The journey would be long and tiring, a leap into the unknown that was unlike anything Elsa had ever done before, but she would do it. She would do it because she was needed and she would do it so that maybe one day she might actually feel free.

“Come on then,” Elsa said, straightening herself and turning back to the others with determination shining clear in her face. “I’ve got a family to save.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where this story ends and another one begins. Thankfully, the sequel is already in progress, because how could I possibly leave it like this for long? That would just be cruel ;) 
> 
> Anyways, I would like to take this time to thank each and every one of you who read, commented and left kudos on this fic! This has been my first multichapter that I have finished and it has turned into something far greater than I ever really planned on! It's been a year in the making and an incredibly rough year at that, so your input and enthusiasm has really made the difference! I don't know if I would have been able to carry this on or even consider a sequel without it!
> 
> So now that the thanks are out of the way, here's the information for the sequel. I will be taking a short break from updates! I am looking at taking a month of hiatus from actually updating, to give some space between the two fics and hopefully get the sequel well and truly underway before I begin posting it! So expect the first chapter of Of Changing Winds on the 1st of December!!
> 
> If you want to keep up to date on progress or have any questions, you can contact me via my tumblr (http://lelianassong.tumblr.com/) !
> 
> Once again, it has been an absolute pleasure to write this and read all of your feedback! I look forward to seeing you for the next step along Elsa and Leliana's journey! Oh and expect some familiar faces and some more of my OCs ;) It's going to be an exciting ride!
> 
> Love you all, Kate xx


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